Feel like I havn't grown up. Immaturity issues.

[desulove]

I feel like I am extremely emotionally immature and I also enjoy a lot of children s toys/shows still.

Anyone else have this issue?

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by desulove

I feel like I am extremely emotionally immature and I also enjoy a lot of children s toys/shows still.

Anyone else have this issue?

Dr. Russell Barkley reports that in his experience, children with ADHD are
generally about 30% behind their peers in certain areas of development,
including emotional maturity. As it is now known that most of us do not
outgrow ADHD, we can assume that these developmental issues would
continue as we grow up.

That means a person of age 24 for instance, would be about as mature
as a neuro-typical person of age 32. You can do a web search or a forum
search for The 30% Rule to learn more about this. Dizfriz has posted
information about this in a sticky thread on the parenting sub-forum
(sorry I can't post a link to that for you).

I don't know how old you are, but recent studies have shown that our
brains aren't mature until we're 25 anyway, so don't beat yourself up too
much for feeling immature.

[tdsb12]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

That means a person of age 24 for instance, would be about as mature
as a neuro-typical person of age 32.

Did you make a typo and mean the other way around? Someone with ADD who was 32 would have the maturity of a neuro-typical 24 year old?

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by tdsb12

Did you make a typo and mean the other way around? Someone with ADD who was 32 would have the maturity of a neuro-typical 24 year old?

Yep, good catch, my brain took a vacation there.

An ADHDer of 24 would have the developmental maturity in many ways
of someone who is only 16.


I'm at my daughter's desktop this morning and should be able to add a link:
The 30% Rule is found along with other good information in the parenting forum at:
Dizfriz's Corner

[mjoy79]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

An ADHDer of 24 would have the developmental maturity in many ways
of someone who is only 16.

I have felt this way a lot. It links with my self esteem. I've felt like I was not doing what I should be doing for a person my age and that I was living like someone younger - because I wasn't caring for my apartment well, not taking care of my finances, watching too much TV, etc. Interesting thoughts

[Dizfriz]

Originally Posted by desulove

I feel like I am extremely emotionally immature and I also enjoy a lot of children s toys/shows still.

Anyone else have this issue?

Oh yes. I am 69 and I very much enjoy children's toys. I enjoy them so much that I made my living with them.

I do not think that I would like to be too mature. Doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Look at it this way, I am still trying to figure out what I am going to be when I grow up.

Dizfriz

[tudorose]

I feel like I swing between the maturity of a child and the maturity of an adult. It makes the people around me confused.

[Ranmaru]

Originally Posted by desulove

I feel like I am extremely emotionally immature and I also enjoy a lot of children s toys/shows still.

Anyone else have this issue?

In some way yes. You can say I'm somewhat mature in thinking and acting in society, but probably not emotionally I guess...

I mean. I'm always going to be a child at heart. I love my old children's shows, and I'll still watch them. I recently bought seasons 2, 3, and 4 of Samuari Jack.

I don't have as much children's toys, so I wouldn't know. I am 22 now.

I'm always happy, and always interested in comedy and silly stuff.

[Luthien]

Originally Posted by Ranmaru

In some way yes. You can say I'm somewhat mature in thinking and acting in society, but probably not emotionally I guess...
(...)
I'm always happy, and always interested in comedy and silly stuff.

I also feel about myself as a grownup child as well. It is as if certain areas of the brain never developed, or went through adolescence.
Or, as a friend once suggested: as if the brain hemispheres never specialised.

[TheChemicals]

Its very stressful to worry about it so i just kinda live out the immaturity, and the absurdness of collecting toys. I know its not normal but i am at the age where it just doesnt really matter. The other toys btw...

[Hypoactive]

double post -- oops

[Hypoactive]

i think i've always had the opposite problem -- my mom often sums it up by saying "she was thirty when she was five." --

for instance, i was "done" playing with dolls by age five, telling my parents i wanted a REAL baby...to which they laughed hysterically -- as they already had us three girls, and we'd just moved into our brand spankin' new, custom built, four bedroom home...

however, they certainly weren't laughing a few months later when my mom "accidentally" became pregnant again (they were catholic -- that should explain a lot)...but by the time my little sister arrived, they were almost as ecstatic as i was.

i finally had my REAL baby -- i "demanded" that she sleep in MY bedroom and that i be the one to feed and change her regularly, and take her for walks around the block regularly -- *by myself* (can you believe, my crazy parents actually agreed to all of that? -- and it was summer, so i did those things a whole lot! and i felt i was very attentive...these days, i'm kinda shocked that she lived. )

[finallyfound10]

I am "behind" too. I do think ADD has something to do with it as well as other issues that I have- some of which I own completely and others which I don't. A lot of it is being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic who I am now almost completely convinced has ADD. So maybe it really is at it's core the ADD- if my dad started drinking (partially) as a teen to cope?

[RedJosh]

Well, I used to feel that way a lot... but I think I feel like that less and less.

Part of the reason for it is the work I do. I write about human rights. The problem I face on a daily basis is 30-40-50 heck, even 60 year olds who lack compassion and understanding of the human condition. Better yet, selfishness prevails to a degree you'd think they were kids, fighting over toys, not adults, discussing important issues.

There are things we have power over and things we don't. I can't help outgrow myself emotionally if I tried. I do feel like I've matured quite a lot in the past few years, but I'm still 5-8 years behind at least in my mind. (I believed that even before I was diagnosed). I think I've just come to accept that I'm not as emotionally mature as some other people my age that I interact with. (It does create some social issues at times, but I've learned ways to get around it i.e. sincere apologies actually help).

What I have tried to compensate with is with mental maturity. I have read a lot of books. I have spent a great deal of time understanding a variety of subjects and issues. I have developed a great deal of compassion and forced myself to learn to care. In my personal life, I may be a bit unfulfilled, but I think I've matured past my age when it comes to mental maturity because of spending time developing skills that don't necessarily benefit me personally, but might end up helping others in some way.

And that helps me in a weird way because people who know me and know my motivations and drives actually think I'm more mature than some of them are because they feel like somehow not being selfish is a sign of maturity.

Does that make any sense?

(Yes, I still feel sad about the issue, but I can't fix it quickly so I accept it and move on would've been a better answer).

[tdsb12]

Originally Posted by RedJosh

And that helps me in a weird way because people who know me and know my motivations and drives actually think I'm more mature than some of them are because they feel like somehow not being selfish is a sign of maturity.

As a NTer that is how I interpret maturity to a certain degree as well. Or, I should say, if someone is really selfish I think of them as not having matured and that they are still acting as a kid.