Going nowhere just to save gas? Frustrating skewed logic/advice from others.

[spunkysmum]

Currently I am living where I do not want to end up permanently, and my goal is to settle back in the area where I DO want to live and have lived before.

So here's the frustrating part - people thinking that it makes sense for me to get a job close to where I live in order to save money on gas and wear and tear on my old car, (rather than looking for work in the area where I want to live and commuting while I save up enough money to move.) HOW does this make sense?

Logically, it's glaringly obvious that starting a job in a certain area is one of the best ways to make sure you get even more stuck there than you already are. It should also be glaringly obvious that whatever money I might save on gas could not POSSIBLY be worth losing anymore time being stuck where I shouldn't be and getting nowhere. I'm going to be 36 in less than a month - on what planet could it be considered a good idea for me to stick around my parents' house a minute later than I have to?

I'm a safe and skilled driver, I enjoy driving and much of my past working life has involved at least a half-hour commute. In other words, driving a distance to work every day is no big deal to me, in fact, in a lot of ways I have always preferred it. That "buffer" helps me get my act together for the day (and living away from where I work also helps me maintain my privacy when working in a small town where everybody knows everything about everybody else who lives there, like at my last job. I didn't live there, so they didn't know everything about me and I LIKED it that way, LOL)

ANYHOO...the point is that it aggravates me that people don't see what's so obvious to me, that it is far more smart, sensible, and conducive to success and progress to get a job where I WANT to live rather than where I am currently STUCK. A job is a major anchor to a place. It's like throwing up your grappling hook to the point you want to reach and using it to climb up there.

Literally, if I did it the way people think I should be, I would be virtually GOING NOWHERE in life just to save gas!

[Fuzzy12]

Err..other people are crazy. I try to ignore crazy advice now but I know it's frustrating.

I just got a job. It's not perfect but it's a job, you know? The company is just checking up on my background and people keep telling me that they hope that my background check will fail so I don't have to join. I don't get it...

Anyway, it sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on your priorities, what you want and what you need. Try to ignore advice when you know it's complete rubbish or even if it just doesn't apply to you. I totally agree with you by the way!!

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12

Err..other people are crazy. I try to ignore crazy advice now but I know it's frustrating.

I just got a job. It's not perfect but it's a job, you know? The company is just checking up on my background and people keep telling me that they hope that my background check will fail so I don't have to join. I don't get it...

Anyway, it sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on your priorities, what you want and what you need. Try to ignore advice when you know it's complete rubbish or even if it just doesn't apply to you. I totally agree with you by the way!!

Thanks!

I'm pretty good at not letting myself be swayed or tempted to second-guess myself at this kind of rubbish reasoning, it just frustrates me because I can tell that they think that THEIR reasoning makes more sense when it SO DOESN"T! LOL

Wait...what? People are telling you they hope your background check won't clear? What for?

[Fuzzy12]

Originally Posted by spunkysmum

Thanks!

I'm pretty good at not letting myself be swayed or tempted to second-guess myself at this kind of rubbish reasoning, it just frustrates me because I can tell that they think that THEIR reasoning makes more sense when it SO DOESN"T! LOL

Wait...what? People are telling you they hope your background check won't clear? What for?

I guess, it's because they think the job is **** and if I fail the background check then I won't feel guilty about refusing it. Nevermind that I don't have any other alternative lined up or that I might actually find the job interesting..

Anyway, trying hard to ignore them.

[Flory]

Hey there, Go for what you think is right, and definitely if you'd like to move to a new area what better way to get to know it and people around there than working there! and hell, if you've got a new job, a little bit of wear and tear on the car is fixable right ? x best wishes

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by Florence1989

Hey there, Go for what you think is right, and definitely if you'd like to move to a new area what better way to get to know it and people around there than working there! and hell, if you've got a new job, a little bit of wear and tear on the car is fixable right ? x best wishes

Where I want to live is basically in the general area where I have lived before. I miss everything about living there and want to go back as soon as possible. Also I want to live closer to where my boyfriend lives. I might have a place to stay but I do not feel like I have a HOME, if that makes sense. So in a sense I am homeless. I do not want to stay homeless just to save gas. I do not mean to offend people who really have been homeless by comparing my situation to theirs, but in an emotional sense I feel homeless, though not physically.

I have always driven old cars that didn't cost more than a few hundred dollars. The one I drive now was basically given to us free. Things just have a way of working out to where I have something to drive, though it's never been anything fancy. Actually that sounds even sillier when you think of it that way....stay stuck in the mud to save wear and tear on a car that didn't cost me anything anyway.

Honestly, one of the reasons this advice bothers me so much is that to me it speaks to a mindset of the people who think this way. They are people who I care about and want the best for. I want them to be successful, and I fear they won't as long as they think more in terms of treading water and surviving than in being successful in the future. Success is swimming, not treading water. It's moving towards something, not just trying to stay afloat in one spot. People can be so limited by the kind of thinking that goes along with "conventional wisdom."

[Shlarin]

Reminds me of the discussion I had with my dad a while ago..

He commented how I should be getting a new car after starting work for so long already.. I'm still driving the 1999 Honda Civic I had gotten new over a decade ago since it's so cheap to drive and insure and doesn't have any major problems despite having well over 150K miles. I calculated the amount of money I'd need to spend on the new car, the additional insurance, and the lost interest on the money spent (using my average return on my investments) and it's decisively not worth it even though I have the money available to pay in cash.

My motto is if it ain't broke, don't fix/replace it.

At the same time, we were discussing my budget and he was pretty shocked at how much I spend at Whole Foods. This is in spite of the fact I've been consistently saving 30-60% of my after-tax income since starting work a few years ago.

We both have great money management and still we can disagree over where money should be spent. I guess everyone has different priorities.

[Fuzzy12]

Originally Posted by Shlarin

Reminds me of the discussion I had with my dad a while ago..

He commented how I should be getting a new car after starting work for so long already.. I'm still driving the 1999 Honda Civic I had gotten new over a decade ago since it's so cheap to drive and insure and doesn't have any major problems despite having well over 150K miles. I calculated the amount of money I'd need to spend on the new car, the additional insurance, and the lost interest on the money spent (using my average return on my investments) and it's decisively not worth it even though I have the money available to pay in cash.

My motto is if it ain't broke, don't fix/replace it.

At the same time, we were discussing my budget and he was pretty shocked at how much I spend at Whole Foods. This is in spite of the fact I've been consistently saving 30-60% of my after-tax income since starting work a few years ago.

We both have great money management and still we can disagree over where money should be spent. I guess everyone has different priorities.

I drove a 1998 Honda Civic till about 2 months ago. I loved that car to bits and cried buckets when we finally part exchanged it. My parents have been urging (insisting, arguing with me) for years to get a newer car. They wanted me to get a small city car car like a Honda Jazz and my brother insisted I buy a nippy, sexy car like a BMW 1 series. Neither of them fulfill even remotely my requirements (or my preferences) but who cares????

Everyone has got different priorities and opinions but it annoys the hell out of me when people start aggressively pushing their priorities and opinions on you in issues that have absolutely no bearing on them.

I still miss my Honda Civic. It was perfect for me inspite of its age and mileage. That engine is immortal, I think. Everything else had started falling apart though so we finally got rid of it.

[spunkysmum]

Do not even get me started on other people's ideas of what car I should be driving. I went through a harrowing ordeal last year where I ended up with a car I hated after giving up one I loved, all because of what other people told me to do.