Adults with ADD Thinking back on childhood and friends

[tractor1]

This is one subject I have not seen written about much. I am wondering what you all remember. I really had only one good friend thru school as far as long term, and he finally got dx by Dr Wender as ADD as an adult. I am guessing you all felt different than other kids, as I did. I suspect ADD kids tend to associate with each other, as the odd-ball activites/sudden changes/risk taking/skipping school stuff didn't float with most. What do you remember?

[RhapsodyInBlue]

I can't relate to being with the risk takers as I'm inattentive/hyperfocused type, but yes, I felt different from other kids. Usually I was found in the library with my nose In a book, or walking out on my own.

Close friends were only 2 that I let get that close. One died when I was 14 from Melanoma, the other I suspect was ADHD, but same type as myself.

I skipped school twice to walk in a forest.!!!

I didn't like school, but did well except for failing Math until I "wanted" to pass for the final year. Then I only managed a pass. The rest I was a straight A student who did well, but reports were always that I paid NO attention in class and was frequently observed daydreaming. This annoyed teachers.

Good question!

[f_wcomboadhd]

i dont recall having any friends that stand out as adhd actually. most of my symptoms allowed me to live a relatively 'normal' life on the surface but it shows up in my grades, my emotions, my decision making kind of stuff...no one during my childhood noticed i had adhd as no one would since girls didn't have it right? (i'm 29) i got in trouble in elementary b/c i seemed a bit overenthusiastic and kind of crazy..(wearing my dress inside out by accident, never stopped talking, and skipping to the pencil sharpener type stuff)
i think when i was a young child i was more of a loner..and there are periods throughout my life where i was a loner more than other times. i've only always had a few very good friends-
my brain kept me up to speed and beyond intellectually
but i remember feeling very very different from the other kids. one of the memories that really kind of haunts me, which must demonstrate my ability to hyperfocus, would be all the times that i read during recess and lunch hour and the staff would always have to urge me on b/c the bell had already rang and i didn't notice. i was always in my own world. i would read other books during class instead of the books we were supposed to be reading and i was busted reading 'romance' novels in fourth grade that the teacher chided me about publicly..(i didn't know that was soft p-o-r-n, my grown up neighbor gave a box of them to me and i just read like a caterpiller-i ate everything in front of me)
anyway. i'm totally off point. what can i say? thats me.

[Debs]

I was incredibly social. That is all school was about for me, getting through class so I could go hang with friends or hopefully see the "cute guy" during the break. I got through school but didn't do much homework and always passed things in late. None of my girlfriends were ADD but I know one of the guys that was. I am inattentive type but I still was always up for a good time, but at the same time I feared getting in trouble with my parents so was anxious a lot of the time. Skipped school and did way to many drugs ...gee was I trying to self medicate? It never occured to me that I had ADD until May of last year because I have never been hyper.

I had a great childhood/teen years, but wish I had applied myself in school but I probably did the best I could. I wonder how I would have done if I was on meds then?

[casper]

I still have some friends from HS. Two of which i went to elementary school with, one I suspect has ADD and the other I know does not. But to be honest, this is not something I ever talked about with my friends. BC I also have LD's I was a very shy kid in HS. I was afraid to ask questions, or act out or do anything like that. I was always afraid of what my spec ed teachers would say, or think or whatever. I was a very quiet introverted child in HS, that is just the opposite now. I guess part of it was that I felt I could not open up in my classes, cause I didn't like the people in my class or the teachers or....

Thats my experiences...enjoy!

[Wheezie]

hey tractor, welcome to ADDForums.

here's a thread you might find interesting http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4153

i was from a small town where the kids a went to school with all grew up together. i wasn't a social outcast, but, i didn't quite fit in either.

my best friend had some ADD-like traits. mostly though i think we were friends because the same things made us laugh.

[rollerbladejess]

Hi Tractor1,

I know just what you mean, because I had similar experiences when I was younger. I was never able to make friends easily, and I would generally find someone new every year and make friends with them....we were generally the two people that didn't socialize with many other people. It was hard, because everyone generally wants to have friends and be well-liked, but I didn't know how to reach out to anyone, and I ended up making on average about one friend per year.

Until recently, I've never been able to keep a friend for very long, because I'm so absent minded when it comes to doing the necessary things to keep someone as a friend. I know most of my ex-friends thought I was a flake because I never remembered birthdays and always forgot to call and things like that. When I was 21 (I'm 24 now) I read a book called "How to win friends and influence people" and it really changed my life. It explained in clear and simple english the reason I wan't successful with my friendships in the past, and provided tested and true methods of getting along with other people. I definitely recommend it to anyone that feels like they have difficulty meeting new people or forming bonds with others -- it's by Dale Carnegie. For a short example - the first few chapters deal with things you should not do if you're trying to get along with others. The first one is, don't criticize, condemn or complain about something they are or what they're doing, because it makes anyone naturally defensive. Definitely an awesome book, something you can sink your teeth into and practice. They even have seminars to teach the priciples of the book.

Have a good weekend everyone,

Jessica

[whiteraven]

I've never had a lot of friends. At school ususally just one or two. My parents moved a lot, not far, just far enough that we were always starting new schools and having to start again to try and fit in, which I don't do well anyhow. I never understood why everyone would laugh at me when I was caught daydreaming again. Or if I'd skip to the pencil sharpener, as someone else noted! I'd always be last to be picked for games, because the rules were not as intensely important to me as the feelings of all involved. Or I'd gap out and be picking daisies or watching spiders when it was my turn. I found the girly giggle cliches entirely incomprehensible.
I also would miss bells when I was reading; would walk to school so slowly I'd be late, even if I had lots of time when I left home. There was too much to do and see on the way. Huckleberry Finn must have been one of us!

[Struggling]

I never really fit in w/ anyone. I hung out w/ a group of 3 other girls in elementary school...and i would call them good friends, but still didn't feel like I fit in all the time. High school was terrible...I did way too many things in order to fit in...I grew up way too fast, my entire teenage years I prefer not to think about.

[timh]

Everyone mentions that they felt different in school. One thing comes to mind when I was really young in 3rd or 4th grade.

The concept of being "self-aware". You know the whole "we are humans" thing. I tried explaining it to my friends and they were like "What?". It was very frustrating.

I also would get up in the middle of class and go talk to someone when I was supposed to be working. I would also go sharpen my pencil about 10 time a day. I found it impossible to sit still in class. It felt like I was going to crawl out of my spine. I remember telling the doctor about it and he was like "What?'. No one understood.

I found some of my old report cards a couple weeks ago. My teachers comments were. " Tim's incessant talking is wearing on all of us." & " He has a lot of ideas, which he shares with the class." & " Is easily distracted during movies."

- Tim

[atllady42]

I only had a few friends when growing up , the older i got the less friends i had. I still have one i talk to on occassion, but i feel less than, when i talk to her or see her, she is successful, and married a great guy. my life has been one disaster after another. I guess that feeling keeps me from having friends. one disasterous relationship after another.

[whiteraven]

timh, I remember a similar reaction to my idea, at about age 6-7, that there is spirit in everything, therfore wanton destruction is wrong in more ways than just property damage. I never broke my toys, smashed flowers etc. because of their own selfness and I would get upset if others did this, or if I did it inadvertantly. I was ridiculed for this belief. It hurt a whole lot.
I had that "shares ideas" comment on my report card too!

[tractor1]

Thank you all for your thoughts/comments. I don't remember a lot from younger years in school. I think I will try to get old report cards if they still have them, just to see what the teachers said. It is nice to know one is not alone. Thank you!

[Crash-Dr]

My report cards all throughout my schooling were pretty much so consistent that they could have been written by the same set of teachers for the entirity of my schooling life

"Matthew would do very well if he would just apply himself...."
"Matthew needs to work on his organisational skills...." (oooh, I hated that one!)

-CrashDr

[Crash-Dr]

As for friends, for some of the time there was one or two, but all in all my school years were an exercise in the depths of lonliness. It's a period of my life I'd really rather forget for the most part.

-CrashDr