Too many ideas and never finish any of them

[murlin99]

I am sort of the same way. When I first get a new project its awesome and I will spend hours even forgetting to go to bed to work on it. But after driving at it hard like this for a week maybe 2 it gets boring and I crash off of it and it takes all of the energy I have to go back to it. I have about 15 awesome, half finished software projects, everything from network monitoring to using information about spam sources from our mail logs to generate fractal images (yeah it was an odd idea, but seemed awesome at the time).



--Bryan

[AMust711]

Originally Posted by David S

It is a Chore to keep my focus on one thing. My mind likes to jump around but when my attention is on a specific subject i'm good but my mind seams to want to divert easily. I'm 55 and have struggled with lack of self esteme for years. ?=I hate drugs and rather do things naturally instead. Yesturday i went to a photography meeting and had 24 oz. of coffee mixed with cappitiano vanilla. Then i had a cup cake. SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE I COULDN'T FOCUS IF I TRIED AND MY SUB CONTIOUS WAS PLAYING MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND. WORST OF ALL I COULDN'T RETAIN DIDUALLY. IT TOOK ABOUT 2 HOURS BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO START FOCUSING AGAIN IT SEEMS. THIS WAS THE WORSE BOUT I HAD HAD IN A LONG TIME.

Im not going to tell you for sure but everything you experienced sounds like a caffeine overdose with a massive sugar rush to boot. It's not serious unless you have pre-existing heart/health conditions or you drink 80-100 cups in one sitting, but there are medications that effect the livers ability to eliminate caffeine. In high doses caffeine does the exact opposite of what it is supposed to, it decreases mental function/cognitive ability. Caffeine "intoxication" is nearly identical to overdoses with stimulants in general. I'm all about eating natural too but a stimulant is a stimulant is a stimulant, it doesn't matter where the source is (Active/Inactive ingredients should always be known), it has the same effect on the body (for a majority of people). I used to be an avid coffee drinker, down to one or two cups a week or none, I'm starting to realize how strong it was and how it is potentially much more dangerous than ADHD meds because there is a general lack of respect for caffeine as a stimulant. I just started taking adderall for my ADHD about three weeks ago, i stopped drinking coffee for the first two weeks and on the 3rd weekend i decided to substitute my morning dose with a cup of coffee. BAM!!!, havent felt a jolt like that in years, way stronger to me than adderall. That's just me though

[carrotspinach]

how many are here like me ,work in technology and into too much time on computer reading forums,wikipedia,news,online info ,

also no girlfriend/life ,stable personal relationship ?

Originally Posted by Danteloogi

I can totally relate to you OP.

Its always been my passion and dream to be a programmer and I do know the basics of various languages. When I was 10-11 I would borrow C++ books from the local library and attempt to teach myself it. However, even though I wanted to learn real badly, I could not focus on the book. I would skip steps and jump ahead, obviously missing out on important information and having to go back and look for them.

Even now, if somebody gives me a basic programming idea (something like a game of craps) I can spend hours writing the code without being distracted. I love it! But when I have to learn anything new, I can't do it. I've been trying to create a basic 2d platforming engine and I just can't stay focused long enough to learn the basics. Even though I want to desperately. I'm really hoping that medication ends up helping me because I feel like my ADHD is blocking me from doing things I love.

[rockydaydreamer]

Originally Posted by noig3

Most recently I have created a piece of software that creates a map of Github. There are some bugs in the code still but it makes me feel good to explore different types of data.

The problem is that whenever I get to a part of any project that requires something tedious like thinking through a complex data structure and sequentially visualizing the code in my head or on paper systematically I get ****** off because I become bored as hell so much that I start feeling tired.
This makes me feel guilty because this is always the beginning of the "quitting point". I fly through everything and as soon as something becomes tedious or requires efforts that I have no interest in engaging in, I quit.

I wanted hack Pokemon roms, but when I learned that I needed to know hex codes, I was thinking ***** this ****! lol

I also have alot of ideas that I don't finish, but they tend to be divided into categories, which are based on my special interests. When I was growing up in the 90s, it was Pokemon and PBS kids shows. Then I got bored of waiting for newer pokemon games to come out because quite frankly the only thing I really cared about was exploring some kind of virtual world. My television interests then broadened to include more cartoons (when I discovered cable TV) and some dramas (preferably if they have elements of mystery or the supernatural). I've watched some sitcoms too, but most of them don't really grab my attention enough to make me committed to watching them.

Then my television interests narrowed down to one show (Heroes) until the series ended and I also played a facebook game based on it, which also happened to get discontinued. I don't play video/online games anymore, I lost interest after watching game commentaries on youtube. Now my next big obsession is youtube, I like youtubers that do commentaries on funny and cute videos. I also like youtubers who do daily vlogs, especially if they have kids in them.

A little goal I've had was to watch all the previous videos of my favorite youtubers, but there were also other series of videos that got me distracted (like videgame commentaries). I just now actually decided that I need to place limitations on myself on what I will actually watch and how much time I will have time to watch. I decided to watch only a watch 4 series of youtube videos and I'll watch 2 hours a day (this includes keeping up with older videos, the time will shorten after doing that).

Other than obsessions with the cute, the funny, and the mysterious (exploring game maps falls in here too), I also like other subjects (science, health, and religion). Now this is related because one of my ideas or goals is to make full bible commentary. However I get distracted by youtube videos.

Some of my older projects I've actually managed to complete include creating a youtube playlist of all the hymns from the SDA hymnal and creating a video summary of a documentary series exposing the religious/occult themes in movies and videogames.

Another interesting "obsession" of mine is obsessing over other people on the autism spectrum... lol

I rarely ever feel depressed, but I do get anxious and irritable at times, mostly do due my impulsiveness, needing instant gratification, and hyperfocusing to the point where interruptions annoy the heck out of me. I'm also a daydreamer and my mind is always joking about things or doing an internal monologue (which is probably my subconscious mind's way of avoiding depression).

[reneamrp]

I think this means we're triplets. I found myself in original post and yours.

[Rocket Man]

Join the club my friends. Sounds a lot like me. Independent worker (online marketing), can start many high value projects, but can't seem to finish any. Helps to be able to subcontract. Something else you may look into with a therapist is anxiety, specifically performance anxiety (it's not just sexual). For example, it took me 20 minutes to decide on a screen name for this forum... painful. Same goes at the grocery store; "hmm...should I get this brand of olive oil or that one? Hmmmm..." I finally angrily tell myself JUST GRAB ONE dumb***!!! Sound familiar to anyone?

BTW, first post. Thanks for the great forum.

[evilgrinners]

OMG.... OP... you have described me perfectly. In fact, that is how I got to this site.... ughhh

I'm trying to figure it out too man!

[Plognark]

Wow, yeah, that's me. Even the work from home thing.

20mg vyvanse is really low, I think. I mean, everyone's biochemistry is different, but I think a level that low is just enough to get your heart racing without actually getting your brain back in gear.

Not sure if you drink caffeine? I've found that the vyvanse (and adderal before that) make me hypersensitive to caffeine. Like, panicky crazy hypersensitive. There's a synergy between the reactions of caffeine and amphetamine type drugs that will push you over the edge into feeling like you're tweaking.

I think the amphetamines work on the reuptake, so the adrenaline sticks around longer. Caffeine makes your brain dump extra adrenaline into the system. End result: total manic overload.

[Excelsior1]

So many of us. What works best for all of you to get over this?

[FogNoggin]

I ask myself that everyday Excelsior1.

I have a website, 2 actually, what really bugs me is periods of inactivity to add content. One of those sites is comics, just bizarre stuff.
I agonize about getting my butt in gear to draw another comic or add to my blog, then I get a spurt of activity, I am focused again, I have momentum for a few days, I am not slowing down, then nothing, no motivation for it.

I draw comics, I am talented for it, but I don't like to draw most times, requires too much effort to keep on doing it consistently.
Yes I suffer from anhedonia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia
'the inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable'

If I have trouble doing what I like, how can I perform the chores of life?

I am envious of 'work at home people' I'd love to do that, but I can't, I'd be doing everything else to relieve the monotony of the work and get nothing done. Even looking for a job is a job.

My mind is like a messy room, distracted by the mess, and the mess is a reflection of my mind, I should pick up that shirt, oh, the garbage needs emptying, my tools are all over the place, I should check my email, go to this website, room is still a mess.
I got to take my resume down to the old folks home, to apply to be a custodian in the new building, well, I need a cover letter, I should wear clean pants, shave, walk down there, a lot of steps, weeks later, I still have not applied, tomorrow I'll do it, for sure, tomorrow.

[noig3]

Originally Posted by Binarywhisper

All the advice given is apt for the most part but I'd like to add my perception of the situation. You are approaching this as if it is a personal battle that you need to win in order to move forward and that is a critically flawed path IMO.

First you need to separate your battle with ADHD from your battle with your strengths and weaknesses as a coder. It would be great if you can over come the ADHD related symptoms but there is a strong likelihood that even if the drugs control your ADHD you still will not excel at the type of coding you currently suck at. You need to understand that! ADHD is not stopping you from achieving your goals. It is not! You are a programmer already. You have already demonstrated that to yourself. You have already proved that ADHD does not stop you from programming. You think because you are not a great programmer that is ADHD's fault? Seriously? Do you have any idea how few truly good programmers are out there? I worked in IT for 18 years and I met one and he was a mental mess. ADHD is not stopping you, it is distracting you from seeing what you need to do and what you need to do what ever is required to work around your limitations.

The first things that comes to mind for your situation is that you need a partner, an employee, or some one you can sub-contract portions of the job out to. That is how pro programmers work anyway. They are a part of a team. Each team member works on portions of the code and they use software that allows them to check in and check out elements of the software they are working on. (there are plenty of freeware/open source/pubdomain progs/online communities to do this)

No one but geniuses sit down and design software single handed anymore, not good software anyway. Are you are genius?

There are literally 100's of 1000's of excellent programmers for hire though various websites and many of the sites are excellent. You can review the coders work history, feedback and pricing structure (and many work for very very little) prior to contracting with them and I guarantee you there 10's of 1000's of people you can afford offering their services online right now

I am reading between the lines and concluding you would like this to be your livelihood, your business. Well what I just said is not only true of software but of business and if you want this to turn into a business than you need to start thinking that way. Right now you are thinking and behaving like a hobbyist and regardless of whether you get your ADHD under control or not you will never be more than a hobbyist if that is the mind set you are working from.

You think the goal is for you to write a program and IMO you are wrong. Because you have based your thought process on that flawed goal the path you are attempting is also flawed. What do you have to lose? You worried someone will steal your half finished likely never to be finished piece of code? No insult, but based on your description of yourself I can hire a far better east Indian coder for $10 per hour. You are ADHD, you will never likely be the fully rounded coder you wish to be but that does not mean it is not your path to the success you seek.

just my 2 cents

Thanks for the post. I already work as a programmer. It is also my hobby as well though. After reading this thread almost a year later I realized that there are many people with the same problem. I am just more tenacious than others. I always feel depressed if I cannot execute on something and have that execution match my expectations. Not finishing projects is a bad quality imho. But I have it. So I need to work through it.

The part about business is partially true. The projects I speak of, are typically projects that would require me to actually, you know finish something, as in not quit after the interesting parts are finished.
This still irritates me a bit. I guess being more disciplined and organized would help. Like writing a todo list of each step that needs to be finished.

Anyhow, I still struggle with the finishing thing. I have successfully completed a few things though which is great. Now I planning to either work on some automation tools for Hadoop or work on some LAN statistics tools. LET US EMBARK ON YET ANOTHER UNFINISHED PROJECT! FOR IT IS THE JOURNEY THAT MATTERS!

[t o m c a t]

I always start things, and if I get close to finishing any of them, I most often stop just shy of completing the project. I refinished the stairs but stopped with the top stair (it's been that way for three years). I painted the living room but I never replaced the plates around the plugs or light-switches (they are still exposed two years later). I re-did the bathroom, but never replaced the moldings (that was a year ago and still no moldings).It's almost as if I have some screwy phobia when it comes to completing a task.

[courier]

you will eventuall learn not to start them, just takes time to realise how bad we are. i took so many things apart and it destroyed everything, i realise i am a destroyer not a fixer.

[Sean122]

The characteristics that you've mentioned are almost scarily similar to exactly the same thing I go through on a day to day basis. I come up with (at least I think I do) some of the best ideas, but most of them I can never see to fruition.

The silver-lining in all of this is that I do in fact complete some lengthy tasks, as I'm sure the OP does as well. Heck, if you're learning to code at all that's got to stand for something - 99% of the population probably doesn't know basic HTML, and you're scripting for crying out loud.

I'm all for the meds - as that's like our insulin, but the thing that the meds won't change is the way we talk to ourselves. It's easy to say that we'll NEVER follow through on an idea, when in fact a lot of people aren't given the opportunity to even have the idea to begin with. That's pretty much the basis of CBT, to improve upon your thinking so that you can get out of the way of yourself.

Now if I can just learn to take my own advice.....

Thanks for sharing.

[eats_mice]

I have over 40 unfinished Garage Band projects!

I really enjoy writing, playing and listening to music. I always have music playing in my head, even in my sleep. I play guitar, bass and harmonica, and a little piano, but not enough to consider myself a pianist.

Got my harmonica for Christmas. I practiced almost everyday for a month, and I haven't picked it up for quite awhile. I think I need to get one of those head harness things so I can play it with my guitar.

Also, I recently got into GameMaker. I got a lot of work done on it. It was all I would do for about a month. I even took it to work with me sometimes. Then when it got to level design, I completely lost direction. Too many ways to go, I suppose. Maybe I'll try something else and see if I can finish that... maybe.