addiction, serious problem? ADHD

[yupyup1128]

I joined this forum looking for others who share my problem, or more so for help. Im 19 years old and ive previouslly taken ritalin. Im nervous, and kinda scared to take actions and gettin help for a few reasons. Firstly i dont want to confront this problem with parents, doctors, etc. If i do they will take it away, and lord knows what else. I know thats prolly what i need but i dunno i jsut cant do it. Ive highly abused adderall for quite sometime now, i use to take ritilan years ago, then stopped and then i started gettin addreall for homework and stuff last september, and then in october i went to the doctor and told them i was having problems still, (which i was, i have add/adhd) so they perscribed me adderall xr, i started taking 20mg, and that was a year ago. Since then ive rapidly increased my dosages because i couldnt get the feeling i wanted, it helped me concentrate and not act hyper, i was upset, i needed to study, i wanted to be more social, etc, etc. Before i knew it i would take all my pills within the first 2 weeks or so i had it, leaving me 2 weeks or so without it after my bing. I also increased my dosage also, from 20-40 a day so that way i could get 60 pills a month. Month after month i get a new perscription and it gets worse and worse lemme explain a little... the day comes when i get the script filled, the first few days i dont sleep, i look like ****, i get work done the first 1-3 days after that ive slowly started to loose it aafter these months, i hardly ever eat, i like to be with people, but then i dont, wow,, this is hard to sum up here,, ok lemme see its like one day i woke up and after 2 years with my EXboyfriend now, i realized i couldnt be with him anymore,, it actually happen over a month or 2, before taking adderall our relationship was different i was crazy in love with him,, then i was suddenly felt nothing, absoultly nothing, i still dont and i have gotten to the point now where i dont ever feel i can feel anything for anyone. I have been keepin this journal type thing for a good six months now cuz i started gettin wicked depressed even on it, so i try to keep it now, but its hard unless im on addreall. the following this have happen/ are happing to me since, No sleep ( ive been awake for 5 days no naps at most). No eatting( recently ive become so use to it i can eat a little), social problems, i cant even concentrate anymore without it, crazy mood changes, depression, changes in my sex drive, ive taken up to 200mgs within 2 hr period once,, that is nothing tho i usually just randomly pop them now, cuz this has gotten so bad so i dunno how much has been in mu system. ive defintily experience halluinations, my eyes have gotten blurry, i could go on. Now i havently takin it in 1 week and the other day i had this sharp stabbing feeling in my heart, im so freakin tired all the time, i dont hangout with anyone, only at work or if people come here, i cant do anywork, im more hyper and obnoxiuos at times. These are all things that have happen a bit recently when i dont take it, Im scared wut wiill happen if i dont take it again soon, and im scared what will happen if i do, i dunno what to do , i know u would say to do something but daymn its more then i can explain,, sorry this is so long, plez gimmie some feedback, and dont think poorly of me, the doctor never even spoke to me when i asked to up my dosage, i wanna stop but i caant..help im tryin not to take it, but i have a perscription comming to me in the mail in a few day, so hurry

[Gregster]

You have to talk to someone who can actually help you control this problem. If you continue the way you are, you won't get ahead. The way you are taking the Adderall, you are not getting any positive effects for your ADHD - if you take too much Adderall, it's just as bad - or worse - than untreated ADHD. So now you are having issues with the stimulant abuse, on top of your issues with ADHD, and what is going to happen to make any of this better? If you really WANT to get yourself out of this downward spiral, something must change. "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got" is a popular phrase when it some to addiction and substance abuse, and it's true. Some people find that they can help themselves with these problems, but most need to get help from others, and I suggest you try and find a health care proffesional or family member to help you. Don't worry about people thinking bad of you - problems with substance abuse are common and they cross all social classes - Doctors and therapists who specialize in treating substance abuse often get into it because they had the same problems themselves. No one is perfect, everyone has problems and we all need external help sometimes - that's what a civilized society is for - asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength and that you know your own limitations.
If you are worried that you will have to go off the Adderall, and you are avoiding help because you are afraid of that fact, it's a perfect example of how the drug has gotten hold of you, and it won't let go until you let go of it.
Good luck,
Greg

[Garry]

Dont know what city you live in but you might want to find a friend for protection and take a tour of Skid Row.

It may open your eyes to where you might possible end up if you dont talk to someone

You talked to us

You told us the truth

You know what you need to do

now you just need to figure out how to do it

Talking to someone who cares and knows how to direct you to the correct place for some help will be a good start

Dont try to repeat with spooken words what you told us in your post

Print out the post and let them read it

It says all you need to tell them

Lots of luck

Keep us informed

[Draga]

Sweetie....maybe U should get off this med if it getting to be a problem...ask doc about a milder type of med...or maybe straterra...it a none stimulant..but if ya do...gicve yourself a week or so to get yer med outta yer system and get through withdrawls.

[gingagirl]

How about you print out this post, circle your post & jot a quick note saying something like: "This is me. I need help. Can we talk?" and give it to your parents (or send it to them thru the mail if that's easier). This way you don't have to deal with the huge hurdle of a telling your parents in a face-to-face meeting. Your problem is scary enough as it is ...no need to make telling your parents any harder than it needs to be.

[Swamp Donkey]

First,
Welcome to the Forums!

Second,
It took a lot of courage to admit what you've just admitted.

Third,
I relate because I've had very serious drug addiction problems in the past.

Fourth,
I'm wondering if you need more help than we can give you here online. Don't be afraid to call a treatment center, or Narcotics Anonymous if you are really close to the edge. Also, accept my apologies in advance if I've overestimated the problems you're having, but I'm worried.
In the meantime, HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?

I'll check back on this post regularly over the weekend to see if you've responded.
Also, there is a private substance abuse forum here if you need privacy. Forum member "Itschaotic" is in charge of it; contact him for more info, and he'll probably post here before long.

[yupyup1128]

i just i am looking to get the courge to stop, i want someone who can understand me , relate to me and help me,, hard to ask tho

[Ian]

Swamp Donkey

Yes I'm with the Swamp Donkey on this one. If you have made the decision to get clean then a 12 step program or detoxification unit is where you need to be.

We'll do what we can here if you want to write more but it seems obvious to me that you have your work cut out for you and if you quit you best be sure it's what you really want.

It won't be easy, but it will be much better later I promise you.

Like the Swamp Donkey I've had some issues with addiction in my past. There are more than a few of us kicking around these threads.

There is a live chat that sometimes has people in it. If you'd like to take this to a private forum for this discussion there is one here and available to you if you ask.

Thanks for piping up SD
ian

[Swamp Donkey]

Originally Posted by yupyup1128

i just i am looking to get the courge to stop, i want someone who can understand me , relate to me and help me,, hard to ask tho

Its been close to 24 hours since you first posted.
What have you done to help yourself?
Have you abused any drugs in this time?
How are you doing?

[yupyup1128]

ive been workin alot, ugh and i did take 40mgs(my prescribed dosage) but thats it, i am still thinking though about how to approach this, printing it out, telling the parents is not an option, i am gonna talk to a friend soon and maybe she what she thinks, but i dunno. i feel too deep in this i know anystep i take will prolly be drastic

[Ian]

Glad to hear back from you yupyup1

Getting outside help will be a good thing I expect, but the best place is somewhere like Narcotics Anonymous. They will know the meat of the matter and be able to offer you the best examples of what they've done to get free.

Whatever the case get a phone number of an NA contact close to you just in case you get the urge to talk to someone.

Really happy to hear you got through work and on to the prescribed dose.
Keep in touch.
ian

[Swamp Donkey]

yupyup,
Are you still here?
How are you doing?
What have you done to get help?

I hope you're doing better.

[Universal]

Originally Posted by yupyup1128

I joined this forum looking for others who share my problem, or more so for help. Im 19 years old and ive previouslly taken ritalin. Im nervous, and kinda scared to take actions and gettin help for a few reasons. Firstly i dont want to confront this problem with parents, doctors, etc. If i do they will take it away, and lord knows what else. I know thats prolly what i need but i dunno i jsut cant do it. Ive highly abused adderall for quite sometime now, i use to take ritilan years ago, then stopped and then i started gettin addreall for homework and stuff last september, and then in october i went to the doctor and told them i was having problems still, (which i was, i have add/adhd) so they perscribed me adderall xr, i started taking 20mg, and that was a year ago. Since then ive rapidly increased my dosages because i couldnt get the feeling i wanted, it helped me concentrate and not act hyper, i was upset, i needed to study, i wanted to be more social, etc, etc. Before i knew it i would take all my pills within the first 2 weeks or so i had it, leaving me 2 weeks or so without it after my bing. I also increased my dosage also, from 20-40 a day so that way i could get 60 pills a month. Month after month i get a new perscription and it gets worse and worse lemme explain a little... the day comes when i get the script filled, the first few days i dont sleep, i look like ****, i get work done the first 1-3 days after that ive slowly started to loose it aafter these months, i hardly ever eat, i like to be with people, but then i dont, wow,, this is hard to sum up here,, ok lemme see its like one day i woke up and after 2 years with my EXboyfriend now, i realized i couldnt be with him anymore,, it actually happen over a month or 2, before taking adderall our relationship was different i was crazy in love with him,, then i was suddenly felt nothing, absoultly nothing, i still dont and i have gotten to the point now where i dont ever feel i can feel anything for anyone. I have been keepin this journal type thing for a good six months now cuz i started gettin wicked depressed even on it, so i try to keep it now, but its hard unless im on addreall. the following this have happen/ are happing to me since, No sleep ( ive been awake for 5 days no naps at most). No eatting( recently ive become so use to it i can eat a little), social problems, i cant even concentrate anymore without it, crazy mood changes, depression, changes in my sex drive, ive taken up to 200mgs within 2 hr period once,, that is nothing tho i usually just randomly pop them now, cuz this has gotten so bad so i dunno how much has been in mu system. ive defintily experience halluinations, my eyes have gotten blurry, i could go on. Now i havently takin it in 1 week and the other day i had this sharp stabbing feeling in my heart, im so freakin tired all the time, i dont hangout with anyone, only at work or if people come here, i cant do anywork, im more hyper and obnoxiuos at times. These are all things that have happen a bit recently when i dont take it, Im scared wut wiill happen if i dont take it again soon, and im scared what will happen if i do, i dunno what to do , i know u would say to do something but daymn its more then i can explain,, sorry this is so long, plez gimmie some feedback, and dont think poorly of me, the doctor never even spoke to me when i asked to up my dosage, i wanna stop but i caant..help im tryin not to take it, but i have a perscription comming to me in the mail in a few day, so hurry

So those this mean, you are into school/books/tests/ and most of all studing, and getting A+ in school etc? explain how your life got changed once you got on adderall, how did this effect school ?!? its the only thing i would like to ask you/know.

[paulbf]

Here's a suggestion. Ask your doctor for concerta at a lower dose. It is time release so not as abusable. It is possible that the medication does help your ADD but right now it's really not working out correctly, the dose is too high probably even at your prescribed level. You just will have to calm down and be regular with your dosage. Asking for the time release type should help with this if you want to stay on the medication. What you describe is definitely addiction, just like junkies taking methamphetamine or crack cocaine so yes you need to get out of that habit. You can try controlling it maybe admit your problem to your doctor but just partially, he seems pretty relaxed so you could say you sometimes are tempted to finish your prescription early and maybe a lower dose of time release would be better. There are plenty of ADDers who abused drugs, even stimulants in the past but then got on a reasonable amount of a prescription and it was helpful. You are not on a reasonable amount though. You can fix this simply by asking your doctor for a smaller prescription. Tell him you think it's too much & making you too nervous. This is the fact.

Good luck!

[yupyup1128]

hey, i just wanna say thanks to everyone who took the time to read my post, and replyed with great imput anddddd my sorry i havent added anything in a long time.... ive been buSY ( drove across country ri-cali... good time) cuz of all the good advice and what not you gave i thought of something clever to say to the doctor without tellin her i was "addicted".... basically what happen was i was forced to visit the doctor for a yearly physical and i got the courage to vaugely tell her, yo im havin trouble with addreall, its even givin me heart problems, its made me alot more hyper,and its just not working for me anymore... to my suprise(well considering the last doctor visit i shouldnt of been) she wasnt very knowledgable towards the add/adhd meds. I asked ~fully aware of the fact~ "isnt adderall an amphedimine?, i need something more natural and safer" and for godsake she says me well medicines like adderall and concerta arent addictive substances and usually work very well...... i said no i need something else......then she suggests maybe try something like dexedrine, or ritalin ,concerta. What the hell is wrong with that sitution??? YOur a doctor and never before heard addreall was addictive and is similar to coke, and yata yata yata..???? OBSURD! Then i told her i joined a forum and tru it learned i maybe be bipolar,,,, in the end she descided to perscribe to concerta for the time being also she gave me zanax and got me a conection with some lady who i guess is a phycotheripist so she can help me,,,, oh and i will have to wear a heart montior thingy starting wednesday ........ start concerta sat... i hate it doesnt work or something... ive only initiated this whole thing, and i nervous to go to this lady and hear what the hells wrong with me and what i should and need to do... ahhh this is all hard and sucks i want the "kick" adderall/coke gives right now and alot of times but i know its just a one way ticket to deadend land... ahh sorry this is so damn long,, just wanted to update anyone who cares, and wish me luck with overcomming this overpowering desire to take stuff again... later this week marks the beginning of a huge change for my life... who knows whats to come