Advice needed

[Cecily]

My 3-½-year-old daughter has always been a tough one to figure out. There’s an art to “handling” her: heading off or responding to her odd tantrums, getting and holding her attention, getting her to respond and cooperate, understanding what she wants because she doesn‘t communicate it well every time, etc. As her mother, I’ve become an expert on her and so it surprised me a bit to start seeing her through the eyes of nursery workers (her only time cared for by non-relatives since we home school). It breaks my heart, to be honest, and I am crying as I write this. It especially hurt when someone said of her older brother, “He’s such a good boy!” and conspicuously left our daughter unmentioned. I’ve seen these workers shocked and highly disapproving.

I can just imagine what it’s like when I’m not there…. I have never mentioned to them that she may have ADD, like her father, because I do not know for sure that she does. I’m afraid that if I go in there and offer tips on how to get her attention and a desired response from her, that they will assume we’re spoiling her; or if I mention that her behaviors may be caused by ADD, that I’m making excuses for our poor parenting. What should I do? I am willing to take any judgment from them so long as my daughter is no longer hurt by people responding to her with impatience and anger and subtle disgust. I guess I should explain to them about ADD, shouldn’t I?

[ccom5100]

By the time my ds was 3 1/2, he had been "asked to leave" 3 daycare situations. I searched and searched for answers. Then I found the Feingold Program, which addresses these symptoms through diet. Upon eliminating chemical additives (artificial colors, artificial flavors, and certain preservatives) and testing for salicylate sensitivity, I found that his symptoms were much more manageable. I was able to keep him off of adhd meds until he entered middle school. Now he only takes a small dose of a non-stimulant med, plus he continues to avoid those additives. He is attending a very challenging charter prep school and doing well.

Studies have shown that sensitivity to these additives can cause or exacerbate adhd symptoms. Eliminating those additives from the diet has helped many a family. It doesn't work for everyone, but it is worth giving it a try, especially since your dd is so young. There are links to some articles on the subject in my signature box below. Feel free to check them out and to send me a private message if you have any questions.

[ChangelingGirl]

I am an adult with behavior issues (diagnosed Asperger's not ADD, but some of your daughter's issues are very recognizable), and it is my humble opinion that you can share tips on how to handle your daughter. If she were in regular education, she could get accommodations, so now tht she's in nursery, she should get these accommodations too. Also, if they tell you you spoil her, can you get yyour daughter's ped or other doctor on your side? She may be too young to be tested for ADD but a doctor may definitely suspect something is wrong.

[CheekyMonkey]

Have you looked into getting a diagnosis? Is autism a possibility as well? The communication issues + meltdowns makes me wonder.

[silivrentoliel]

Nursery workers need to know ways you've found to help her when she has a meltdown, otherwise, they get frustrated, just like you might have in the beginning. She's still young, and giving them a lengthy explanation may or may not be necessary, but at least you wouldn't have to wonder how they are handling her if she does melt down.

[Ms. Mango]

My son was also kicked out of preschool at age 4. It's actually not uncommon because, unlike primary school, they don't have a legal obligation to keep your child. I was also the parent of the child the daycare workers, parents of the other kids and kids themselves gave the stink eye to, so I know what that feels like. So, btdt; got a t-shirt I'd never wear.

Here's what I'd do:

1. Get your child formally assessed. Don't guess at what she has and don't tell others what you think she has. Truth is, you don't know. While ADHD is very heritable, she may not have it. Or she may have ADHD, or she may have ADHD co-morbid with another disorder.

2. If there are strategies that work with your child share them with the staff, but don't be surprised if they are unable (or unwilling) to implement them. You're dealing one-on-one with your child while they have a whole classroom of kids to contend with. Most daycare workers are overworked and underpaid. They don't really know what ADHD is or how to work with an ADHD child. I'd venture to say that most don't really care (that was my experience). They have your child and 10-15 others to take care of. Most daycares don't have enough staff to give your child the attention she needs, and have to balance the needs of the other children with yours.

3. Consider whether or not this is the best environment for your child. Are there other alternatives? Contact your school district--they may have programs that are a better fit for your child. The district I live in has an integrated preschool for typical and special needs kids. They have a better teacher/child ratio and all the teachers and aides are trained to meet the needs of the special needs kids.

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by ccom5100

By the time my ds was 3 1/2, he had been "asked to leave" 3 daycare situations. I searched and searched for answers. Then I found the Feingold Program, which addresses these symptoms through diet. Upon eliminating chemical additives (artificial colors, artificial flavors, and certain preservatives) and testing for salicylate sensitivity, I found that his symptoms were much more manageable. I was able to keep him off of adhd meds until he entered middle school. Now he only takes a small dose of a non-stimulant med, plus he continues to avoid those additives. He is attending a very challenging charter prep school and doing well.

Studies have shown that sensitivity to these additives can cause or exacerbate adhd symptoms. Eliminating those additives from the diet has helped many a family. It doesn't work for everyone, but it is worth giving it a try, especially since your dd is so young. There are links to some articles on the subject in my signature box below. Feel free to check them out and to send me a private message if you have any questions.

Allergies and sensitivities can cause ADHD-LIKE symptoms or make ADHD symptoms worse,
but they do not cause ADHD.


OP - I agree with Ms. Mango about getting your child tested.
It's awesome that you've figured out how to work with your child's strengths and
compensate for her weaker areas!
For more information on ADHD and parenting tips that are very helpful,
check out the sticky thread Dizfriz's Corner.

[ginniebean]

Don't mention ADHD. You can tell them your daughter has neurological impairments and because the brain is involved it comes out as behaviour problems. Then suggest tips. No one needs to know the name of her diagnosis and it can often be unhelpful because it's not taken seriously and people haven't the first clue and think they do. Unspecified neurological issues people know they don't know and also know they don't want to cause a child even more difficulties. They are generally much more helpful.

Also, it's important that you know how to respond to the threats to parenting image. People will be so unhelpful with many time wasting suggestions about how to parent a child with a disability. Most of them will be wrong (if not all of them) and even tho it might make you as a parent feel better the time taken away from actual treatment can cause psycho-social harm to your child.

[Ms. Mango]

Unless I'm mistaken, the OP's daughter does not have a diagnosis of any kind at this point. Is she neurologically impaired? Possibly, but neither the OP nor we are qualified to make that determination.

What is the purpose of making something up--which is what you're doing at this point without a formal diagnosis? I got the impression that the OP wants to stave off harsh/judgemental treatment of her child by informing them that her child might possbily have ADHD. OP, in the long run that won't work. It actually might backfire on you when the school informs you that they aren't equipped to deal with ADHD children.

You're not going get them to either pity your child or treat her better by educating them about ADHD.

[happytexas]

Originally Posted by Cecily

I can just imagine what it’s like when I’m not there…. I have never mentioned to them that she may have ADD, like her father, because I do not know for sure that she does. I’m afraid that if I go in there and offer tips on how to get her attention and a desired response from her, that they will assume we’re spoiling her; or if I mention that her behaviors may be caused by ADD, that I’m making excuses for our poor parenting. What should I do? I am willing to take any judgment from them so long as my daughter is no longer hurt by people responding to her with impatience and anger and subtle disgust. I guess I should explain to them about ADD, shouldn’t I?

1. If you don't need her in the nursery, then I wouldn't take her back to a place that isn't treating her well.

2. Get her an evaluation by an interdisciplinary team (such as a developmental-behavioral ped, speech-language pathologist, and psychologist).

3. l'd also consider getting her evaluated by the school district. She is entitled to services even if you homeschool (at least up to a certain age), but you may find that the right school, at least temporarily, would be to her benefit.

Overview of Child Find

The Child Find Mandate: What Does It Mean to You? - Wrightslaw
__________________________________________________ ______
ADHD and Sleep Disorders: Snoring, Sleep Apnea, Restless Leg ...

ADHD and Food Allergies - ADD ADHD Advances

ADHD and Food Allergies - Adhd in Child

Food Allergy Testing for ADHD and Autism

[ginniebean]

Originally Posted by Ms. Mango

Unless I'm mistaken, the OP's daughter does not have a diagnosis of any kind at this point. Is she neurologically impaired? Possibly, but neither the OP nor we are qualified to make that determination.

What is the purpose of making something up--which is what you're doing at this point without a formal diagnosis? I got the impression that the OP wants to stave off harsh/judgemental treatment of her child by informing them that her child might possbily have ADHD. OP, in the long run that won't work. It actually might backfire on you when the school informs you that they aren't equipped to deal with ADHD children.

You're not going get them to either pity your child or treat her better by educating them about ADHD.

I wasn't suggesting she make something up, I misread. That happens with add, but by all means come to the worst conclusion.

[Dizfriz]

Originally Posted by ccom5100

Studies have shown that sensitivity to these additives can cause or exacerbate adhd symptoms.

Ccom, you know better than that. There is no valid evidence that additives can cause ADHD. They can, as you say, exacerbate symptoms especially the hyperactive ones. Other than that you post was good and I will give you a thanks with a caution to the readers that there is no evidence for additives "causing" ADHD.

For Cecily, the percentage that additives affect is small but real. My son was one of those who reacted to yellow dye #5. It probably cannot hurt to look at this some particularly if your daughter seems to be more hyperactive after eating certain foods.

Another thing, it might be of help to look at the essays on my corner. They have been of help to some and probably the best tool for working with ADHD is knowledge of the disorder.

Also, your daughter is 3-1/2. You may have some difficulty getting an assessment for ADHD at this age but pediatricians have approved treatment for ADHD 4 year old kids.

Gook luck,

Dizfriz

[LynneC]

Originally Posted by Dizfriz

Another thing, it might be of help to look at the essays on my corner. They have been of help to some and probably the best tool for working with ADHD is knowledge of the disorder.

Here's the link:
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130.

[silivrentoliel]

Originally Posted by Dizfriz

My son was one of those who reacted to yellow dye #5.

There's a yellow dye that causes excessive hyperactivity as well?! I know with red dye #40 I can feel myself get hyper, and I can't control it- so I'm very careful when I buy things- but I will drink Code Red Mtn Dew on long road trips for that reason...

Really random, but did you know cream cheese cake icing has red dye 40 in it?! Was news to me.

[ginniebean]

Mrs. Mango, I was too quick in jumping to conclusions, my sincere apologies.