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Primary & Secondary Education This forum is for parents to discuss issues related to their children's education and AD/HD.

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  #1  
Old 11-16-04, 05:48 PM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Sick of the school system and its teaching methods.

They send Clam Jr. home with homework that is going to take hours of research either on the internet or in a library to accomplish, and he has no idea whatsoever how to do it properly, and couldn't give a rat's ***** whether it gets done at all in the first place. There is no way in all of God's green creation he is EVER going to do an assignment like this properly on his own.

We are left with the following options:

-Do it for him, so he learns nothing and is trained to coast on our power instead of his,
-Force him step by agonizing step to do it properly, which means world war IV all night long, a crappy result anyways, resentment on all sides, and him refusing to learn anything from the procedure,
-Let him skip it, so he learns nothing and is trained to coast.

When we discuss it with his teacher, she seems to believe it is our responsibility to cure him of how he responds to the situation.

Sure, we're his parents, he's only 11 years old, his teacher shouldn't be expected to solve this. We have a responsibility to see he grows past this bull. But they're setting him up for a ******* fall with assignments like these, and his self esteem will take constant beating every school year he goes through, he will never learn to appreciate learning or academics and he will hate us for trying to help him.

Pardon my French but F*** the ******* school system. If I could afford it, I'd homeschool him, but the school system that f***ed me up all my life has maneuvered me into poverty so I don't even have that option.

AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #2  
Old 11-16-04, 07:50 PM
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What exactly is the assignment? Could you give Clam Jr the responsibility for a portion of the assignment --the part that is most interesting to him or part that helps him learn the "key skill" that the assignment is supposed to be teaching him. And then you finish the assignment for him ...at least he'd be doing some of it.

Maybe you can tell Clam Jr how frustrated/annoyed with the assignment, tell him that you think it's unreasonable & unnecessary work for him ...let him know you're on his side. And then present tell him you'll work with him as a team to get it done. He does A & B, and you will do C & D. I dunno. Probably won't work. I am not a parent ...so I guess I should just say good luck.
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  #3  
Old 11-17-04, 02:10 AM
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Hey, I hear you Clam! The schools aren't any better here. I can only encourage you to work with him to get through the assignment by trying to make it interesting. I think, as his parent, you can also evaluate the assignment and set a goal that YOU think is reasonable and stop there.

We have been fighting, teaching, talking, arguing, pushing, guiding various teachers since my son started school. Some years are better than others, and some teachers are better than others. Part of what we try and teach him is how to survive the bad ones because it's also a part of life dealing with "icky" people, even as adults.

I would also consider going over this teachers head, if you have run into a dead end. You could consider taking it to the principal or school board. Another option would be to take it to the other parents. Do you have a represetative for the class?

I know how exhausting all this can be. We with ADD are struggling ourselves to get it all together and also need to deal with this s***, but try and remember that even in your struggles you are parenting by example. Talk honestly with your son about your frustrations, ideas, plans, for dealing with this. It let's 'em know that they aren't just a "problem" for you, but also a part of the solution.

If your son is like mine, it's extra hard, because he just doesn't want to "work" with us. ODD wreaks havoc with us in these situations. You have all my support and sympathy. Hang in there....don't let the turkeys get you down!

Hugs,

Kim
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Old 11-17-04, 02:23 AM
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Wait, wait, does Clam Jr. have an IEP or 504 plan? (Actually, forgive me for not being lazy and searching, but does he have ADHD/LDs?) If so, how does it fit in with this type of assignment? I have heard of IEP/504 plans that modify assignments like this for exactly the reasons you're stating.

With ADHD alone, I can see how hours of research in a library or on the internet could be difficult, especially if the topic is not all that interesting. If he has the right SPED documentation, you might be able to use that to whack the teacher over the head with.
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Old 11-19-04, 06:58 PM
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Clam, I can sooo relate. For years (before we knew what was going on with son) I would literally sit there at the table with him and tell him the answers cuz I just didn't have the patience or energy to fight him to get his homrwork done.

Exeter, what is the SPED documentation that you need? I have told sons teacher he has ADHD and could she please shorten his assignments and she does when it suits her. but that's it. He had a bookreport due about a month ago that's still not done cuz she wouldnt' work with us.
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Old 11-19-04, 07:07 PM
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I cannot even get my 9 Year to study a list of 10-12 words, without a HUGE fight, looking forward to the future.
When he does do it, he acts like he is terrified, panics, won't accept help, says he will fail and on and on and on.
Hoping grade 4 is better.
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Old 11-19-04, 07:32 PM
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When I was eleven, I had papers that required hours of study, and blah blah blah from time to time...but it was rare. The school system sucks, sure. But I hate seeing it being unfairly attacked. Learning to coast won't happen if he doesn't do it, but he will learn pretty quickly that action (or in this case, inaction) has consequences. As much as I hate saying it, the school system does suck, but chances are the teacher hasn't assigned anything above and beyond the capacities of a normal-functioning student, and if Clam Jr. isn't normal functioning, that needs to be taken into account, but the school system can't be held accountable for that...
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Old 11-19-04, 07:56 PM
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It is maybe not so much the school system's fault. All systems are flawed, it's the cookie cutter mentality.
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Old 11-20-04, 06:01 AM
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The teacher is being lazy or is ignorant of what ADD really is. Throughout public school I had good and bad teachers. The good ones encouraged me to do what I was interested in, the bad ones said I was stupid and lazy. You're probably stuck with your current teacher. In the district I was in parents did have some say in which class their children end up in. In the future I would go talk to the teachers and see if there are any you like or seem more willing to accomodate children with different needs. I would see if it is possible to see if you can get your child in a class where he can be better acomodated. Don't give up on public schools. There are some very good, dedicated teachers out there who love to see all children excel. There are others that aren't so good.

Libraries are usually big and intimidating if you don't know how to get around them. I know that was my original objection to learning to use them. One thing that killed me was doing papers and getting a stack of books on the topic. Who has time to read 6 books for a school paper. I didn't then and I don't now. Check out the periodical indexes for articles on whatever. Usually 1-10 pages and it sums it up pretty quickly. You can cut those 5 required source down to less than 20 pages of reading. You can get as technical as you like depending on which index you choose. For an 11 year old try to stay away from academic journals. A good rule of thumb I have found is if it has no advertisements in it you better be knowledgable in the field of you will be lost before the end of the abstract. For that matter if it has an abstract I would check for something written for a broader audience. You don't even need to go to the library to locate the articles anymore. It can be done online eliminating more than half the time spent at the library. Check out the libraries webpage.

The help desk is your friend. Usually there are people sitting there wishing someone would ask them for help. I never learned to use the library until there was something I wanted to find. Maybe next time clam jr is curious about something suggest he check it out at the library. Once clam jr knows what to do in the library there is a huge world of information open that most people don't even know about. Libraries are great for ADD, you get bored of one topic, well, there is still the rest of the world at your fingertips.

So much for a quick reply. Good luck. Just smack me if I go off topic.
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Old 11-20-04, 10:22 AM
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Dear Clam-

How are things with clamlette vs. educational establishment?

Enquiring minds want to know...
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Old 11-20-04, 10:49 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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She's very traditional, thinks he should buckle down and do the work gladly, takes it personally when he doesn't.
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Old 11-20-04, 10:59 AM
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I have been thinking about the Clam Clan...and wondering what ended up happening.
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Old 11-29-04, 12:44 AM
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ADD or ADHA are excuses in our school system. My eight year has every allergy named and some not named. Which also adds to ADHA. But when I try to explain to his teachers all they hear are excuses for him not to sit still and do his work. We have an IEP but the teacher feels he can do the work with extra help if he will learn to sit and pay attention. I fought with this school all last year and now I am changing him to get better understanding with his condition. BUTTT now my ten year old that has never had anything except the normal school problems is have big problems with behavioral. Her teacher wants her put on meds to see if she will stay still and not ask to many questions. What ever happened to running and playing a couple times a day to run off some of the pent up energy? We will always have a few kids that is overly hyper but if the school system still had recess for the primary grades a lot of the not sitting still problem would end.
A thirty minute PE and fifteen minute break at the end of the day is not what some kids need.I have no problem with meds. My eight year take shots and pills. But schools and some teachers would like to see all out spoken kids on meds. So their jobs would be easier. As y'all can see I am looking forward to my kids returning to school tomorrow. Home work headache already coming on. Well I will get off my soap box now. Everyone have a great night.
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