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  #1  
Old 05-22-12, 12:32 PM
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I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

I'm freaking out at the moment while at work because I completely blanked again today and forgot another minor detail but one that is soo obvious. And once again I look like a complete idiot!!!

I am terrified that I will be, once again, terminated!

All my life I wanted to be the go-getter, the star pupil, the star employee, the successful one that rises tot he tops of the ranks and despite all my best efforts: the reading, the checklists, the re-checking myself, the medications, the counseling, the task reminders, the Post-It notes, the to-d0 lists, I am still chronically forgetful, easily confused, misunderstand things, completely blank on things I know, miss details, lather, rinse repeat.

How will I ever be successful at any job whenI can't go one week without a mistake? I am just so angry and frustrated and near tears at this point because I just started Strattera and thought I was doing better but every week I can count at least 2-3 mistakes I have made. I am the lowest on the totem pole and the oldest (and most educated) in my group but I feel like I will never catch up because I can't make my brain work in the magically ways others can.

I just don't know what more to do. Can anyone relate?

I'm starting to wonder if this is a job/skill set mismatch or if I am completely incompetent. But I've been having these issues at nearly every job.

Also FYI I was diagnosed with ADD Inattentive type last year but have known I had it since high school (I'm 34).
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Old 05-22-12, 01:17 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

I am right there with you. Just recently diagnosed and on meds for the first time (at 31). I make TONS of mistakes at my job and it makes me feel so overwhelmed and incompetent.

I work with numbers, and mistakes are not a good thing. Good thing for me, they can always be fixed. I feel very embarrassed, but also assure my supervisor that I will fix it.

My performace has not been what it was in other positions, so it's possible that you are in the same situation. There might be another type of job that you will excel in.
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Old 05-22-12, 01:21 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

Thanks for your response. I am not sure exactly what the issue is. I jsut know I am NOT detail oriented and its a huge struggle to stay on top of every detail of every project. And I also have this memory issue. I've spoken to my primary car doc about it but she had no answers. In the past 5 years my short-term memory has gone to sh*t and I totally blank on things. And not even know it.

I'm also in an entry-level administrative job which makes me think if I can't hack this, can I ever move upward? How??
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Old 05-22-12, 02:26 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

Is your supervisor aware of your diagnosis? From what I've read, a lot of people say NOT to say anything. If you fear being fired, I would mention it. But, that's just one opinion from a very inexperienced, newly diagnosed person.

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, you can ask for job accomodations. You will need a letter from your doctor and your diagnosis must meet certain specifications. But, it might be worth it.

It's frustrating, yes. But, don't get too discouraged. You will have good days and bad days. Just think positively when you have good days, and realize that bad days won't last forever. And, don't compare yourself to other employees. That will never serve you well.
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Old 06-03-12, 07:35 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

I don't think that overall an administrative-type job is good for someone with ADHD who isn't good with details and stuff like that. I think that we are better with more broad, less detailed jobs. I have a college degree but know that there are so many low-level, only GED required jobs that I could never do well and fail miserably. I almost think that the higher-level and big picture-type jobs are better for us.

All of this is just my my opinion due to personal experience so I could be wrong painting all of us with a broad brush.
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Old 06-03-12, 09:05 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

I am sure many people here can relate, I am sure I would if I HAD a job but I can't seem to get along with people long enough to keep one! I haven't worked in over a year but believe me I make a hundred mistakes everyday with my kids and some would say that is the MOST important job and I can honestly say I am miserably failing.

I did want to say to make sure you are not getting caught up in the "I just want to be normal" thinking trap bc so many of us get so invested in "normalcy" when what we are actually aiming for is perfection because we don't really know what "normal" is and so we expect too much of ourselves and forget 2 important things:

1. We have ADHD so no matter what we do to treat and manage it we will continue to deal with struggles other people don't so we will never be normal when we compare ourselves to others. We need to strive instead for the best that WE can do as an individual.

2. We most certainly will never be perfect as in no one will ever not make any mistakes and since we have ADHD we will always probably make more mistakes than the greater population so it will save us a lot of suffering and misery if we simply accept our limitations.
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Old 07-02-12, 11:11 AM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

Well my fears were confirmed about a month ago when I forgot another major detail (which I remembered and sent a reminder to my boss about the day prior) and I was fired. Fired again for performance, as in, not stacking up to their standards.

And I have to come to grips with the fact that I have a MAJOR problem. The one med my insurance will cover won't help and I just don't yet know how to train my brain to function the way "normal" people's brains do.

I've been lucky to get a short-term temp job where I do nothing but look up contact info all day but I'm terrified for my future. Will I ever get this under control or will I end up falling further and further behind until I'm working retail jobs for $8 an hour???

For all my fricking ambition, drive, vision and organization, I continue to FAIL to meet expectations...to focus on EVERY detail...the remember EVERYTHING...to conprehend and understand EVERYTHING... and go above and beyond. I cannot remember the last time I had a good performance review and made a manager happy. I try and try and try and try and try and fail, fail, fail, fail, fail!

I feel completely and utterly mentally defective!

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Old 07-03-12, 07:23 AM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

Okay here's the deal. You have to work to your strengths.

There is no point flogging the dead horse. There are lots of things I struggle with but I try and do what I'm good at really well to make up for it.

I work in an admin role and I make mistakes all the time. Every time I send out an outlook invite I stuff it up. I either get the date wrong, the room wrong, the invitees wrong. There's always something.

I don't beat myself up about it or get upset. I just shrug my shoulders and then fix it ASAP.

I do the other parts of the job really well to make up for it. I do all their promotional stuff coz I'm wired that way and they're not. I'm good with reporting and stats and stuff like that. I'm also good at getting people to do stuff even if they don't want to. I do lots of stuff to increase the morale of the place and I'm politically neutral and don't get involved in anybody's fights.

So when I stuff something up it doesn't seem like a big deal. I don't make it a big deal. If I reacted and starting beating myself up about every little mistake I made then I reckon they'd notice them a lot more coz I'd be drawing attention to it.

This is my advice. Accept yourself the way you are - faults and all. Focus on your strengths. If you bugger something up then don't react negatively - just fix it quickly.

Show them who you are. Make them see that if they fire you it will be a big loss to them. Just be you and stop trying to be someone you're not. Nobody's perfect so why try to be.

I don't know how seriously you're going to take this.

I'm talking to you from the position of someone who beat themselves up for 11 years before finally accepting myself. I was stuck in the endless pursuit of trying and trying and running myself into the ground trying to live up to expectations that were unattainable. And once I stopped doing this I started getting along with people better. You are what you are. You need to develop your strengths so you can sell these to a prospective employer and then when you do get employed work to these strengths to make them see that they can't fire you coz you're indispensable.

If you can't accept yourself the way you are and forgive yourself for your shortcomings no-one else will.

You've got to believe in yourself. Until you do everything will be a struggle.
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Old 07-03-12, 09:32 AM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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Originally Posted by tudorose View Post
Okay here's the deal. You have to work to your strengths.

There is no point flogging the dead horse. There are lots of things I struggle with but I try and do what I'm good at really well to make up for it.

I work in an admin role and I make mistakes all the time. Every time I send out an outlook invite I stuff it up. I either get the date wrong, the room wrong, the invitees wrong. There's always something.

I don't beat myself up about it or get upset. I just shrug my shoulders and then fix it ASAP.

I do the other parts of the job really well to make up for it. I do all their promotional stuff coz I'm wired that way and they're not. I'm good with reporting and stats and stuff like that. I'm also good at getting people to do stuff even if they don't want to. I do lots of stuff to increase the morale of the place and I'm politically neutral and don't get involved in anybody's fights.

So when I stuff something up it doesn't seem like a big deal. I don't make it a big deal. If I reacted and starting beating myself up about every little mistake I made then I reckon they'd notice them a lot more coz I'd be drawing attention to it.

This is my advice. Accept yourself the way you are - faults and all. Focus on your strengths. If you bugger something up then don't react negatively - just fix it quickly.

Show them who you are. Make them see that if they fire you it will be a big loss to them. Just be you and stop trying to be someone you're not. Nobody's perfect so why try to be.

I don't know how seriously you're going to take this.

I'm talking to you from the position of someone who beat themselves up for 11 years before finally accepting myself. I was stuck in the endless pursuit of trying and trying and running myself into the ground trying to live up to expectations that were unattainable. And once I stopped doing this I started getting along with people better. You are what you are. You need to develop your strengths so you can sell these to a prospective employer and then when you do get employed work to these strengths to make them see that they can't fire you coz you're indispensable.

If you can't accept yourself the way you are and forgive yourself for your shortcomings no-one else will.

You've got to believe in yourself. Until you do everything will be a struggle.
I get what you're saying and I appreciate your post but I've believed in myself and my strengths which I continue to work on endlessly but that does not always translate into work success.

I go into every job head strong, with the mission to rock it. I try to do everything I can to be good at what I do, be attentive, be resourceful, smart and on top of all my tasks and despite my best efforts, I still fail.

I come home every night working on ways to improve my strong points, my knowledge, my writing, I"m learning new software, freelancing, reading industry info, etc. but that still has not parlayed into a long-lasting job or career.

I've been in counseling, tried meds, make lists all over the place, task reminders, bells going off on my phone and computer and despite believing in myself, I still got fired because I'd made one too many mistakes.

And I truthfully don't know how to prevent making these mistakes. The very same ones that my co-workers do not make. Yes, no one is perfect but other people are capable of working at jobs and NOT getting fired. That is my aim. I can accept my struggles and even embrace them but at the end of the job, I need to be able to hold a job and NOT get fired.

How to NOT get fired???? That is what I want to know.
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Old 07-03-12, 09:34 AM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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Originally Posted by finallyfound10 View Post
I don't think that overall an administrative-type job is good for someone with ADHD who isn't good with details and stuff like that. I think that we are better with more broad, less detailed jobs. I have a college degree but know that there are so many low-level, only GED required jobs that I could never do well and fail miserably. I almost think that the higher-level and big picture-type jobs are better for us.

All of this is just my my opinion due to personal experience so I could be wrong painting all of us with a broad brush.
I actualluy think this is a good point, its just getting to those higher-level, bigger-picture jobs that is the struggle.

I'm not sure how I can work up to management if I can't get past entry-level, which is where I am, 10 years out of college and with over 7 years exp on my belt.
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Old 07-03-12, 12:29 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

How about switching careers or jobs?
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Old 07-03-12, 02:52 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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How about switching careers or jobs?
Well considering I'm in between jobs, the changing part is a given.

The bigger challenge is that the things I struggle with; memory, details, focus, making minimal errors would apply in any field or any job. I think I need to learn to fix me not necessarily the job.
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Old 07-03-12, 04:00 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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. Will I ever get this under control or will I end up falling further and further behind until I'm working retail jobs for $8 an hour???

Well, I'm currently working what I guess amounts to a retail job for $8 an hour, and yet strangely the world has yet to come to an end. There is a very long drop between that and eating from dumpsters and sleeping in city parks.

It sounds like part of what is defeating you is your ideas of where you're supposed to be for your age and amount of experience. Sometimes you have to let go of all that and work with where you are and what you've got. It's probably very difficult to do, but you may just have to admit to yourself that you've been doing jobs that are beyond your ability at this time. If you've been putting THAT much effort and self-cheerleading into it and it still isn't working, you have to consider that possibility.

Have you ever had the experience of working at the kind of job you now consider "low-level" and just really excelling at it? If you could do that, that might give you the self-esteem boost you need. And just because it's a lower-level job, it doesn't mean that excelling at it is a lesser accomplishment. If you've ever watched undercover boss, you'll know that there are a lot of company presidents that really suck at doing some of the lowest level jobs in the companies they run.

Also, have you considered trying another medication out-of-pocket? As long as you have some income, this is always an option. You do not HAVE to be chained to what your insurance company is willing to authorize. Some medications are terribly expensive out of pocket, but some are not so bad. I pay a little over $90 out of pocket for Adderall IR. I haven't have prescription insurance for years, so I never even really think about it.
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Old 07-03-12, 04:06 PM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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Well, I'm currently working what I guess amounts to a retail job for $8 an hour, and yet strangely the world has yet to come to an end. There is a very long drop between that and eating from dumpsters and sleeping in city parks.

It sounds like part of what is defeating you is your ideas of where you're supposed to be for your age and amount of experience. Sometimes you have to let go of all that and work with where you are and what you've got. It's probably very difficult to do, but you may just have to admit to yourself that you've been doing jobs that are beyond your ability at this time. If you've been putting THAT much effort and self-cheerleading into it and it still isn't working, you have to consider that possibility.
I have been considering that very possibility which for someone as ambitious as I have been is very depressing.

Quote:
Have you ever had the experience of working at the kind of job you now consider "low-level" and just really excelling at it? If you could do that, that might give you the self-esteem boost you need. And just because it's a lower-level job, it doesn't mean that excelling at it is a lesser accomplishment. If you've ever watched undercover boss, you'll know that there are a lot of company presidents that really suck at doing some of the lowest level jobs in the companies they run.
I thought my last job was very low level and entry level and I sucked at it. I honestly can't remember the last time I was great at a job but I think cashiering may have been a task. I wish I could seriously consider those types of jobs but as the breadwinner with a mortgage and the hopes of starting a family very soon, its not feasible for the life I want.

And I'm not ready to give up my dreams of a family just yet.
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Old 07-04-12, 12:35 AM
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Re: I Suck At My Job!! Feeling Completely Incompetent!

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I still got fired because I'd made one too many mistakes.

And I truthfully don't know how to prevent making these mistakes. The very same ones that my co-workers do not make.
What kind of mistakes are you talking about. It it like writing numbers back to front or did you crash the bosses car or something else?
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