My Boyfriend is gone!

[tespdeb]

I'm New here, from the Netherlands, so my english might be a little bit poor....
Im really desperate!
I have a relationship with my boyfriend for a year now.

The beginning was really exciting, passionate en we were together all the time from te start. Becuase I allways stayed with me anyway, we started living together in my house after 8 months. Soon after the beginning I strated noticing dat there were a lot of strange things in his behaviour. Cemplete chaos, not being able to plan ahead, difficulties with appointments, talking a lot but not a good listener, strange sleeping behaviour, A big mess with his finances, doing hardly anything to help me in the house, making lots of plans without finishing anything, procrestination,

But life also was very special with him, never a dul moment, and I reaaly enjoyed being with him at times. At a certain moment I wondered why he wasn't chekcked fot AD(H)D ever. He started to read about it, doing some online tests en everything seemd to fit...He went to a psychiatrist fot a diangnosis.

He is the middle of the diagnosis right now, probably its indeed ADD. The last couple of months of out relationship he was reaaly busy with his work ( he is a gardener, always very busy in springtime) en thats's teh time troubles between us started. LAck of attention for me and my doughter, waking up at 5 AM, talking a lot, even more choas. His finances were out of control, he did'nt write any invoices anymore to his clients fot almost 5 months....so he did'nt have any mony and couln't pay his bills or support me in the cost of the house.In fact, at that time, I had to do EVERYTHING, working household etc.

We visitied a relationship-counselor a couple of times, (apart from the psychioatrist he was seeing) but the therapist could'nt understand what was going on and she suggested us to have a time-out for two weeks.We aggreed, but I had the feeling he felt rejected by me because of that. I left immediatly, the next day he picked up some clothes en he never came back anymore, leaving all his stuff here...he just ran away.

That's 6 weeks ago now. I speak to him only very lillte on the phone, but he doesn't sound reasonable, a liitle confused also. The only thing he expresses is ANGER towards me (it's all my fault) he does'nt know if he wants to continue our relationship, for the time being he wants some rest and distance, and maybe (only maybe) we can see if we can make a restart some day....The longer he's gone, the more distant he is and the less the contact we have.

In the meantime he has a terrible back problem, he is'nt able to work right now, he stays with friends because he does'nt have a house, no money, no relationship....He seems a little lost. However, when I speak t him on the rare occasions on the phone, he says everything is fine....I still love him deeply. Whith the knowledge I have now on ADD, I would try to make things work between us, but I really don't understand anything about the way he closed his doors towards me so suudenly....There seems no way to reach him.

What should I do?

[spunkysmum]

He needs help. His life is spinning out of control. The thing about just stopping sending invoices to his clients is a big clue to that. Whatever tenuous rein he might have had on the chaos control in his life seems to have broken. His problem may be more than ADHD at this point. He needs help of the professional kind. It's too bad that the therapist you saw didn't seem to have the necessary understanding to help you, because it seems like you had one chance to get help together and it was wasted on a dud of a therapist. By that I don't mean that you'll never have another chance, but just that it seems that he was willing to try it, but instead of being the opportunity it could have been it was instead the last straw for him when it didn't work out.