ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and Sexual Addiction

[jet_pack]

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum, but have been reading through some posts for the past couple of months. I've been struggling with sexual addiction issues. Mainly I obsess over women constantly. I can't see a pretty girl and think about anything else. It totally consumes me, and I do not have the abilty to refocus. I have issues with frotteurism, but not in the traditional sense. I don't "touch and run"... It's more with women I know, and the touching progresses, the longer I have interactions with them. While this is happening, I feel completely powerless and not in control. I become consumed by the thoughts and the anxiety that comes with them.

These SA issues have recently led to me cheating on my wife, as the frotteurism progressed with a coworker, and things were reciprocated. Since that time, we had been going to couples counseling, but I was not being given treatment directly for my issues. I began to feel hopeless that things wouldn't change and I would lose my family. I ended up overdosing on some household meds, and wound up in the ER. From there, I saw a psychiatrist (while in the behavioral health center), and they referred me to a local psych doc.

I feel VERY strongly (as does my wife) that aspects of these issues are related to undiagnosed ADD. I become addicted to things, easily, for "thrill-seeking" reasons. We feel there are some impulsivity aspects, along with not being able to get out of my head and refocus, that are playing into this.

I tried an adderral from a friend, with very positive effects...especially related to being able to focus on things other than sexual stuff.

I have the whole gamet of ADD issues, not related to the sexual stuff, like hyperactivity, constant boredom, inability to focus, never living up to intellectual potential. It took me 9 years to get my undergrad, when I had the highest test scores for content knowledge in my university's history.

I went to compulsive sexual behavior specialty clinic, and the phsychologist also feels I suffer from double depression. I do, however, feel that the constant low baseline is related to not recieving enough stimulation from regular life, because of ADHD.

My phsychiatrist agrees that I probably have ADHD, but does not seem very convinced that it is playing a role. Her main diagnosis is that the issues are anxiety and OCD related. I agree with her, that they are also big contributors, and feel they need to be treated, as well. Her theory was to control depression and anxiety issues first, before adding medications that could increase anxiety, like stimulants.

My main questions are about what you all feel I could bring up to her, when I see her tomorrow, about possible drug combinations, in the future. She currently has me on Fluoxetine, Hydroxyzine, and Trazadone, for depression and anxiety issues. I've been on them for a little over two months, with little relief in depression, anxiety, or the sexual stuff. She plans to add abilify, as she says it can help stop the intruding thoughts. The way she put it was "stop the hampster from running on the wheel". That does sound like it would be helpful, regarding the SA issues, but I don't know where that would put me for, future, adhd treatment?

She has said, that she would go with a stimulant, instead of wellbutrin or strattera. But for me, I feel like something that would help me constantly, without a let down, would be much more beneficial for the sexual stuff. It's not like I just have to get through a certain part of my day, and then not worry about it, because I want to control my SA all the time.

Would the combination of Prozac and Abilify be able to be used with a wellbutrin or strattera? If so, would that combination be able to be used with a stimulant, for times that focus and concentration were really needed? Especially since I'm wanting to go back for my Master's in the very near future, and don't want the same issues I had in my undergrad.

I apologize for the extremely lengthy post, and thank anyone who takes the time to read this and lend advice on possible medication combos I could discuss with my psychiatrist.

[T-Rex65]

I'm only speaking from my experience here...

I found that my anxiety and depression lessened when i began to treat the ADHD directly.

Was/Is the sexual contact always consensual? I hope so!

[jet_pack]

Thanks for taking the time to read all that. I found that, too, when trying a stimulant medication, that I felt a little less anxious/depressed. My psychiatrist insists, though, that stimulant will increase my anxiety.

As far as the contact goes, it usually starts out very minor, and progresses if a girl seems open to the contact.. so yes, in that sense. However, it is sometimes very difficult to control, in that regard.

[T-Rex65]

Your psychiatrist may have more experience with anxiety than with ADHD. If you don't get positive results after a couple of months doing it her way, you may want to insist on trying a stimulant instead.

I feel that i have to point out that just because a woman doesn't say "no", you can't assume that she is saying "yes". You may have violated quite a few boundaries without realizing it. You should address that. Seriously.

[jet_pack]

Originally Posted by T-Rex65

Your psychiatrist may have more experience with anxiety than with ADHD. If you don't get positive results after a couple of months doing it her way, you may want to insist on trying a stimulant instead.

I feel that i have to point out that just because a woman doesn't say "no", you can't assume that she is saying "yes". You may have violated quite a few boundaries without realizing it. You should address that. Seriously.

I know that, and I am addressing that. That is a lot of what my treatment is about. They feel that it's Anxiety/OCD related I go to therapy twice a week, and that is one of the big things we are addressing. I am quite aware of how wrong the things I do are, and am attempting to gain control of my behaviors. I personaaly feel it is also related to impulsivity and inattentive aspects of ADHD. I also feel that I do certain "thrill seeking" behaviors, due to ADHD. I've read a lot on the correlations with addiction, and hypersexuality, in relation to ADHD... but my psychiatrist says it's ******** and doesn't believe me. She is right that a lot of the behaviors are related to anxiety, and depression, but I feel the ADHD is a root problem for those issues, which is why I really want her to acknowledge that.

Today she added abilify to my prozac, but I'm sure she'd make me wait like three more months to make sure both have taken full effect before she'd even consider entertaining the ADHD idea. She's dead set that treating adhd would increase my anxiety, when my own personal experimentation has shown the opposite. She insists this was placebo effect.

[T-Rex65]

I have taken stimulants while on a combination of Prozac and Welbutrin without any ill effects. However, it seemed like I had to take more of the stims while on Prozac because Prozac (as well as the other SSRIs I've taken) seem to make me sleepier than I already am. If that isn't a problem for you, then it's worth a try. I can't speak to the Abilify part, because I've never taken it.

I wish you the best of luck in untangling all this. I'm relieved to know that you realize that this has affected people other than you and your wife. I hope I didn't trigger the anxiety by asking my question, but I felt honor bound to speak up for the women who may have appeared to be willing participants, but probably weren't. I've been in that position before, and it's frustrating to have to be the one to set and monitor my personal boundaries in situations when I felt I should have been able to relax and just enjoy the company of my friends.

[jiffyPOP]

Originally Posted by T-Rex65

...You may have violated quite a few boundaries without realizing it. You should address that. Seriously.

It is 100% obvious form the original post that jet_pack is aware of the problem, "realizes it", and is seeking professional help. Preaching morality along with a heavy guilt trip to the OP will not help anything. He was very open about his problem, which took a lot of courage. ADDers suffer from all manner of addiction, so lets try not to be so judgmental when the addiction is sexual related as opposed to chemical.

[ginniebean]

ADHD people can be kinky or not. The kink is not ADHD.. The I'm sure adhd can exacerbate such a condition.

[jiffyPOP]

Originally Posted by jet_pack

I've been struggling with sexual addiction issues. Mainly I obsess over women constantly. I can't see a pretty girl and think about anything else. It totally consumes me, and I do not have the abilty to refocus....

I feel VERY strongly (as does my wife) that aspects of these issues are related to undiagnosed ADD. I become addicted to things, easily, for "thrill-seeking" reasons. We feel there are some impulsivity aspects, along with not being able to get out of my head and refocus, that are playing into this.

I tried an adderral from a friend, with very positive effects...especially related to being able to focus on things other than sexual stuff.

I can tell you that ADHD medication (Dextroamphetamine) has totally changed my sex life and how I view sexuality, and also how I relate intimately with women. Prior to medication, I was always on the prowl for the next orgasm with the next woman. I guess you could call it "thrill seeking". As a single guy (middle aged) with means, I got laid a lot. I found that the older I got and remained single, the larger the pool of women I had access to. For example, at 25 years old, I only dated 20-28 year old women. But at 40, I dated 20-50 year old women, a marked increase in the range of women who found me attractive! Pre medicated, I needed the dopamine rush I got from orgasmic sex. Only sex leading to orgasm would satisfy me and I needed it as often as possible because my ADHD related dopamine deficiency.

So what happens after orgasm?

there are many neurochemical changes that occur in the brain after orgasm. androgen receptors decline, oxytocin declines, and less sensitivity to dopamine (already a problem with ADHDers!).

In my case, this would make me seek more sex leading to orgasm, keeping the cycle alive.

Well, since medication, everything is different. For example, I enjoy food now. Food was always very bland to me and no amount of tasty sweet, salty or delicious food ever gave me great dopamine rush. Now that I am medicated, I can taste food and it is enjoyable!

Sex has changed in a similar manner. I now enjoy intimacy with my partner and I could care less if I orgasm or not. This is not due to sexual dysfunction. On the contrary! The dextroamphetamine has balanced out my dopamine deficiency, so I am no longer out prowling only to seek orgasm and the dopamine high. Instead, I can just relax and enjoy intimate moments and I am confident it is a better experience for both parties involved .

Good luck with your issues. Follow that link I gave you and you might just find that "reuniting" with your wife will solve much of our problems.

[T-Rex65]

Originally Posted by jiffyPOP

It is 100% obvious form the original post that jet_pack is aware of the problem, "realizes it", and is seeking professional help. Preaching morality along with a heavy guilt trip to the OP will not help anything. He was very open about his problem, which took a lot of courage. ADDers suffer from all manner of addiction, so lets try not to be so judgmental when the addiction is sexual related as opposed to chemical.

I'm not preaching morality. There is absolutely nothing morally wrong with what he has been doing, as long as everyone consents to what is happening. I was afraid that he was so focused on controlling his own anxiety and actions that he may have lost sight of what he may be doing to the people that he thinks of as friends. Now that he has acknowledged that to me, I felt comfortable continuing the conversation and addressing his questions regarding medication. I believe jet_pack and I are OK with each other. (If we are *not* ok, jet_pack, please let me know.)

[T-Rex65]

Jet_pack, I have one more suggestion to make. After you get a handle on the ADHD and the anxiety, and you get your marriage issues worked out, you may find that you still have the urges that you had before. (But in a more manageable form.) If that is the case, there are communities out there that can provide you with a safe, respectful outlet for your desires. If you decide that you wish to investigate this, feel free to contact me and I'll try to point you in the right direction.

Again, I wish you the best.

[TheChemicals]

Paraphillia. Welcome to my world.

[kilted_scotsman]

The thing that strikes me is the "out of control" thing you mention with touch.

I have this too and have been working with it for a while. for many years it caused me to avoid touch and even now it is difficult for me. . Once touch happens logical brain flies into the sunset leaving animal brain to rule the roost.

The avoidance/deflection of touch has done as much psychological damage as the out of control aspects.

Getting "in control" is not easy. i am not medicated and am using a combination of therapy, dance and Tantra to explore just what happens to me when i get into the "touch zone" so that I can work out coping strategies and also be able to enjoy the feelings and remain within boundaries.

how the various drugs interact .... ye gods it seems like a cocktail you're taking.

kilted

[jet_pack]

Originally Posted by jiffyPOP

I can tell you that ADHD medication (Dextroamphetamine) has totally changed my sex life and how I view sexuality, and also how I relate intimately with women. Prior to medication, I was always on the prowl for the next orgasm with the next woman. I guess you could call it "thrill seeking". As a single guy (middle aged) with means, I got laid a lot. I found that the older I got and remained single, the larger the pool of women I had access to. For example, at 25 years old, I only dated 20-28 year old women. But at 40, I dated 20-50 year old women, a marked increase in the range of women who found me attractive! Pre medicated, I needed the dopamine rush I got from orgasmic sex. Only sex leading to orgasm would satisfy me and I needed it as often as possible because my ADHD related dopamine deficiency.

So what happens after orgasm?

there are many neurochemical changes that occur in the brain after orgasm. androgen receptors decline, oxytocin declines, and less sensitivity to dopamine (already a problem with ADHDers!).

In my case, this would make me seek more sex leading to orgasm, keeping the cycle alive.

Well, since medication, everything is different. For example, I enjoy food now. Food was always very bland to me and no amount of tasty sweet, salty or delicious food ever gave me great dopamine rush. Now that I am medicated, I can taste food and it is enjoyable!

Sex has changed in a similar manner. I now enjoy intimacy with my partner and I could care less if I orgasm or not. This is not due to sexual dysfunction. On the contrary! The dextroamphetamine has balanced out my dopamine deficiency, so I am no longer out prowling only to seek orgasm and the dopamine high. Instead, I can just relax and enjoy intimate moments and I am confident it is a better experience for both parties involved .

Good luck with your issues. Follow that link I gave you and you might just find that "reuniting" with your wife will solve much of our problems.

The changes you describe sound fantastic! Thank you very much for the info and encouragement!

Originally Posted by T-Rex65

I'm not preaching morality. There is absolutely nothing morally wrong with what he has been doing, as long as everyone consents to what is happening. I was afraid that he was so focused on controlling his own anxiety and actions that he may have lost sight of what he may be doing to the people that he thinks of as friends. Now that he has acknowledged that to me, I felt comfortable continuing the conversation and addressing his questions regarding medication. I believe jet_pack and I are OK with each other. (If we are *not* ok, jet_pack, please let me know.)

I understood where you're coming from and have no hard feelings. I, of course, felt anxiety at that being brought up, but am logical enough to understand the reasoning.

Originally Posted by TheChemicals

Paraphillia. Welcome to my world.

I can't seem to convince anyone that this can posiibly be ADHD related. My Psychiatrist and Phsychologist don't believe that there is a correlation.

Originally Posted by kilted_scotsman

The thing that strikes me is the "out of control" thing you mention with touch.

I have this too and have been working with it for a while. for many years it caused me to avoid touch and even now it is difficult for me. . Once touch happens logical brain flies into the sunset leaving animal brain to rule the roost.

The avoidance/deflection of touch has done as much psychological damage as the out of control aspects.

Getting "in control" is not easy. i am not medicated and am using a combination of therapy, dance and Tantra to explore just what happens to me when i get into the "touch zone" so that I can work out coping strategies and also be able to enjoy the feelings and remain within boundaries.

how the various drugs interact .... ye gods it seems like a cocktail you're taking.

kilted

I am going through therapy, as well, but finding coping skills that work "in the moment" of interaction seem to be difficult to find. There are pre planning aspects that go into it, but once in the moment, I still feel completely out of control.

I'm not on ADHD meds at the moment, but am almost positive they would help me at least feel enough control to be able to make the therapy work.

[T-Rex65]

I'm glad we are OK. And I'm glad you are back. I was a little bit worried that I had scared you away.

I have some thoughts on the ADHD / sex addiction connection, which I'll try to put into words later today.