What do you do when you feel like jumping off a bridge?

[Loonette]

My life is frequently full of high stress and frustration. Dealing with my 4-year-old is one huge and ongoing issue.

I sometimes get this feeling of "I WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE", but really that's not what I want. I want the problems to resolve. I want life to get better. But, man, in the meantime, seeing no solutions immediately in front of me, it can be so hard.

Do you ever get that feeling, even fleetingly? And if so, how do you deal with it? What do you do to seek out calmness?

[spunkysmum]

Going for a drive helps me calm down.

[CheekyMonkey]

I post on forums.


Or delve into one of my hobbies. Or watch a movie. Or buy myself a small treat that I usually wouldn't get.

[Slo-mo a-go-go]

I don't have any tips, just best wishes & encouragement in the challenges of parenting a 4-yr-old.

[Drewbacca]

To get rid of work stress, I used to find a golf driving range and order three large buckets of balls. By the time I was done, my arms hurt but I was in a much better mood. That's for anger management though.

For depression, I just try to get out into nature and away from the other crap. Drinking a lot of coffee usually helps too.

[fracturedstory]

Oops, I thought this was 'when you feel the impulse to jump off a bridge.' And I sure wasn't going to mention something about standing way back when it's a 2000 metre drop. No sir.

Teachers had to stop me jumping from the very top of the school building stairs when I was as young as five.

Anyway, carry on with the original point of this thread.

[keliza]

Well, for one, step away from the bridge.

I mean that both literally and metaphorically. If you have things in your life that you believe are negative coping mechanisms - drinking, drugs, avoidance behaviors, getting into conflicts with close loved ones, anything you see yourself doing that is a negative behavior born from your frustrating/depressing situation - step away from those things. Stop using mind-altering substances to try and escape the feelings. Stop avoiding the issues. Take a deep breath and tell your loved ones that you need to end the conversation before you say something cruel out of frustration that you don't mean. Ask your mom to keep the 4-year-old for a long weekend, if she can, a sort of fun "sleep away at grandma's house for the weekend!" trip for your child that will give you a few days of rest and relaxation. Step away from your bridges.

I would also encourage you to take inventory of all the things in your life that are currently causing you stress. You named parenting your child as one of them. Is he/she a high needs child, or a typical 4 year old who just happens to frustrate you in a particularly intense way? Are there other things in your life causing you stress right now? What are they, and why are they stressing you? What can you do to address each of those individual situations?

I once found myself so frustrated that I just snapped, and literally began throwing the contents of my kitchen across the house. I put 2 holes in my walls and broke a significant number of pots, pans, and flatware. That was completely out of character for me, and so shocking to all those around me that everyone immediately knew that something was severely wrong. When I sat down with my therapist and took inventory of my life, I realized that there were a lot of small (and large) stressors that had just built up to a tipping point. When she first asked me why I destroyed part of my house, I responded with, "I don't know." Once we were done taking inventory, I realized that I knew why, it was just so many small things that I didn't notice them piling up until it hit that breaking point.

Once you've figured out what your major (and minor) stressors are and how you're going to address them, make sure you also find time to engage in activities that you enjoy, every day. Even if you only take 15 minutes to yourself to dance to some of your favorite music, or go take a walk by yourself, or take a nice, long, hot shower without any interruptions... find something you really enjoy, something that makes you feel good, and do it every day.

For me personally, I seek out solitude and physical exercise. I go out to a racquet ball court and hit tennis balls against the wall for an hour, as hard as I can. I don't care if the shots are pretty or in form, I'm not trying to play good tennis, I'm just out there to hit things as hard as I can and sweat it out. I get the endorphin rush from the athletic activity, and it also lets me leave all of my stressful thoughts out on the tennis court. I don't have to take them home with me, I can just leave them there and come back to my life again. I also sometimes get up early in the morning and go out to the pool before anyone else is there, and swim laps for an hour. I get to leave all of my thoughts in the pool, and step out feeling sore, refreshed, and invigorated.

You need to find your "thing" and do it often. For some people, it's exercise. For others, it's meditation. For some, it's just playing loud music and dancing it out. Maybe it's all of the above, or some combination of things. Find what works best for you, and dedicate time to yourself to do those things every day. I think if you do that, plus figuring out what all of your stressors are and how to make them less stressful, you will begin to feel a lot better.

[alan1]

A meditation class I took last year has helped a great deal - when I find the time and remember to do it.

[Loonette]

Keliza, my "thing" is music and internet. I am bound to the computer of necessity to earn a living. I am grateful that I can do my work from home, so at least I am here for my kids, but that does slow down my productivity and I'm never reeeeeally here for anyone or anything. If it weren't for Youtube and iTunes, message boards and email, I don't know if I'd have made it this far.

No mind-altering substances in my life, other than the occasional cup of coffee with stevia and soy milk.

I dearly wish Gramma lived close enough to take my 4-year-old for a weekend. She's a half day's drive away and I see her maybe once every year or two. For that matter, I don't know anyone who can take him for a weekend, or even a few hours. The few friends I have in this community are very busy in their own lives.

(Oh, but something new that is happening: we got on with the local Parent Relief program, where a lady will be taking the kids for four hours on Mondays, giving me a bit of a head start to my work week. We had our first day of it this past Monday and it was truly wonderful. I got my work done in record time and even got to take my littlest three kids for a walk - something we'd not gotten to do in MONTHS because of all my busyness. So, maybe that will help once it happens more often. This past week was extra crazy, though, coz Tuesday I had to take 4-yr-old son for the final leg of his assessment to find out what's wrong with him, in a city 2-1/2 hours away, so that set me behind on work... and a few other extra things that weren't as big, but they all add up).

Even my older kids hate babysitting their little 4-year-old brother, as he's such a challenge.

And yes, my 4-year-old son is very high needs. Here's a bit of info about him: this other thread.

Physical exercise does help me. I know that is part of why I am suffering so much lately, as I've not been able to do my workouts. My husband's work is sporadic and usually graveyard shift, so when he does have work, he's sleeping all day, and I'm basically a single parent, squeezing my paid work in around parenting, cooking, and house work, dropping into bed dead tired at midnight or beyond, and starting all over again by 7-something.

If I can get back into my workout routine, I think I will feel stronger and better able to cope with life. I'm taking St. John's Wort right now, too, which I'm hoping will help. I've had a lot of extra things on my plate in the past few months, with one of my daughters graduating, mortgage stuff going on, extra expenses for household and vehicle repairs, etc etc etc, one thing after another wearing me down to where I didn't bounce back this time.

All the rain and cloudiness we've been having sure hasn't helped, either. I try to remember to take vitamin D and should do that more.

I very much enjoyed reading your inspiring message. Thank you, and I will surely refer back to it, as well as to the replies from others in this thread. Thank you all.

[ADHDTigger]

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

The big sh*t isn't what drives our thinking to bridges. Instead it's the little sh*t that does us in. Not fair at all but truth nonetheless.

Don't for a moment think that I have ever successfully implemented this thing that I know... but I know that it is essential that you have some space for you. What I hear is that you aren't getting that.

Managing your collection of stressors is what ADHDers do best... to a point. Up to that point we are FABULOUS. Past it we are over burdened, over worked and over stressed. Not a helpful set of circumstances and- pushed too far- inevitably leads to fantasies about bridges.

The good news? The bridge is a fantasy and not evidence that you have irrevocably lost your mind. You're tired. Your structure is one of racing from task to task and neglecting YOU.

Set aside an hour in every single day that you only deal with YOU. Hubby can step up his game and take on the kids. You need that minuscule time to regenerate.

(((hugs))) hon.

[CheekyMonkey]

I had a feeling like that today.


I had a bit o' a meltdown. Then I locked myself in the bathroom (mainly so I couldn't break anything or yell at anyone) and took deep breaths until I could control myself some more.


Embarrassing? I guess so. Oh well. I don't know how to avoid it.

[spunkysmum]

Originally Posted by CheekyMonkey

I had a feeling like that today.


I had a bit o' a meltdown. Then I locked myself in the bathroom (mainly so I couldn't break anything or yell at anyone) and took deep breaths until I could control myself some more.


Embarrassing? I guess so. Oh well. I don't know how to avoid it.

You shouldn't be embarrassed. What you do in the bathroom is just between you and the shower curtain, after all.

[ADHDTigger]

Originally Posted by spunkysmum

You shouldn't be embarrassed. What you do in the bathroom is just between you and the shower curtain, after all.

DANGED RIGHT!!!


Even though I violate this constantly, I KNOW with certainty that we MUST have some space to breathe, cry, and swear. I know what happens when we don't get that space.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by spunkysmum

You shouldn't be embarrassed. What you do in the bathroom is just between you and the shower curtain, after all.

Truth.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by ADHDTigger

DANGED RIGHT!!!


Even though I violate this constantly, I KNOW with certainty that we MUST have some space to breathe, cry, and swear. I know what happens when we don't get that space.

We go even crazier.