ADHD i hate u for ruining my life

[IFONLY]

Hello every one this is my 1st post although i've been a reader for a long time probably 2 years but seems like yesterday to me .
i never thought of posting on here until tonight , tonight is my 1st wedding anniversary to the woman i love like u'll never believe.

im hurt and its really painfull when u know that ur very best effort and ur very best hard work is nothing compaired to a non adhd person.

for most of my life i knew that something wasn't right with me , as a child i was called the dare devil for my hyperactivity and unwillingness to settle down no matter what the prize or the punishment was going to be but no one thought of getting me checked for adhd as i come from a country where ashd is considered as fraud and lazyness etc...

most of my primary school years were brillliant and i still have the yearly results to prove it although i was crap at maths from day one and most of my school records had remarks from teachers saying that i could do better if i focus more and stop playing in the classroom and one of my maths teachers in the P7 said to my mum that im far so clever than what i come across but i cant focus and im so hyper.

so needless to say i left school at 16 went for an appreticeship that didnt last a week coz i was soooo bored and my mind kept playing me untill i left and i had 3 more apprenticeships in 3 different places and still left them all which made my dad angry and i got put out to live at my grans and my life went down hill from then jobs on and off never warmed my seat in any job and the most job that i was able to keep for almost 6 months was a security guard in a night club ( bouncer) and only reason for that is that being on a door u see new faces and hot women and u smoke freely etc but that comes with a price , night clubs r only open in the weekends so i've only got 16h work a week wich led to me not being able to afford to buy a good anniversary present for my wife and today is her sisters anniversary as they r twins and they got married a day before us and her sister came in today showing her the new diamaond ring her husband got her and i seen the look on my wifes face although she never said a thing to me but i know how she felt at that moment.

im not on any add medication because i had a heart condition few years ago and my jp is not willing to risk giving me ritalin or any other stimulants for another 18 months.

[CheekyMonkey]

It is frustrating to know there is treatment that you cannot have.

Focus on your good, and make a plan to make the bad stuff better.

The good: You are married and have a wife that loves you. You have A job at least.Better than no job.

Make it better: Where do you want to be in 3 months? In 6 months? In a year? Write out some goals and several things you can do to get them accomplished. It can be overwhelming, but sometimes writing it down and coming up with a plan give you the confidence to follow through.