Living in the moment

[Fuzzy12]

Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe it's related to depression but I can imagine that it might be a common problem with ADHDers.

I can't think of the future, not in a constructive way. I can fantasize about the future for hours, but I can't plan for it or even think about it in realistic terms.

I'm just kind of trying to make it through each day. I've got no plan, no clue what I want to do with my life. There are things that I want and I know what I need to do to achieve them but I can't get myself to do anything productive. Maybe, it's because in the end I feel everything is futile. Or maybe I'm spending so much time on my dream world that I don't have any time left for the real world.

I'm lucky because my husband is the exact opposite of me. He keep planning, organising, thinking about the future and trying to give us a better life in every way. I'm not. I'm just floating, ruining my health (both physical and mental), my marriage and all other relationships, my chances at work, etc.

The present seems difficult enough to deal with. How on earth do people work for the future?

[darksora145]

I feel the same way and I'm 21 I have ADHD and I'm in the same situation as u are and I hope I can get some answers or advice aswell

[CheekyMonkey]

When you are swimming through it all, it is hard to catch your breath and think of a time when you won't be battling the threat of drowning in it all.

Maybe setting a goal for the month would help? Something small and not too difficult to obtain? Sometimes we just need help regaining confidence that we can accomplish something and that our efforts make a difference.

:hug:

[MentalNomad]

I thought this thread was going to be about something else.

I can fantasize about the future as well, but I also lack any ability to plan out my life, while wading through the complex details. I'm also very short-sighted. I'm attending college now and...that's as far as my brain goes, I have no coherent grasp as far as my desires for the future are concerned (as in, what they are), and even upon thinking about a fleeting goal, I can't effectively plan for it.

[plank80]

I have no goals or plans for the future either Im incapable of it. I just live day to day, always have. I dont have a good concept of who I am or what I want and that doesnt help. How can you when your interests and viewpoint constantly changes.

[spunkysmum]

I can relate. I believe in the future as a place where anything can and may happen, and as a time when the things I want to have achieved and don't yet, can absolutely still come to pass. There's just a disconnect between dreaming it and doing it. I guess the best way to sum up what's wrong is that even though I'm optimistic about the future, the problem is in seeing TODAY as when the future begins. Instead, I always think of the future as starting TOMORROW. So changes don't get made or started. Tomorrow is like a catch-all bin where stuff gets tossed, and then never actually sorted through.

It's disconcerting to have a mind that can lose sight of even your most basic, important, heartfelt goals. Conventional motivational wisdom says that if you don't have something it's because you don't want it bad enough, but that doesn't altogether apply. If you have ADHD, something can be incredibly important to you and yet there can still be times when it slips your mind just how important. Where you want to be in the future is one of those things.

Part of my problem, too, is when I catch a fleeting sight of something I want for my future, it comes in the form of an overwhelming feeling, hard to break down into words never mind steps to achieving it.

[DarkShadow]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy12

Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe it's related to depression but I can imagine that it might be a common problem with ADHDers.

I can't think of the future, not in a constructive way. I can fantasize about the future for hours, but I can't plan for it or even think about it in realistic terms.

I'm just kind of trying to make it through each day. I've got no plan, no clue what I want to do with my life. There are things that I want and I know what I need to do to achieve them but I can't get myself to do anything productive. Maybe, it's because in the end I feel everything is futile. Or maybe I'm spending so much time on my dream world that I don't have any time left for the real world.

I'm lucky because my husband is the exact opposite of me. He keep planning, organising, thinking about the future and trying to give us a better life in every way. I'm not. I'm just floating, ruining my health (both physical and mental), my marriage and all other relationships, my chances at work, etc.

The present seems difficult enough to deal with. How on earth do people work for the future?

I can relate to the feelings of low motivation and not being productive because everything seems futile. However, I have the opposite problem with living in the moment. I don't.

I'm constantly worried about what's coming. Whether it is responsibilities I'm dropping the ball on, something coming up at work, bills, my future, etc., I am continually worrying. When I'm not preoccupied with the future, I'm living in my past. My therapist feels that a big part of my problem comes from not living and enjoying the here and now.

I too have depression and ADHD. I also have GAD, so that may make things different for me. I'm constantly anxious.

[DarkShadow]

Originally Posted by MentalNomad

I thought this thread was going to be about something else.

I can fantasize about the future as well, but I also lack any ability to plan out my life, while wading through the complex details. I'm also very short-sighted. I'm attending college now and...that's as far as my brain goes, I have no coherent grasp as far as my desires for the future are concerned (as in, what they are), and even upon thinking about a fleeting goal, I can't effectively plan for it.

See, I can relate to this. This is especially true when I have a project or paper coming up. I can try to sit down and plan it out, but I have a difficult time coming up with anything. However, when it is right on top of me, then it is like my brain unlocks and ideas flow. That's why I do my best work under pressure.

This is called Time Blindness. Dr. Barkley talks about it. I've posted a link for reference.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93509

[-nyr0c-]

Hmm, it seems I'm going through a similar "future" crisis myself, Fuzzy.

I have soooooo many ideas as to what I could do with my life. Hell, I could be an author, a music teacher or English teacher (maybe even an English teacher abroad,) a musician for an orchestra, or something cool like that. But how do I get there if I'm too reluctant to pick a major in college? My fear of the future is preventing me from preparing for it. What if I happen to pick a major, and then I hate it and change? Worse, what if I pick a major, follow through with school, and then can't find a decent job or end up in a job I hate? Let's say I become a teacher, but I really regret not taking a career in music. My mom says "You could do music in your spare time, or maybe perform in an orchestra during the summer." But does she really understand how much commitment that would take on my part? A lot. I feel like I need to focus on one thing, but I can't when there is so many choices.

The uncertainty about what could happen is preventing me from preparing for what will probably happen.

Same with putting together a report or essay for a class, but there's a little less fear involved there. The overwhelming amount of choices is what kills me there the most. What topic should I pick? How should I write my thesis statement? Should I use a hook? Are these good sources to be using?

All that thinking prevents me from doing.

There have been times where I have wanted to sacrifice all of my thoughts, some of them brilliant, for being sure and satisfied with my choices.

If I could just focus on one thing, and give everything else up, I think I'd be sucessful. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Plus, it isn't helping when I set myself up for failure before anything has actually happened.

[fracturedstory]

I always picture the future. I don't know if it's an anxiety thing but people with autism/AS usually do this too. It's just like you can see the future unfold like a movie. Anyway, that's what I do. Usually it's a worse possible scenerio but sometimes it can be a more positive result. It offers me comfort.

[Conman]

ive planned my future primarily after college and medschool, and 95% is realistic and can happen provided i make the effort to get it done, like married with lots of kids, maybe married to a nurse, nice house, etc.

[salleh]

SInce the time of learning that pencil applied to paper meant I could draw a picture......I wanted to be an artist ......then I hit about 20 or so, and realized how few people actually make a living at it ...and I went through a long depression about that ....about a year ....

I figured out that I didn't choose art ....it chose me, so I thought .....welll better get to it ...and spent the next more than ten years learning photography, got a degree, ( passed with honors) ....and started making baby steps towards making a living at it ....shot some weddings .....a few albums and publicity shots.....and I thought I was on my way .....


....and I was good ......very very good ...and had a big network of musicians in the bay area ......


....couldn't quite make my whole living at it ...ny dad paid my rent and took care of my vehicles....gas and tires ......I paid for all the rest ......including my photography supplies......the cost of film added up in those days .....



...then he died, and had no insurance .....a doctor without life insurance......and I tried for a year to come up with a plan get backing, went to my family and his best friend ...an attorney .....everyone said no .....which surpised me cause they said oh yes it's a good plan .....just can't spare the money .....not true ...these people had, and still do, MONEY ...big money .....and I ask to borrow a relatively small amount ....even had a plan for paying it back ......


....To say it ruined my life ....would be an understatement of enormous magnitude.....if I think about it, I am still very bitter.....and it happened 30 years ago.....


...To have everything you work for and dream for and come as close as I did .....and then fail .....is the worst possible feeling in the world ...and it never goes away ...it's fully as bad as a death in your family or of a beloved friend .....



...So I have never found a dream to replace it .....oh I found other things to do , and things I quite like doing ....got married, got divorced ....opened an antique shop ( I do liove antiques) ....closed that shop .....lots of things have happened since that fateful time ......



....but I have learned it doesn't matter what you plan ...life has a nasty way of twisting your life around until you barely recogize it .....I don't feel safe anymore .....and I probably never will again ......and I can't see the future ....no idea what might happen ....cause you never know ......


...I just do my best to create beauty, and not fall off the edge again .......