Don't Want to Do This Anymore

[Lunacie]

Got up at the regular time this morning and was sitting in the bathroom when I heard someone walk up the ramp into the porch and try the front door. I went to look out and saw my 10 year old autistic granddaughter walking off down the street.

Grabbed a kaftan and went to grab my car keys - gone! Woke up my daughter to tell her and get her car keys and went driving all around the neighborhood. My daughter got dressed and started off on foot.

When I got home they were sitting in my car and my daughter told me my steering wheel and ignition were locked. She was in a neighbor's gated yard when her mom found her.

So now my car is f**ked up and I don't know what's wrong or what it will cost to fix it.

She's refusing to take her morning pills or get dressed for camp, but she insists she's going to camp. Which is fine since I won't have any way to pick her up after camp this afternoon.

Her mom has been depressed and so tired of it all, she's been feeling like she just doesn't want to do this anymore. So that's how I feel today. Someone please make it stop.

[Dizfriz]

Raising a handicapped child can be rough. I know I have been there with two kids.

Keep on plugging, you will get there although sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Dizfriz

[Fortune]

Originally Posted by Dizfriz

Raising a handicapped child can be rough. I know I have been there with two kids.

Keep on plugging, you will get there although sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

Dizfriz

Raising any child can be rough.

[excel]

That happens sometimes. It has happened to me but I have always gotten unlocked.

[Fortune]

Sympathies, Lunacie. I hope you can get your car fixed.

[Dizfriz]

Originally Posted by Fortune

Raising any child can be rough.

All too true but some can be rougher than others. I never saw a baby come out with an owner's manual much less the extended edition for a child with disabilities.

Dizfriz

[Fortune]

Originally Posted by Dizfriz

All too true but some can be rougher than others. I never saw a baby come out with an owner's manual much less the extended edition for a child with disabilities.

Right, and I've seen some really rough children who aren't apparently disabled at all, unless being a jerk is a disability.

I don't know, I just get uncomfortable with parenting disabled children being presented as an exceptional task as compared to parenting in general. That has scope that really doesn't belong in this thread, and I shouldn't try to die on any hills here.

Mostly, I hope that that everything Lunacie posted about passes and things calm down soon.

[Lunacie]

The good news - Nove's daddy changed jobs recently so he's not out on a
highway somewhere hundreds of miles away. He can pick her up at the bus
stop after camp this afternoon. Otherwise she would have had to say home
from camp (special needs camp) and given my current mood and her current
mood, it would have been a really rough day.

I asked her if she had taken driver's ed yet, and told her that even though
her big sister has finished driver's ed, she doesn't get to drive the car all
by herself, so there's No Way Nove should be trying to drive a car all alone.

I guess it's good news that she couldn't get it started - maybe she tried
using the wrong key and triggered some anti-theft device. More likely she
jammed the ignition and I'll have to replace it - but the cost ... !


Raising a "normal" child I know that it wasn't all peaches and cream. But
even my 14 year old granddaughter with ADHD hasn't been anywhere as
difficult as the 10 year old with Autism. I know that not all Autistic kids are
as difficult, but it's really not reassuring to be told that any child can be
tough to raise. All I can say is that I'm so thankful to have the help of the
therapist and case managers at our local mental health center. Without
that help and support ...
I have to stop and just cry for awhile.

[tudorose]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

Got up at the regular time this morning and was sitting in the bathroom when I heard someone walk up the ramp into the porch and try the front door. I went to look out and saw my 10 year old autistic granddaughter walking off down the street.

Grabbed a kaftan and went to grab my car keys - gone! Woke up my daughter to tell her and get her car keys and went driving all around the neighborhood. My daughter got dressed and started off on foot.

When I got home they were sitting in my car and my daughter told me my steering wheel and ignition were locked. She was in a neighbor's gated yard when her mom found her.

So now my car is f**ked up and I don't know what's wrong or what it will cost to fix it.

She's refusing to take her morning pills or get dressed for camp, but she insists she's going to camp. Which is fine since I won't have any way to pick her up after camp this afternoon.

Her mom has been depressed and so tired of it all, she's been feeling like she just doesn't want to do this anymore. So that's how I feel today. Someone please make it stop.

(((((hugs)))))

I understand. It's just sooooo hard and you can't talk to anyone coz they have no idea and they just say everything's 'normal' so you end up feeling even more isolated.

You are a wonderful person for helping your daughter. Me and DH had to raise our autistic son on our own with no support. It's not something I'd ever want to re-live.

I wrote this when my son was 10
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4488

It's been a hard road. I've put everything into raising him the right way. It's taken a huge toll on me and my husband and our daughter. I'm 37 but I feel so old.

He's now 18, has moved out of home, has his licence and has nearly finished his apprenticeship. If someone had told me this was how it would turn out in 2004 when I wrote this I would never have believed them.

Keep trying coz everything you do does make a difference even if you feel like you're cycling through the same issues year after year - eventually something will get through.

((((hugs)))) You're doing a good job. Hang in there.

[sarahsweets]

Oh Lunacie..There are just not enough curse words in my vocabulary to express the frustration you must feel. I cant even think of anything helpful to say because your plate is soooo full. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Try to smile, read something stupid I wrote and keep your chin up.

[ginniebean]

Lunacie,

My heart just goes out to you. I know you're frightened and exhausted. I wish I had something constructive to say. You so desperately need a break.

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by tudorose

(((((hugs)))))

I understand. It's just sooooo hard and you can't talk to anyone coz they have no idea and they just say everything's 'normal' so you end up feeling even more isolated.

You are a wonderful person for helping your daughter. Me and DH had to raise our autistic son on our own with no support. It's not something I'd ever want to re-live.

I wrote this when my son was 10
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=4488

It's been a hard road. I've put everything into raising him the right way. It's taken a huge toll on me and my husband and our daughter. I'm 37 but I feel so old.

He's now 18, has moved out of home, has his licence and has nearly finished his apprenticeship. If someone had told me this was how it would turn out in 2004 when I wrote this I would never have believed them.

Keep trying coz everything you do does make a difference even if you feel like you're cycling through the same issues year after year - eventually something will get through.

((((hugs)))) You're doing a good job. Hang in there.

Thank you so much - great blog post. (((hugs back)))

What is so difficult with these kids is the communication. They can't tell us
WHY they decided to go for a drive, or walk clear across the busy road to
the closed church in the middle of the night, or why they're angry or sad
or frustrated, or even where it hurts.

And you don't know whether they understand when you tell them how
scared you were, or how you don't know if you can afford to fix the things
they broke, or how you don't know how to help them because you don't
know where it hurts. When you tell them you were ready to call the police
to help look for them, and they fall apart because they think you meant to
have the police take them to jail.

It's like having a perpetual 2 year old who is as big as you are and wants
to do all the things the big kids are doing but isn't capable of doing them
by herself. Imagine if a 2 year old was tall enough to take the car keys and
open the car door and put the keys in the ignition and actually start the
car! Very scary eh?

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Oh Lunacie..There are just not enough curse words in my vocabulary to express the frustration you must feel. I cant even think of anything helpful to say because your plate is soooo full. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Try to smile, read something stupid I wrote and keep your chin up.

Thank you - I guess it's pretty bad when you can't find the right curse words for the situation.

Originally Posted by ginniebean

Lunacie,

My heart just goes out to you. I know you're frightened and exhausted. I wish I had something constructive to say. You so desperately need a break.

We really thought this camp was going to provide the break we need. It
specializes in special needs kids (autism and down's and such) and it's five
days a week, we take her to the bus at 7:45 and she gets off the bus at
5:15. And she generally spends the weekend with her daddy.

But I know my daughter isn't getting nearly enough sleep because Nove
gets up in the middle of the night and who knows what all she does then.
It's no wonder when she finally got to sleep that Nove was able to slip out
without waking her up. But it's the attitude lately that's just wearing us
both down. Nove is always angry and lashing out verbally, although
switching meds has stopped the worst of the physical lashing out.

I know that no pill is going to take away the Autism. But I wish we could
find some medication that would take away the anger and attitude and
give us back the happy smiling child we've seen glimpses of now and then.

[Sandy4957]

So sorry, Lunacie. I can imagine that you are exhausted right now...

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Sandy4957

So sorry, Lunacie. I can imagine that you are exhausted right now...

Yep. And if I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally, I can only imagine
how my poor daughter feels with physical exhaustion added to all that.
At least I'm taking an antidepressant. I think she needs one too, but it's
so hard to find time for her to see a doctor between working and getting
Nove to camp and doctor appointments and meds checks and ... on top of
all this, our 9 year old basset hound is in heart failure. She is spending so
much money on meds for him and watching to see if he needs to be seen
by the vet and have more tests done. And all I can do is be supportive.