Concerned parent

[longford]

Hiya all,
I am a mother of a twenty year old boy whom I think has been suffering from ADHD. It was highlighted by teachers over the years that he was restless and lacked concentration. I have encouraged my son with no effect to seek help from the the gp. He has said that he will go then changes his mind.

I suppose I delt with his behaviours, aggression, anxiety as best I could, However It has reached the piont where I dont know what to do anymore to help him. He flatly refuses to see gp, but his behaviour has a major impact on family members their lack of understanding is driving me potty.I am stuck between the devil and deep blue sea. Family members think I am defending him and just think he is selfish, needs to take resonsability etc.

He holds down a job thank god, but I have to wake him every morning and take him to work. He does not drive as he spends all his money when he gets it, however does want to drive.Trying to get through to him is almost impossible he does not want to listen half the time unless its for his own gain.

Any support and information would be welcomed. I just want to help him.

[ginniebean]

A GP is unlikely to be helpful. Does your son know much about adhd? Perhaps direct him to this site?

Where are you? Which country?

20 is one of the worst times to try and get someone help they are so stubborn and in denial at this age.

If you do direct him to the site have him read "you know you have adhd when" it's a long thread, it's funny and so not threatening. It has a good chance of getting him to see himself and from there, you might have a chance of getting him to take this a bit more seriously.


and here's the link

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=107235

[keliza]

Maybe it's time for you to pull an ultimatum on him. He either goes to the doctor to get help (GP may not be of much use, a psychiatrist would probably be more helpful for him) or he can't live rent-free with you anymore. He's 20 years old, he's old enough to get a full-time job and pull his own weight. If he isn't going to take care of his own responsibilities, there is no reason for you to keep doing so.

I know he will always be your baby, but he's also a grown man who should be able to get himself out of bed in the morning. I have ADHD and I started using an alarm clock when I was 7. You are not asking too much of him for him to simply take responsibility for his own behavior. If he wants to be stubborn and refuse help, fine, he's a grown man and he's entitled. But why should you and the rest of your family suffer with him? It's not fair to you or anyone else in your family.

[ginniebean]

Ultimatums don't work with untreated ADHD. They are a bad idea generally speaking.

[keliza]

With some people, it's the only way to get anything done. I grew up with untreated ADHD and was extraordinarily obstinate and strong-willed. Many times, the only way my mom was able to get me to do anything was with a fierce ultimatum. I don't like them, but in some cases they are the last resort and the only thing that works. If he's 20 years old and still expects his mom to wake him up in the morning, it sounds like some hard changes need to be made for everyone's sake.