Does a relationship improve....

[roxygirl]

I have been in a relationship with my bf for 5 years and he has ADD though he self medicates to clam the symptoms. We get along really well but it seems that our agruements start over the tiniest things. Though our agruements seem to be in a repeat cycle. I am just looking into ADD for myself and I am planning on making a appointment to comfirm it. So, I am wondering if things do get better over time with ADD medication?

[Danteloogi]

Obviously medication is going to help in some areas, but I can't say for sure that it'll improve your relationship. It does sound a lot like me though, I get angry or offended by little things and I tend to blow them out of proportion. Being on Adderall has helped me quite a bit in this department. I don't tend to explode so frequently, I think before I say something, and I don't feel anxious during the day. Might want to check it out.

[roxygirl]

I get the same way when it comes to little things that aren't really a big issue and I make them a bigger issue then they need to be. We'll go through a whole arguement and then I realize my mistake.

I am gald to hear that it has helped a bit in order to control it and be more aware of it as well. I guess that gives me a better idea and something to look into as well

[MadBodger]

The fact he self medicates isn't a good thing in my view. I hope he has a professional diagnoses. If he doesn't he should get one.

My issues with self-medicating is that it's easy to be wrong. Wrong about not needing something, needing something, or how frequently you take it. Using the wrong thing or the wrong dosage would be easy mistakes.

Working with a qualified medical professional clamps down on issues like that. Getting diagnosed or re-diagnosed might reveal other complications then just ADD/ADHD. Maybe he has another issue that would be better served by therapy, or something that needs a totally different line of medication.

I think my biggest concern in regards to self-medication is that it lacks the therapeutic angle. ADD/ADHD can exacerbate a great many issues and complicate bits of your life. These tangles are not going to be solved simply be medicating the ADD/ADHD. Having someone to walk through the untangling of those issues can be quite a boon.


That said to your specific question. Yes I've found medication to help with my ADHD. Quite dramatically in some ways but not in others. It's going to take a bit more then just medication in my case. Though the medication is definitly helping.

[CheekyMonkey]

There will never be a magic pill that fixes everything. Even medicated, you both will need to adjust your learned behaviors that have negatively affected your relationship.

[sarahsweets]

If he self medicates than thats proof enough that he needs SOME kind of medication to help him preferably non illegal ones.

[Danteloogi]

My ex girlfriend has schizoaffective disorder (basically small amount of schizophrenia and a lot of bipolar symptoms) and we clash SO much. Like we'll be online and I'll try to joke with her, she takes it personally and calls me screaming.

Having two people who are impulsive and say things without thinking can always lead to problems. I hate it, but that's life I guess. The best thing you can do is sit down, talk about whats wrong, what is causing the problems, and try to find ways to resolve it.

[roxygirl]

I don't think that a taking pill to going to magicly fix all the issues, but more so at least allow me to see thing a bit more clearly to work on them. I realize that there will neve be that magic pill to correct them because it's going to take more of that person to do the work.

I can say that I don't care of the whole smoking weed thing to calm him down and I expressed that to him. He doesn't take anything or abuse anything else to calm himself down. But I honestly think there is a good chance he has ADD as well.

So, I would like to be able to work on things being in a non attack / defense mode.

[BR549]

They haven't for me. Of course, that doesn't mean a whole lot when looking at the big picture. There were problems that have always been there that he simply refuses to address. One person can't continually be working on a relationship.

Medication is there to help with your symptoms. The problems you have and negative patterns you have both fallen into will still be there if you both aren't willing to work on the relationship, have open communication and be willing to listen to each other without taking offense. While your symptoms may be playing a role in some of the problems you both have, alleviating those symptoms won't necessarily mean that the problems will disappear. They'll still always be there.

[Monkey Bean]

I would say, "yes, but..."

First of all, I want to say that I was properly prescribed my medication. Self medicating is a terrible idea. Once I found the right dose, there were definite improvements all around. Been on it for 10 months now.

I have a spouse and a Really challenging teenage son. We got him diagnosed with ADD and treated before I was. That helped our family dynamics somewhat. But I was always that X factor with an explosive temper and a tendency to unload nasty verbal blurtings whenever and wherever.

Now that I'm on medication, my mood is much more stable. In the midst of conflicts, I find that I am coping with reasonable responses instead of scary blow ups. It's not 100% meds. Along with that, our family has been going for periodic "tune ups" every couple of months with our family therapist to learn how to address difficult issues.

At the tail end of a vacation this summer, I took four days off my meds. On that fourth day, I toppled into a big fat miserable blow up with my son. So, the fewer days I take off of it the better.

I also stopped feeling abjectly miserable at work. I think in life all around I had a chronic misery before I was diagnosed and medicated. That has largely lifted, which helps most areas of daily life, work, relationships and all. At work I did become much more aware of a pressing apathy and boredom. Now I realize that I do need to spend time exploring what actually makes me happy because before the meds, I just never progressed that far!

Hope that helps.

[roxygirl]

Originally Posted by Monkey Bean

I would say, "yes, but..."

First of all, I want to say that I was properly prescribed my medication. Self medicating is a terrible idea. Once I found the right dose, there were definite improvements all around. Been on it for 10 months now.

I have a spouse and a Really challenging teenage son. We got him diagnosed with ADD and treated before I was. That helped our family dynamics somewhat. But I was always that X factor with an explosive temper and a tendency to unload nasty verbal blurtings whenever and wherever.

Now that I'm on medication, my mood is much more stable. In the midst of conflicts, I find that I am coping with reasonable responses instead of scary blow ups. It's not 100% meds. Along with that, our family has been going for periodic "tune ups" every couple of months with our family therapist to learn how to address difficult issues.

At the tail end of a vacation this summer, I took four days off my meds. On that fourth day, I toppled into a big fat miserable blow up with my son. So, the fewer days I take off of it the better.

I also stopped feeling abjectly miserable at work. I think in life all around I had a chronic misery before I was diagnosed and medicated. That has largely lifted, which helps most areas of daily life, work, relationships and all. At work I did become much more aware of a pressing apathy and boredom. Now I realize that I do need to spend time exploring what actually makes me happy because before the meds, I just never progressed that far!

Hope that helps.

Yes, this did help! Thank you for your input. I fill miserable at work as well though I know I don't have a terrible job, it's just I always finding boredom easily. Since I am not on any meds yet, I don't feel like I am progressing to where I want to be. I just feel like I am hitting wall that I can't get past. I do want to make changes in my life but there is this "wall."

[roxygirl]

Originally Posted by BR549

They haven't for me. Of course, that doesn't mean a whole lot when looking at the big picture. There were problems that have always been there that he simply refuses to address. One person can't continually be working on a relationship.

Medication is there to help with your symptoms. The problems you have and negative patterns you have both fallen into will still be there if you both aren't willing to work on the relationship, have open communication and be willing to listen to each other without taking offense. While your symptoms may be playing a role in some of the problems you both have, alleviating those symptoms won't necessarily mean that the problems will disappear. They'll still always be there.

I do believe there are things he does want to work on and it just seems like he depends on something to cover them up. Then it always seems like he'll put the blame on me and say I am not do the work. I want to do the work but struggling to do so. Which is why I am looking into some info.

[artymom]

Originally Posted by CheekyMonkey

There will never be a magic pill that fixes everything. Even medicated, you both will need to adjust your learned behaviors that have negatively affected your relationship.

This is it right here. The medication has made it possible for me to recognize learned behaviors that have been making things more difficult. I can now work on those behaviors, and cannot tell you what a relief this has been! Am doing SO much better with my kids!