Diagnosed late in life...

[towm8er]

I'm new here. First time post so here goes...

Married for 21 years, 2 kids, formerly successful, now devastated.

I have seen 7 docs over the span of 25 years, none of which could figure out what was wrong, all of which were eager to just write a script for depression.

It wasn't until I had a son who was diagnosed with ADHD that I began to see myself, and ultimately another new doc (top 5 docs in so cali) and spilling my life story of problems and behaviors that he diagnosed me with ADD, at age 45.

I know of nobody that can relate to what I'm going through. I've cut off most relationships or sabotaged them on purpose, now isolated and angry.

Had I known, I would not have married or had kids. I would rather have died and killed off the genes to save others the misery of living through a life like this.

Anyhow, once the diagnosis was made, I became angry and bitter that I wasn't diagnosed as a kid and given a fair chance. I used to be happy, wild, adrenalin seeker, risk taker and known as the guy who says whats on his mind with a complete disregard for how others might feel or think. I hate authority figures and have been let down so many times by politicians, Unions, Police, Fire etc... None of which seem to be serving the 'people', only themselves to my tax dollars.
After being fired from my last 6 figure job. I became so depressed and bitter that I decided I will NOT work for anyone ever again. I will not contribute more tax dollars so it can be spent with reckless abandon. If I don't work, they can't collect. Yes, that's how pis$ed off I am. Mad at the world basically.

My emotions are out of control. Crying, Anger, Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Bitter, Resentful, ...

I think the ADD has gotten much worse. Confidence is long gone. Desire to live - null and void. I quit drinking 5 months ago(only a weekend drinker) after getting a DUI. A Union paid employee who chased me down for not having a front license plate. I hate the teachers Unions and see the abuse and lack of work the teachers do. They ask for parent volunteers while peddling the "it's for the kids" mantra while taking credit for 'all the work they do'.

I better quit now... It's late. I have nothing positive to say. Sorry

[angora]

There is a thread here on the grief process after being diagnosed. It might help to know that you are not alone and things can get better.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=77087

[sarahsweets]

welcome hang on for the ride

[phantasm]

towm8er - Umm Hi. I can relate, I'm just in the process of figuring all this out too. Despair, anger and resentment for the late diagnosis? Yep, I can relate. But there is hope.

Welcome to the boards!

P.S. - Angora, thank you for that link!

[ToneTone]

Hang in there. I tell you the truth: getting diagnosed could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

It was certainly the most helpful thing that has happened to me in terms of seeing myself and working with myself.

I want to encourage you and say you are here on the earth for a reason and you can make a contribution. And as you get to know your brain, you can start to have some real fun! ... Just hang in there. Glad you found a top doc.

You probably will want to pursue therapy and medication ... Therapy is crucial ... It will help you process all that old pain and sense of failure, the broken relationships, etc. Meds don't help process the past. Meds don't help us to forgive ourselves. Meds don't point out that even at our lowest, we did some things right. Meds don't point out that we had strengths ....Therapists can help us with these things.

Plus, the truth is we all have Non-ADHD birth-family stuff ... and we sometimes can't even get to that, to untying those knots and wounds from those years ... because the ADHD overwhelms and aggravates everything.

Get to a talk therapist as well as a doc. Your top doc will know some excellent therapists to recommend.

Good luck.

Tone

[carlb99]

I was recently diagnosed. I'm 42. I'd still be in the dark if it hadn't been for my daughter's diagnosis last month.

I understand your frustration. I had the opposite reaction. I felt so much relief that I have some answers for all those things that I thought were unfathomable about myself. It is a huge shock to find how big part of my life ADHD actually is and has always been.

A huge shock. But, also it is more graspable. I can get my head around it. I can more effectively work with it, against it and around it. Luckily, I have good therapy. And, I just started medication. I'm just at the beginning. But, I have a lot of hope that I can manage this better now that I know what it is and have the right help.

Hang in there. And, find the right people to support developing and implementing a proper treatment plan.

[justtim]

I know that feeling very well.

I was diagnosed at 36. I'd been married almost 10 years at the time and had constant issues. I originally went to a counselor for marriage counseling and anger management however the therapist suggested I didn't have anger issues but tested me for ADHD.

I fought treatment for a while, mainly because I simply thought it was my brain and I should be able to control it. After fighting for years and seeing the same issues I returned to counseling. I didn't really even say anything about the ADHD at first but after a few sessions and telling the counselor my life story she brought it up again. Seems a lot of my life had been affected by the ADHD and I didn't realize it.

I had mixed feelings when diagnosed. On one hand I was glad to hear that some of the issues that drove me crazy could be addressed but on the other hand I was really bummed that I had this issue that had to be treated just to be "normal". I still fight with that.

It's tough, and it's something I'll always have to address, but I'm hopeful I can get control of it and be successful.