How sensitive are you to criticism?

[starrykitten]

We are all probably more sensitive to criticism about some things than others, but I was wondering how sensitivity to criticism overlaps/relates to AD(H)D.

Since we tend to be such driven perfectionists, it seems natural that we would be more sensitive to criticism than others might be, especially since we have to deal so much of the time with people who don't understand us or how ADD works.

I'm feeling that this morning. I think it's mostly sleep-deprivation (It's Friday near 9 AM, and I haven't slept since I got up Thurs. at 11), but there's also that ADD component, I think. An editor published one of my pieces today, and when he sent me the link he tried to give me some tips on how to catch errors that I apparently hadn't spotted. I immediately felt totally inept and foolish, though it did occur to me that he didn't know what it was like to tell an ADD person to "sit still in a quiet room with no distractions and go through every page, word by word."

[Drewbacca]

on a scale of 1-10... I'm a 10. I think a big part of it is ADHD but I think that family-of-origin has a lot to do with this quality as well. I grew up with a really critical mother on one hand and with an alcoholic father on the other... the combination makes it difficult to handle criticism well, although I'm a real pro at dishing it out. In fairness, I'm always more self-critical than I am critical towards others. I think that is why I get so ****** off when others criticize me. I'm hard enough on myself, I don't need the extra help. Thanks.

[SuzzanneX]

I am PLAGUED with over sensitivity and sometimes, constant reassurance
....If I really love the person, I really wanna please them, and I will cry if I think I'm wrong.

I was enlightened. when I discovered this:

.....if someone hurts your feelings, ALWAYS ask yourself ..

"Am I hurting my own feelings, by misunderstanding what was said?"

it calms you down....
...then ASK the question:

"what did you mean by what you said? ...before I let my feelings be all hurt"

USUALLY...
...it's a misunderstanding,

If not, it makes me more, aware THE CRITIC is flawed

......if their intention was to make you feel bad.

then I gotta ask:

......"does making me feel bad, make you feel better?"

If so, then

"it's worth my trouble,

....as long as I do something to make you feel better "

because, it does'nt mean as much,
,....... if they are TRYING to give me greif for sport.

[phantasm]

Originally Posted by Drewbacca

I'm always more self-critical than I am critical towards others. I think that is why I get so ****** off when others criticize me. I'm hard enough on myself, I don't need the extra help. Thanks.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Criticism is one of my biggest obstacles. I don't know how to deal with it, but I want to cry anytime it happens.

I too had a very critical father who would make fun of peoples weaknesses in public as well as mine. So when I hear critism for me, I feel like everyone knows and I'm an obvious failure.

That's one reason why I never went to culinary school, because I couldn't handle putting my love and passion into something and have it critisized.

It's also hard for me to distinguish between criticism and constructive criticism.

Or when someone jokes about something about me and says they are "just kidding".

[phantasm]

Sorry

On a scale of 1-10 it's 10.

[Shlarin]

A few years ago, I used to be very sensitive. Then I worked at a place with a boss who yelled at us almost on a daily basis and it completely desensitized me. This has continued even after he hasn't yelled at us much in recent memory. I found myself not caring a bit at all with others' criticism (maybe too much.) I used to be maybe a 7 or 8.. now I'm more like a 2.

[keliza]

I am not very sensitive to criticism. I think it is because I was raised by a highly critical mother who went out of her way to point out every single last thing I ever did wrong, and blatantly ignore anything I did right. If I got straight A's, her response was, "Good, I'm glad you're finally applying yourself this semester." If I brought home 5 A's and a B, it was, "Why did you get a B in that class? How close was it to an A? Where did you screw up?" I know she was doing it out of love, and because that's how her mother raised her so it's all she really knew. I've learned over the years to forgive her for that, she did the best she knew how.

Anyway, point being that growing up in such an abrasive environment made me very resilient to criticism. I had to learn how to tell myself, "Congratulations, you're awesome, well done" since nobody else was going to say it to me. Learning how to be your own cheerleader is one of the greatest skills any person will ever have, IMO. It gets you by in any situation, because you don't need anybody else to validate your awesomeness.

I think that people raised in environments like mine, where the parents were harsh and critical, end up coming out one of two ways. They either come out like me, resilient to criticism (and to be quite frank, I blatantly ignore most of it), or they become hyper-sensitive to criticism. Maybe part of it is a personality thing, the way the individual's personality interfaces with the environment they were raised in. Some personalities come out of those situations a little hardier than others.

It would probably be better for me if I was able to listen to constructive criticism more effectively. As it is now, I tune out almost anything critical said about me, even if it is meant to be constructive. Grad school has taught me how to be more attentive to constructive criticism, particularly as it pertains to academics, but socially I still maintain an attitude of, "Haters gonna hate, what you're saying means nothing to me and I don't have the time or patience for it."

[fracturedstory]

You criticise me = instant enemy.
I'm working on decreasing the this sudden and growing hate for the majority of people I come across.

[MadBodger]

It's a major issue for me. I'd lean toward the 10 side of a 1-10 scale

In my case I'm actually pretty good at taking constructive criticism well. There's a number of on task situations where I react in a positive manner and would not refer to it as an issue or problem.

The issue comes when it's someone pointing out or criticizing something I'm frustrating or have obsessed over. A task that I have been unable to perform, likely because of the ADHD, and want to do very badly. At that point the criticism can be very poisonous and harmful. It triggers a fresh wave, tidal wave really, of that frustration and obsession. It hurts.

I would say that it took time and learning and adjustment to get where I am on most criticism. Working on what still remains an issue is an ongoing pursuit. Right now it's a major goal for my mental health.

I think the big reason I've gotten good with criticism, outside of the current issue, is because I've developed the skill/learned to take it and ask myself if I agree first. I'll take it neutrally, examine it, and focus on if I agree with the assessment. Why? Why Not? Thus my analytical skills help shred it apart in more bite size chunks instead of swallowing it all at once and choking on it. The issue case gets around this skill because it's already something I'm choking on.

I'm sure I'll always be sensitive but that can be a good thing. Not everyone can take criticism and use it to positively adjust things. Not everyone can use it to learn and grow. Because I naturally take it; I just need to focus on using it positively. I don't need to learn to take it in the first place like many would.


It's interesting to read that this is something that goes hand in hand with the ADD/ADHD. Perhaps it's because our focus switches to the criticism and we always give whatever has our attention our full attention. Thus when criticized we naturally think about it instead of dismissing it. Lack of ability to dismiss may be how it becomes harmful to us. I think where we tend to differ with each other is how we've learned to cope and deal with it. Where we seem to be the same is that inability to just ignore it.

[Ipsofacto]

I can recall so many times that this has happened to me in the past, and like fracturedstory (instant enemy) treated some people with contempt as a consequence. This was the side of ADD symptoms that hit me like a lightning bolt when I first read about it. How as part of the whole frontal lobe thing, we tend to have trouble regulating our emotions and our reactions. To me this is far more important than being able to do some boring required reading or overcoming procrastination. Now I am aware of it, I am constantly astounded at how different I feel if I just take a moment to think about what's been said. I find I often initially interpret as criticism, even the most benign remarks made to me. Correspondingly I find I can also dismiss the importance of something said to me, though this is more difficult to catch as there is no sudden emotion to alert me to stop and think.

[OvertheRainbow]

Very sensitive. Trying to get over that.

[Conman]

after a while of criticism building up, i get volatile

[MoonWorm]

On a scale of 1-10 I'd say I'm about a 9.

I can only take so much criticism before I explode and that is never a good thing.

I am going on an anger management course to help.

[AshT]

I'm not at all.
As far as i'm concerned, criticism can be used as a way of improving. If I can see their criticism i'll take it on board and try to work on it - otherwise it means nothing to me.

If it's non-constructive criticism then it's not my problem - it's the person giving it.

[Ranmaru]

I agree with AshT. I'm real talk. You can consider me the type to be more critical, and critical of myself as well. Always. I also like to think of it as improvement.