What to expect looking for advice

[icey86]

Hi, I'm new and I'm sure someone has faced the same problems I have. I'm 26 and a 2 time college drop out. I now believe I've had ADD since the 6th grade and social anxiety forever.

Sorry this is long. I guess it could be more like a rant, but I need to let it out and vent. With the social anxiety issues. I feel that being anon on the net might be the only way to do it.

For some reason I was just reading a random article on ADD and it was like a light bulb went off in my head. Almost everything talked about in the article was my life in a nut shell. From how I get bored very easily with things I don't like to do. How I procrastinate everything like taking the garbage out 3 days late, going back too school (3 years now), fixing my cars 2 months later, or even going to the doctor and dentist (It took my front teeth cracking for me to have my wisdom teeth removed. It took my mother forcing me to the emergency room for a stomach problem that kept me from work for 2 weeks.) How I'm addicted to things like Video Games, Smoking, Gambling, and in the past other substances. How I constantly zone out when doing something I don't enjoy. How I space out in coversations with people who are boring me. How I can't remember that the wife asked if we could go somewhere and when that time comes. I have no recolection of the conversation or what she wanted to do in the first place. How I forget where my phone is even though I just put it in my backpack 30 seconds earlier. How I do not remember if I locked the door or not even though I'm only 6 steps away. How impulsive I am. I've always done things on impulse. Like always just quitting a job and never giving a two week notice or even thinking about it. Pretty much yep, you made me angry and I quit. I feel I've underacheived, have mood swings, short temper, always stressed, and can't stand criticism. Basically, everything in the article was me and I just didn't really know what to say.

And I can pinpoint all of this back to middle school as where it started. I wen't from a A student to a student that only got A's in the subjects I liked. How I would try to study for things I didn't enjoy and couldn't even read the material because my mind would distract me. Both times I've dropped out of college have been during semesters of taking English (I HATE ENGLISH CLASS!). One of the times I was also taking public speaking.... uhm I can barely talk to people I don't know and now I have to speak in front of people? The only way I can develop a deep conversation with unknown people is alcohol. Otherwise it's short and simple and I never initiate the conversation. I can't order pizza on the phone. I do it online. I can't reserve a room in a hotel. My wife does it. I can hardly even have a conversation with my boss and if I'm sick. It will take me 30 minutes to get the courage to actually call in. As I said, I can't even go to the doctor unless it's drastic, which is why I'm finally seeking help.

From the grief thread, I would say I'm in resentful mode from a whole bunch of what if. I was in denial for 10 years. A gifted student in Math who couldn't make the grades in other areas. My family was poor and couldn't afford to pay for college, so I took out loans and worked full time and tried to go. I just became distracted by substance abuse and partying and doing things that were "fun". It's not like I didn't pass the classes I liked. I could listen to history lectures and ace the test later that week without reading a thing. Math finally broke down when I entered calculus and realized I had to actually study to pass this class. But that was hard considering I missed on average 60 days of school a year in high school over my last 3 years. I missed calculus class once in college and that was the end of that. After having an A all semester.


After reading around for the past day. I realize the doctor I'm scheduled to see at the end of August might think I'm some druggie looking for a pill. I have had all sorts of substance abuse problems from age 16-22. It's close to naming it and yea I did it and sometimes a lot of it. Alcohol was almost a daily thing, but a lot of that has changed. I am only addicted to cigarettes now, which I also stopped at one point for 2 years (frustration : /). Mainly, I'm concerned that if I tell the doctor about my past substance abuse. That they'll think I'm exactly what I said. A druggie looking for a pill.

Is this a common problem? Am I really going to have to jump through hoops to get help, because of my past? Should I even tell them?

It's just so frustrating and I needed to vent. My wife didn't really believe me at first and thought I was just joking around. I started making her read the symptoms and what not and she scheduled my appointment.

Sorry, this is long, but my appointment is over a month away since I have no real doctor at the age of 26, even though I've been insured for 4 years through my job. And I just really needed to type out my frustration and tell someone and maybe receive feedback on the worries I have about meeting the physician. I plan on asking for a therapist or psychatrist during the visit no matter what he/she says.

Sigh : / I figured this might be the first step in taking all these feelings in, so I vented a little and I needed it. I was always told I was just shy and asked why I couldn't do better in school because I was very bright. Now, I know why and I would like to resolve that and focus on the things I've always wanted to accomplish in life, but never could.

[sarahsweets]

Honesty is always the best policy however if you thin you will not get proper treatment then perhaps you should keep the past drug use to yourself.

[icey86]

Thanks, I'm going to be truthful. I hope that requesting to see a therapist as well will show them I'm not pill seeking. In fact, I really don't want medication at all, but if that's what it takes to straighten out my problems. Then I will give it a go.

Sorry about my long rant again. I'm just very emotional and frustrated.

Another question I guess. Is my lifestyle or I guess routine not helping my problems at all?

I work 3rd shift from 11-7. I go home and take her to work at 8 and then sleep for 5-7 hours and pick her up at 4. A lot of times it's very hard for me to sleep while she's at work, so I might only get 4-5 hours of sleep. Sometimes I can't sleep at all. I then sleep until I have to be back at work 4-5 hours after she's home. Its even worst if she has to work weekends, because i have to pick her up an hour ealier. I do not have a normal sleeping schedule or eating schedule.