"Hyperfocusing" over diagnosis

[Assumption]

Hi all.

Ugh, this is horribly long, but I cannot bring myself to go back and trim it down after I've already wasted as long as I have writing it up in the first place! Editing is not my forte. Bear with me as I ramble...

I'm actually posting on my wife's account, that she set up so that I could post. Why, you ask? Because I wasn't paying attention while creating my own account, and accidentally set my birth year to "2012." Ugh. So now apparently I need parental approval in order to get on here. Mods? In any event, she may or may not using this account... I guess it depends on whether or not it turns out I actually do have ADHD-PI as I suspect.

This evening my wife asked me to take the garbage into the garage and bring the clothes horse inside to dry. I managed to get myself pretty agitated trying to force the clothes horse through the garage door (It was the wrong clothes horse too - the one without any wet clothes on it!) before realizing what I was doing. I was so lost in thought over whether I have ADD, that I had somehow managed to completely garble her request. Garbage goes to garage, clothes rack goes inside the house! The other combination didn't even make sense!

As long as we've been together (that goes back 10 years to when I was 18), she has noticed, and called me out on my absent-mindedness. I'm constantly forgetting my keys/wallet etc (she routinely reminds me whenever I am going somewhere). I often fail to take in what's going in in movies (I find myself thinking about the previous scene rather than the current one) and am truly terrible at listening to my wife. If I try and warm croissants under the grill, I'll burn them 50% of the time. I can never remember small details - what's my wife wearing today? No idea. What's your name? I wasn't listening while I shook your hand. I remember that back in primary school, if we were supposed to bring something to class on a particular day (e.g. for swimming), I would forget more often than not. Similarly with homework - but that was part forgetting, part procrastination. I always found homework boring and unbearable.

At school, I was generally the nerd of the class. Writing and maths came pretty naturally to me from an early age, and I found it interesting. I still find it interesting and am currently a PhD student (psychology, not clinical). Unfortunately I have always been a terrible procrastinator. As much as I try, in a typical day I probably only get about 2 hours actual work done (I might sit at my desk for 3 or 4 hours, or perhaps the whole day, but am so unfocused that often well under half that time is actually spent on-task). This seems to get especially bad for the "boring" parts of my job. I can read an introduction section in an academic article, if it's interesting, but by the time I get to the method and results section, my eyes are glazing over or I'm looking out the window or surfing the web. I often can't read a single paragraph in one go - I'm scanning the words but they just don't register.

Very few other people seem to notice how forgetful and distractible I am. I think some people form an impression of me as quite quiet and introverted (I don't enjoy many social situations and HATE small-talk). Others might see the other side of me: when my interest in a conversation is piqued (generally in some political or intellectual topic), I become extremely opinionated, argumentative and long-winded (I talk until I forget what my point was!). I struggle not to talk over the top of people, and often don't pause to let others get a word in. Even if I do, I'll often find a way to steer the conversation back to the topic I want to talk about. Some people find my opinionatedness somewhat refreshing, but others have said that I "think I'm never wrong" or that I "think I invented the question mark." At school, I attracted a lot of attention from bullies, I think because I couldn't inhibit my urge to answer/snap/lash out back - even if it was a group of bullies, or the whole damn class. I made myself an easy target.

I cannot seem to have a hobby that doesn't completely dominate my life. Whether it's World of Warcraft, Diablo 2, or some other video game, I completely focus on it to the exclusion of everything else until I burn out. I've done most of the nerdy pursuits - Dungeons and Dragons and Warhammer too. I generally only get into one at a time, because when I'm focused on it, there's no room for anything else. This contributes massively to my distractedness. 12 years after I was hooked on Diablo 2, I still occasionally have the name of the game, and a warm fuzzy feeling, pop into my head randomly. I tend to obsess over my hoobies and can't achieve a balance. In fact, it often makes me feel depressed. But I'm pretty sure the depression is the effect, and not the cause.

I have a very impatient, irritable streak to my personality. I find I get frustrated easily, and I just let these feelings get under my skin. My wife doesn't want to talk endlessly about my latest interest? I sulk or get sarcastic. I find it hard to curb these feelings. It also means that if I want something, I want it NOW, even if I know that it's not practical to get it now.

Lastly, I'm a bit of a fidgeter, and this has gotten worse, since, at the doctor's orders, I cut down to one coffee per day, in the morning. Today I felt extremely restless while at work - moreso than I ever did while drinking several cups of coffee a day. My wife says I underestimate my twitchiness and am practically never actually sitting still.

Anyways, that's enough (too much probably) about my symptoms. Does any of that resonate with any of you? Do I sound like I could have ADD? Or am just a ADD-wannabe? I'm somewhat worried that I'm just being hypochondriacal but deep down I really feel like my brain works very different to most other peoples'.

I recently made a very poor decision and decided to get back into one of my old hobbies (Warhammer 40k). Without consulting my wife, I went out and spend NZ$800 we don't have on figures, and then proceeded to spend several weeks obsessing over painting them rather than spending time working or with my family. This has caused unprecedented strife between us, and I've felt extremely torn up about it. So I went to my GP to get a referral.

Today I received a call from a psychiatric nurse. She said she wasn't sure what to make of my doctor's referral, so wanted to hear my story. You have to understand, since about a week before I went to the doctor, I've been hyperfocusing on ADD and whether I might have it (I haven't picked up a paintbrush since then, even). I generally come across as fairly well spoken, and was extremely direct - I told her that I think I have adult ADHD-PI, and why. She asked me what I want to do about it. My answer: I want to be assessed by a psychiatrist, with a view to discuss medication if diagnosed.

I get the feeling that she didn't buy it. She fed me a bunch of complacencies ("everyone experiences things like that from time to time" and "maybe it's just depression"). I don't know if she was just following standard procedure ("be skeptical") but yeah, that's the impression I got. I'm supposedly going to hear back on Thursday after she consults with her colleagues? What's there to consult about? I'm somewhat confused... there's a chance I might not even get assessed at all?

I feel like whenever I talk to a psychologist or counselor, I shoot myself in the foot, by sounding too "smart." But the fact is, my performance even at university (where my smarts should help me the most) has been extremely inconsistent (One year I got one A and the rest fails, another year I got straight As). I may be a PhD student, but I've lost several years to my *whatever this is*, and am now in my 11th year of studies (my office mates have been in tertiary education about half that long!)

Anyway, apologies for the horribly long and self-indulgent post. Hopefully some of you found it vaguely entertaining somehow.

- pker014 (the actual account I would be posting with if I'd had my head screwed on)

[Assumption]

Yeah, I just took another look at this and realized how long-winded it is. Typical for me! Nobody is going to manage to get through all this...

But if you get half way through it, you can have a cookie.

[Assumption]

Hmm, update. I actually missed a call from the Nurse (we had been disconnected because I ran out of phone credit while talking to her and then realized my cellphone ringer was turned off, so I missed her return call!)

She said she's talking to her colleagues and they'll get back to me on Thursday, but says that they might want to put me on a trial of antidepressants. She also made it sound like it's quite likely that they won't be able to actually see me.

What should I do? Should I take the antidepressants? I really don't feel like that fits my symptoms, though I definitely have felt very depressed at times (I even felt a tad suicidal a few weeks ago). Perhaps I should take the antidepressants to rule it out?

[CheekyMonkey]

She seems like she dismissed you right away. Any chance of changing providers?

[Assumption]

I'm not sure. I don't really have a provider per se. I live in New Zealand, and I just went to my GP and got a referral. We don't typically have health insurance here (our public health system fills the same role).

So... I really could go anywhere. However, I assume that some places are partially subsidized by the government / have a sliding fee scale. I suspect that the reason they have to think about whether they'll take me is that PERHAPS they are government subsidized and have limited spots available?

I actually went to a psychologist on campus when I first realized that I might have ADD a year or two ago. I went to her for one session. She told me that she could tell I didn't have ADD, simply by virtue of the fact that I am a PhD student. Apparently it's impossible to have ADD and be a PhD student!

Since then, I've wasted a LOT of time, and I think I'm really starting to infuriate my supervisors (one of them has warned me that if I don't get a first author publication submitted this year, or better yet two, I won't be able to get a job because people will think I've just been "coat-tailing"). So although it looks great that I'm a PhD student, the reality is that I'm extremely close to having to find another career.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Sylvie

I'm not sure. I don't really have a provider per se. I live in New Zealand, and I just went to my GP and got a referral. We don't typically have health insurance here (our public health system fills the same role).

So... I really could go anywhere. However, I assume that some places are partially subsidized by the government / have a sliding fee scale. I suspect that the reason they have to think about whether they'll take me is that PERHAPS they are government subsidized and have limited spots available?

I actually went to a psychologist on campus when I first realized that I might have ADD a year or two ago. I went to her for one session. She told me that she could tell I didn't have ADD, simply by virtue of the fact that I am a PhD student. Apparently it's impossible to have ADD and be a PhD student!

Since then, I've wasted a LOT of time, and I think I'm really starting to infuriate my supervisors (one of them has warned me that if I don't get a first author publication submitted this year, or better yet two, I won't be able to get a job because people will think I've just been "coat-tailing"). So although it looks great that I'm a PhD student, the reality is that I'm extremely close to having to find another career.

That makes me crazy! You'll see the same story over and over. People think those who have higher degrees or are "successful" cannot have ADHD. Ridiculous!

Finding someone to take you seriously is a must!!

[Assumption]

I know, I feel pretty frustrated about it. I'm finding it really hard to wait to Thursday.

I keep reminding myself that IF I get to see someone, presumably it will be an actual psychologist/psychiatrist, not this nurse person. I mean, I'm sure she means the best but ARGH! I'm finding her very frustrating!

If I was to seek help elsewhere, what's a good way to do this? Is self-referring generally a good idea? I noticed that at least some of the NZ clinical psychologists / psychiatrists with websites allowed this as an option.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Sylvie

I know, I feel pretty frustrated about it. I'm finding it really hard to wait to Thursday.

I keep reminding myself that IF I get to see someone, presumably it will be an actual psychologist/psychiatrist, not this nurse person. I mean, I'm sure she means the best but ARGH! I'm finding her very frustrating!

If I was to seek help elsewhere, what's a good way to do this? Is self-referring generally a good idea? I noticed that at least some of the NZ clinical psychologists / psychiatrists with websites allowed this as an option.

I'm not sure how your system works, but if you can figure out someone with experience with adult ADHD, I say go for it!

Looks like there is an aukland support group (just google auckland adult )ADHD, maybe join and find a mentor?

[Assumption]

Good idea, thanks for the suggestion. I just feel like a bit of a fraud signing up a a support group, given that I have not yet been diagnosed and that my wife is basically the only person that takes me seriously on this.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Sylvie

Good idea, thanks for the suggestion. I just feel like a bit of a fraud signing up a a support group, given that I have not yet been diagnosed and that my wife is basically the only person that takes me seriously on this.

Everyone feels like a fraud in the beginning. You deserve to be happy, so take that opportunity. I'm sure there have been many other people the support group without an official diagnosis.

[Plognark]

I hyperfocused on my diagnosis and condition for like, three months after I first found out about it.

It took a while, but I did start to settle down after that. It's a tremendously life changing bit of information.

Tell your shrink to look up Edward M. Hallowell. He wrote the 'Driven to distraction' books all about ADHD. He's an MD who has ADHD, and does not take medication for it; manages through behavioral awareness alone.

That's just one example of a successful, highly educated ADHDer out there.

[Assumption]

I actually found myself an MD who specializes in ADHD who was recommended to me when I rang an ADHD helpline today, thanks Cheeky for getting me onto that! The person at the helpline said that going through the public health system is a bit hit and miss with adult ADHD and you might end up with a doctor that doesn't really "believe in it."

This guy has a bit of a reputation in Auckland as being the guy that people with ADHD go to. (I don't think I'm allowed to post about individual practitioners on this page, correct?) His website looks somewhat reassuring, and he mentions Hallowell's book (which I haven't actually read, yet). Also, his prices seem reasonable, compared to the other prices I've seen out there. Though he specializes in ADHD diagnosis and treatment, he's a general practitioner rather than a psychiatrist, and is therefore really cheap.

Googling, I found a few mentions of him (and allusions to him) with mixed things to say. Many people highly recommended him, while others claimed that he will diagnose anything with 2 legs as having ADHD, and doesn't properly investigate differential diagnoses before diagnosing you with the disorder. That said, many of the pages that claimed the latter were clearly skeptical of ADHD as a disorder in general, so can probably be dismissed pretty safely.

Do the good ADHD doctors generally get a bad rap? Or should I be worried here?

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Sylvie

I actually found myself an MD who specializes in ADHD who was recommended to me when I rang an ADHD helpline today, thanks Cheeky for getting me onto that! The person at the helpline said that going through the public health system is a bit hit and miss with adult ADHD and you might end up with a doctor that doesn't really "believe in it."

This guy has a bit of a reputation in Auckland as being the guy that people with ADHD go to. (I don't think I'm allowed to post about individual practitioners on this page, correct?) His website looks somewhat reassuring, and he mentions Hallowell's book (which I haven't actually read, yet). Also, his prices seem reasonable, compared to the other prices I've seen out there. Though he specializes in ADHD diagnosis and treatment, he's a general practitioner rather than a psychiatrist, and is therefore really cheap.

Googling, I found a few mentions of him (and allusions to him) with mixed things to say. Many people highly recommended him, while others claimed that he will diagnose anything with 2 legs as having ADHD, and doesn't properly investigate differential diagnoses before diagnosing you with the disorder. That said, many of the pages that claimed the latter were clearly skeptical of ADHD as a disorder in general, so can probably be dismissed pretty safely.

Do the good ADHD doctors generally get a bad rap? Or should I be worried here?

Glad you are on the right track!

It is okay to list providers, there is actually a whole section dedicated to referrals.

[Assumption]

OK, well this is the one.
http://www.drhanne.co.nz/
And I found this:
http://www.nzdoctor.co.nz/in-print/2...e-dropped.aspx
Does it look like a good pick, and what do you make of that story? Oh, and he was recommended by the adhd support person I chatted to.

[Drewbacca]

"Sounding too smart" has actually hurt me with job interviews. Not in diagnosis though...
As you likely already know, a primary indication of ADHD is not being able to live up to your level. If you self present with a complaint of "I know that I could do a lot more but I feel like my hands are tied." That should be sufficient info for your intelligence not to count against you.

Originally Posted by Sylvie

Do the good ADHD doctors generally get a bad rap? Or should I be worried here?

I'd try the doc out and see what happens. Don't worry if he's quick to diagnose. What you should worry about is if he just throws pills at you and doesn't try to make an honest evaluation of whether they are working as desired or not.

See link. #2 "the drug pusher" http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7287-2.html