Social Media Making Me Miserable...

[Crosswired]

Once a year, I play in a Fantasy Football league on-line with old college friends. We are all scattered across North America, so I never see these old friends or really think about them until this time of year when we 'draft' our league on-line.
The league also interacts with Facebook, so as the game is being discussed I am exposed to their facebook profiles. A few are on Wall Street, some in LA, others in Boston...all with great careers and beautiful wives etc. I started out great, with a job in finance....but ADD kept me from thriving. I was stuck in the same position for 5 years, before I packed it in. I was un-diagnosed the whole time, so I really wasn't quite sure what was holding me back.

I don't think it's envy I feel, but anger. Angry because I know I am more intelligent than some of these guys and I feel like I have been robbed of a great life. I have had a 'chip-on-shoulder' for years now. I had to stop drinking alcohol because this anger would come out when I was drunk and I would become a mean and aggressive a-hole.

I have been diagnosed just over a year now, so I think I am still coming to terms with how my ADD has affected my life and wasted my potential.

Anyway, just venting. Good to let this out.

[Assumption]

(I'm actually pker014, sylvie is my wife, but my account is munted atm) Earlier this year I realized how dire our financial difficulties were and set myself a really ambitious 60 hour work-week plan to get my life in gear.

I actually managed to stick to it for several weeks - by giving up all my hobbies and ignoring every other aspect of my life (including my wife, who really disliked it).

It all came tumbling down when I stumbled across a game called Drawception (through Facebook). I spent the next 48 hours playing it, and lost all focus on my work. I haven't managed to get back into a good rhythm since then.

So yeah, social media has it's difficulties (Sorry, I know this is only vaguely relevant to what you said).

[Drewbacca]

I can relate. My life has been put on hold. I can't even seem to finish college which boggles my mind since many of my intellectual peers have attended ivy league schools. It's frustrating to no end to have so much potential and not be able to reach it. I think you are correct... it's not jealousy at all, but rather, a constant reminder of what you haven't finished.

Don't be too hard on yourself though. For all of its setbacks, you have a different mind and imho you are more likely to come up with a break through than your peers who are trained to look at the world a certain way.

[CheekyMonkey]

I get very upset watching many of my college peers go on to get PhDs and working jobs I wanted to have. I was unable to keep up after college (undiagnosed) and "failed" at reaching my goals.

I think it is okay to be angry about it. It isn't fair and it does suck.

[fracturedstory]

I'm still trying to get that first job at 26. I might seem young as people tell me but that's like 8 wasted years where I could have been working if only some employer would have given me a chance.

I do feel angry because I can't go for some low wage paying job to gain experience because they give them to teenagers. Then again I have more time to work on my own goals which will hopefully get me closer toward that first job.

Heck, I get angry when I see how socially successful my old friends have been. Let it all out. OK, maybe that is jealously.

[sarek]

For me its different. FB wasnt there when I was young so I missed that painful stage of gradually drifting behind my peers.
The people I associate with on FB are very much the people I have chosen myself and many are in similar situations to my own.

[hanikamiya]

The guy I used to do maths competitions with when class was too boring went to Harvard. I skipped out of school.
I was pretty angry at myself when I first read about it, by chance.


I also had (and partially still have) this inferiority complex because I'm ... slow to mature. (Literally; puberty came years later for me than for other girls my age.)


In my country, primary and secondary education is free, university not as expensive as in most other countries, so there's this ... belief within public opinion that when you're talented enough, you can easily finish school and then university at a certain age.

Some time ago I realized that some of my net friends from the US went to college for some time, then worked for some time, then went to college to finish their degree, because they couldn't afford it otherwise. And then, a Japanese friend told me about their system - students enter and leave school at almost exactly the same age, go to university at the same age, finish their degrees at the same age and are recruited by companies by year of birth. Which means that when you first need to find a job when the economy's relatively weak and many others were born the same year, you're out of luck. Next year the ones graduating after you will be chosen.


After thinking about this a lot, I decided that I did not want to yearn for a society that rewards mediocrity, and stunts people's growth for any trait out of the average.
And trying to mimick being average - or rather, being 'successful at being average' already cost way too much of my ressources.



So, I try not to compare myself and my achievements to others.
Because when I look at my talents the result is way too positive, and when I look at my weaknesses the result is way too negative. Those two self-images are so different that I used to fear I might be bipolar.
But now I give my best to look at my own progress. The great thing about that is that I actually notice the effort I put into different skills. And who cares if person x managed to acquire the same skill with less effort? For me, it is difficult, and when I still manage to do it I'm proud of it.

[faller]

FB also makes me feel bad to see friends moving ahead when I am stuck. Strangely it does not motiavte me at all. Big goals motivate me but seeing others get ahead with less effort kinda stinks. I actually avoid FB for this reason.

[yellowflowers]

Cant stand social medias sights - they really bring me down - its like a competition or something - i feel so ashamed, so pathetic, seeing my live compared to others. Jealousy anger a mix i dont know, i feel judged and worthless. All my life I hve been unable to keep up - i thought things were 'easier' for thoer people because they were just BETTER than me - lots of friends, relationships, plans and holidays and sucess. All these ppl out there following throu, succeeding, with goals. Its not just work or study or household organisaion for me - I also cnnot plan a social life or be consistent in one and it makes me feel like the biggest looser possible.

[ginniebean]

Yeh, I'm kinda with Sarek on this, I don't have a lot of fb friends, I just go once in a while to check on my kids... But I didn't grow up with it, I guess in some ways it might help people see how impaired they are. Denial may feel good because you don't need to see it, but will hurt you more in the long run.

Sorry you're feeling bad about it.

[Zevispaz]

Most people on there are faking it. You just see the good parts, you don't see the down time in between. They could be going through marital problems and you'd never know it. I put up pictures that make my life seem awesome and perfect. It is awesome in it's own offbeat quirky way, but not as perfect and amazing as facebook makes it seem.

[Joker_Girl]

I agree. Most people just put things on there to show off. Look at me, look at me. It is just like a year round, big lying Christmas letter.

"Why look! We are on another Caribbean vacation. Life is fckin PERFECT all the time. The kids are all geniuses and I have NO cellulite. Look, we got ANOTHER new car! Isn't it CRAZY how rich we are?" (especially when we live in podunk city USA, and don't really have that great of jobs?)

It is all a big show, by people who feel insecure so they have to pretend life is peachy and they are better than everyone. Don't let it bug you too much. It is what it is.

If you know everyone's real life....its never so perfect. Everyone has bad things. But if they put them on facebook all the time, they are being a debbie downer.

"Oooooh look at the new huge diamond ring my hubby got me for Christmas!" (Pic of giant diamond, 83 likes). What you DON'T see...."and he HAD to, after i caught him boning my sister!"

LOL

Another funny thing is when women who are like my age, are on there and put pics of themself partying with their 17 year old daughter and her friends, smoking a bong, drinking with teenagers, and wearing a hot pink spandex minidress. This girl i used to be knowing had a pic of herself in a bikini holding a beer, and there was a glass pipe on the coffee table. She is 4 years older than I am. Why do they DO that?? Oh my GOD just STOP it, that hasnt looked good on you since 1994.

There is some way you can fix it so you dont see peoples updates, but i dont know how. That way you dont have to hear about it everytime they go on a cruise or buy a new Hummer. (Or give one, in the instance of my above friend...LOL)