Depersonalization, Disassociation, and Daydreaming

[CheekyMonkey]

I was talking to my husband yesterday and this topic came up.

When I was a kid, I often felt as though I was watching myself as an observer...as though my body was only a vessel for my mind. I often felt that my body looked foreign when looking into a mirror, and that it didn't really belong to me. Super strange, I know. I never felt like I was someone else or anything, it was mainly just a de-connect from my body and environment. I didn't really think anything of it, and until yesterday didn't realize that sort of disconnect was not typical.

I do not do this nearly as much, but still have moments like this.


So is this like daydreaming?

I have mild sensory processing issues, could that make me feel disconnected from my body? I don't know.

I know trauma can cause these things, but nothing traumatic happened to me when I was younger.

I guess I'm just curious if other ADDers have experienced this, or if I'm just special.

[keliza]

I have had that sensation a lot throughout my life. I would look at myself in a mirror and not recognize the person staring back, or recognize her but with an understanding that somehow, she was not me, even though she was my reflection. It was like looking at a stranger with my own face. Very unsettling. I would also sometimes have times where I felt like I wasn't real, like everything I was doing and experiencing was not real. It was so bad that sometimes I had to pull my car off the side of the road to ground myself, because I suddenly felt like me and my car flying down the road at 50 mph were not real. That is NOT the kind of feeling you want to have while you're driving!

But for me, these were all symptomatic of depersonalization/derealization, which I experienced as a symptom of PTSD. I did have a traumatic childhood and dealt with PTSD all the way into my early 20s, until I sought therapy and was finally able to address and treat the issues. In the years since, I have experienced that sensation only very rarely, and only in times when my general stress/anxiety level was heightened to abnormally high levels.

I think the question is, does this sensation cause you distress? If it does, then it's probably symptomatic of some kind of anxiety or depressive disorder. It's not uncommon for people with some kind of anxiety disorder (generalized, social, PTSD, OCD) to have feelings of depersonalization or derealization. However, if it's not causing you any kind of distress, then it's probably just some kind of daydreaming. I've never heard of daydreaming like that before, but if the world operated based on just what I had heard of, it would be a terribly dull place wouldn't it?

[spunkysmum]

I am trying to remember, but I am not sure. I have had sensations of sleepwalking through waking life, or days spent half in a dream state, I know that.

In one way I have always felt a disconnect is from my name. Family and close friends call me Gini but my full name is Virginia, and though I like the name Virginia fine, and answer to it obviously, it's never really seemed like it belonged to me. I don't dislike it at all, don't particularly have a preference against being called it like some people do against their real names. I just feel....disconnected from it. It's hard to explain.

[Assumption]

Only once, and I was under the effects of Salvia divinorum (which is legal in NZ). I was a ghost trying to escape from a 2 dimensional snowman... then I realized that the 2d snowman was me. That realisation was pretty terrifying :P

OK, that's not very similar to what you said...

[sarek]

For me its a lot milder. Its just a feeling of not completely belonging in the world. Like I am just visiting for a while. I have often felt more like an observer than a participant. 'always on the outside, looking in'

[meadd823]

Originally Posted by CheekyMonkey

I was talking to my husband yesterday and this topic came up.

When I was a kid, I often felt as though I was watching myself as an observer...as though my body was only a vessel for my mind. I often felt that my body looked foreign when looking into a mirror, and that it didn't really belong to me. Super strange, I know. I never felt like I was someone else or anything, it was mainly just a de-connect from my body and environment. I didn't really think anything of it, and until yesterday didn't realize that sort of disconnect was not typical.

I do not do this nearly as much, but still have moments like this.


So is this like daydreaming?

I have mild sensory processing issues, could that make me feel disconnected from my body? I don't know.

I know trauma can cause these things, but nothing traumatic happened to me when I was younger.

I guess I'm just curious if other ADDers have experienced this, or if I'm just special.

I depersonalize to the point it is a permanent aspect of my personality, it has been this way so long it flips on and off like a switch . On the inside it feels much like being two different people sharing a single body but mine developed secondary to abuse and is a splintered personality thus considered a diagnosable personality disorder.

Mine was never attributed to being ADHD but to the age and developmental stage I was when the abusive incidents occurred.

I can become a third party observer of my self and this can be useful in when dealing with difficult situations or intense emotions.

[Spacemaster]

It's another reason I like to call myself the "Spacemaster". I feel like I'm sort of stuck in outer space, with only an outsider view of the world.

I have a major disconnect feeling. Sometimes it's so bad I freak myself out, but most of the time it's mild or nonexistent.

I feel like I'm watching some movie going on around me, but I'm not involved or connected to any of it.

When it gets really bad, I question if anything around me is "real". I guess I know in my head that it's real, but I'm so disconnected I almost get an anxiety attack if I overthink it. I wish I could describe it better. I don't really have too much anxiety otherwise.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by keliza

I have had that sensation a lot throughout my life. I would look at myself in a mirror and not recognize the person staring back, or recognize her but with an understanding that somehow, she was not me, even though she was my reflection. It was like looking at a stranger with my own face. Very unsettling. I would also sometimes have times where I felt like I wasn't real, like everything I was doing and experiencing was not real. It was so bad that sometimes I had to pull my car off the side of the road to ground myself, because I suddenly felt like me and my car flying down the road at 50 mph were not real. That is NOT the kind of feeling you want to have while you're driving!

But for me, these were all symptomatic of depersonalization/derealization, which I experienced as a symptom of PTSD. I did have a traumatic childhood and dealt with PTSD all the way into my early 20s, until I sought therapy and was finally able to address and treat the issues. In the years since, I have experienced that sensation only very rarely, and only in times when my general stress/anxiety level was heightened to abnormally high levels.

I think the question is, does this sensation cause you distress? If it does, then it's probably symptomatic of some kind of anxiety or depressive disorder. It's not uncommon for people with some kind of anxiety disorder (generalized, social, PTSD, OCD) to have feelings of depersonalization or derealization. However, if it's not causing you any kind of distress, then it's probably just some kind of daydreaming. I've never heard of daydreaming like that before, but if the world operated based on just what I had heard of, it would be a terribly dull place wouldn't it?

I am prone to anxiety, for sure. I'm not sure how much of it is extra anxiety apart from ADHD induced.

This has never really bothered me. Until last night, I thought it was normal. I just am not sure what to make of it, and if it was an ADHD thing or something extra.

Interesting.

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by spunkysmum

I am trying to remember, but I am not sure. I have had sensations of sleepwalking through waking life, or days spent half in a dream state, I know that.

In one way I have always felt a disconnect is from my name. Family and close friends call me Gini but my full name is Virginia, and though I like the name Virginia fine, and answer to it obviously, it's never really seemed like it belonged to me. I don't dislike it at all, don't particularly have a preference against being called it like some people do against their real names. I just feel....disconnected from it. It's hard to explain.

I have a nickname that is used by the majority of my friends and family. I used my given name at school, and then at work. It is very confusing as I don't really feel like I have an actual name. I know exactly what you are talking about!

[Assumption]

(Sylvie's husband) I get that with my name too. Patrick. People ask me if I mind if they call me Pat. I tell them I honestly don't care what they call me as long as it's not s__t-for-brains. It's just a label - it's not who I am. OK, it is WHO I am but it's not WHAT I am

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by Sylvie

(Sylvie's husband) I get that with my name too. Patrick. People ask me if I mind if they call me Pat. I tell them I honestly don't care what they call me as long as it's not s__t-for-brains. It's just a label - it's not who I am. OK, it is WHO I am but it's not WHAT I am

And now your name is Sylvie.

[Assumption]

Hah, yeah.. *grumble grumble*

[RedHairedWitch]

When I was young I did feel that my appearance did not match my "inside" but this seems to have lessened over the years.

[Retromancer]

Experienced depersonalization extensively in my teens and early twenties. Has mostly subsided except during periods of stress. (Have thought of buying a t-shirt that says "Calm, cool and collected? Nah just dissociating...")

History of childhood psychological trauma. Violently abusive alcoholic stepfather.

[Conman]

the only kinds of depersonalization or dissociation ive encountered (not me personally) are due to certain drugs or some mental conditions. if it counts, during really really really epic or awesome experiences in life i feel as if im watching myself from above doing the things, like an out of body experience