lonely

[yellowflowers]

Hi

I hope it okay that I post this - I am not even sure what kind of heading I shroud give it. I am so low today - and my brain is so unclear I can't even try problem-solve. I wish I could cry it might be a release. I'm lonely. Like aching with it. And I cant thing of anyone I could get in touch with - because evne though I have ppl in my life - non of them really know how things are for me. and I don't want to tell them stuff when I'm like this- because I can't thing clearly enough to decide if I want to tell them and might really regrety it later - this has happened so many times.

I have the patience for nothing today - I am supposed to be studying - I can't even concentrate on what needs washing amoung all the clothes on my bedroom floor. its like someone got my brain and soaked it in bin juice and its gone all mushy.

I;ve finished the assessment for adhd - this week - got the official diagnosis I suppose. I thought id feel relief, I don't. I feel terrible. Recommended meds - has to go through my doc - not sure when that will happen - maybe next wk. I don't know why I am so low. I don't know what to do when I'm like this - i USUAlly turn to binging and vomiting - and i really don't what to do that. I feel so s***** about myself. I feel like the - Ive no words for it - just so bad about myself.

Its provably pointless trying to do study - but I have so much to do -like its really bad - I'm close to totally flunking out - and i could spend the day trying to make myself work and get no where. But I don't know what else to do. I've no money - impulse buying to try lift my mood not an option, the food thing not an option, and there is no one to talk to. I've got back into bed here with my computer - I'm hoping I can somehow sleep this off and maybe I'll wake up feeling a bit clearer? a bit more able too do stuff? seems the only option. I dont know what I'm so low. And when you low that the time you need your brain to help you came up with something that might help, or like a bits of motivation to do something. I'm trying to tell myself that no point trying to do work - to just let myself off the hook today, but i DID THe same thing yesterday and I'm even lower today.

Do you guys just give up? like do I just acceot my brain wont work today and try do something really no brain power needed like doodling or soemthing? problem is I am also restless - tv or something I havent the pATIENTs for. I'm really lonely

[CheekyMonkey]

I'm sorry you are at a low point right now.

Sometimes the only thing left to do is to hold on tight and hope that things change soon. You are finally going to be getting treatment, and that should really help. Just a little longer. ((hug))

I'm glad you are not binging/vomiting. Seems like a step in the right direction to me.

[Darkpk55]

Exercise helps me when I can't think straight or I'm thinking negative

[Joker_Girl]

I am sorry things are so crappy right now.

Hopefully the diagnosis and meds will help.

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Im glad you are here. We are here for you.

I cant think of anything helpful, other than it sucks you are feeling so bad.

[keliza]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time right now. It sounds like things are rough for you for a lot of reasons. I'm really, really proud of you for not binging and purging, though. I don't even know you, but I'm just proud of you as a person because one of my best friends was bulimic and I've seen just how much damage the binge/purge cycle can do, and how addictive it is. Make sure you give yourself enough credit for that, you're really strong to stand strong and not give in to the urge.

Some days with ADHD are much worse than others. Sometimes, for me, I just have to throw my hands up in the air and say, "You know what, today is just not going to be the kind of productive day I want it to be." The day isn't ruined, I would never call a day ruined, but it just means that certain things you wanted to get done today are better off done tomorrow, when your brain might be less foggy. You will get a lot of peace once you learn how to let go of making certain things happen on a certain day. I understand that sometimes there are deadlines and you HAVE to get something done by a certain day, but if it doesn't have a deadline, don't upset yourself over not having it done today.

I'm glad that you have a diagnosis and you're seeing your doctor about medication. That will help lift the brain fog and keep you focused and alert, so you will have fewer bad days and more good days. Hang in there, the sun is coming up, you know? You've been proactive and sought diagnosis, which is the first step towards living a happier, more productive life. Things are going to go up from here, you're on the right track to improvement.

Maybe you should try confiding in your best friend about what you're experiencing? Even if they don't understand it from a first-hand perspective, as your best friend they will be there to support you anyway, even if they don't understand it at all. I have bipolar disorder as well as ADHD and I talk to my best friend about it, even though she doesn't have BP and doesn't really understand it from a first-hand perspective. She is still supporting and loving and listens to me, because she's my best friend. She doesn't have to understand it exactly to know that it's hurting me and that I need support. I don't think you will regret confiding in your closest friend, I think they will be happy that you chose to confide in them and you might not feel so alone.

If nothing else, you always have us here on the forum. We totally understand what it means to have ADHD and how it impacts your life. Remember that you are never, ever alone. There is always someone here who understands, if nothing else.

[Fuzzy12]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. It's strange, I can so relate to your post. I could have written every word of it.

I'm not sure what the best thing to do is. I tend to give up (and often that means binge eating and purging too) but sometimes I do that for days (or even weeks) on end and mostly that's just not a possibility. At least not a good one.

I think getting some sleep is a good idea. I normally feel refreshed after sleeping and everything seems a bit easier. Crying helps too. It has the same effect. Well crying tires me out and then I can sleep.

Maybe you could go for a walk? A bit of fresh air and the exercise might help.

I can't really confide in anyone in real life either. But you can always post here. Sometimes it helps to just get it out. You are not alone. I hope you feel better soon!!

[TurquoiseWind]

i could have written that whole post myself except it sound like your in school or college and i am not, but the rest is exactly how i feel. well not at the moment but then again maybe a little. i feel so trapped, i have tried and failed with so many things before. do i want to give up, yeah i do. have i given up? i dont know actually, but no not entirely but its very tempting. i feel like really, whats the point if im just gonna fail again?

and about being lonely, trust me i know what that feels like, that aching pain from being alone even if there are people around, just knowing that no one truly knows you or understands. that ache has gone away, i think i am getting used to being alone, but i still feel lonely.

still dont give up (i should probably take my own advice as well though it may be hard) and you at least have been diagnosed and are going to be getting meds soon so just hang in there. me on the other hand, i am undiagnosed and not taking anything, i feel so hopeless most of the time. i'm gonna try and get a job so i can pay for my own doctor visits and treatment.

sincerely sending my best wishes to you, and your not truly alone trust me there are plenty of us who struggle with this

[yellowflowers]

Hi

Thanks you so much for all responding - I just came back into my computer and it lifted my heart that anyone responded. I went for a sleep, then a walk,now I'm back At my desk. My thinking is a little sharper maybe I do think it is, still so tempted to binge and vomit and the I think what ever a waste of today is at least if I can no I didn't go there with that I feel some sense that I do deserve to be on this planet at all. I rang a friend - it helped to make contact with DAH HUMANS but I couldn't tel her how I really am. I also coundlnt remember what I was supposed to ask about her life which makes me feel like horrible person. A small bit did come back to me. Spell check is so annoying - its doesnt take into account the people who have there spelling REALLY wrong - so I look though the suggestions and non of them are the right word. I'm sorry it must be very annoying -its kind of selfish off me because I'm too inpatient to spend the time going through what I've written and figuring it out - and then it stops me posting at all because I haven't the concentration to do it right.

I'm sort of shocked that others on here could relate to what I wrote - I know no one in my life here who is like my, no one at all. for responding xxx

[CheekyMonkey]

Originally Posted by yellowflowers

Hi

Thanks you so much for all responding - I just came back into my computer and it lifted my heart that anyone responded. I went for a sleep, then a walk,now I'm back At my desk. My thinking is a little sharper maybe I do think it is, still so tempted to binge and vomit and the I think what ever a waste of today is at least if I can no I didn't go there with that I feel some sense that I do deserve to be on this planet at all. I rang a friend - it helped to make contact with DAH HUMANS but I couldn't tel her how I really am. I also coundlnt remember what I was supposed to ask about her life which makes me feel like horrible person. A small bit did come back to me. Spell check is so annoying - its doesnt take into account the people who have there spelling REALLY wrong - so I look though the suggestions and non of them are the right word. I'm sorry it must be very annoying -its kind of selfish off me because I'm too inpatient to spend the time going through what I've written and figuring it out - and then it stops me posting at all because I haven't the concentration to do it right.

I'm sort of shocked that others on here could relate to what I wrote - I know no one in my life here who is like my, no one at all. for responding xxx

Type however you type, here. I love that I don't have to triple check my posts before pressing submit. Very refreshing!


People here are really kind about typing and spelling. No grammar police allowed.

[TurquoiseWind]

your welcome and i am glad your feeling better, and i am glad my post as well as the other posts helped. actually your post helped me too, i have felt like i was the only one too, but i whenever i read about other people's experiences like this i don't feel so alone anymore, so thank you for sharing your experience

and yeah spell check is annoying, i have a 1st gen ipod (very old) so it is less annoying than the newer ones i think. don't worry though i could still read your post fine.

a bit off topic but i actually made a sort of game out of spell check that i do whenever i am sitting in some waiting room or at home really bored.

just start typing random letters and let spell check do its thing, it gave me a good laugh the silly phrases that come out lol :P i only do this when really bored. of course it doesn't always work but sometimes you can get something weird or funny.

[bumblebe]

I have had many days like that.....Just know it will pass.

And I know this sounds cheesy, but seriously when I write down a list of things I have to be grateful for, I get better on the spot.

[rockydaydreamer]

Aww. I hope you find an adhd med that works great for you. For me, Adderall has worked great so far.

[justchillin4now]

hey yellowflower, I feel the same way and sometimes its so hard for me to think, I feel brain damaged. its horrible, Ive just recently been diagnosed and am 43 and have not known whats been wrong with me, although everone my whole life called me scatterbrained and space cadet. It was very hurtful. I am sick of being sick. I am on meds but its not an instant fix especially if youve been like this forever jumping from job to job due to boredom. I get so bored so easily and distracted. I miss exits, I miss social cues. I would just like a new brain lol. I was suicidal at one point to, so hang in there it will get better, I'm going to see if i can get my pdoc so prescribe namenda, its all over this website as making you clear headed and sharp. I know if I have that, I would be better xoxoxo

[hockeyguy]

I feel lonely quite often, even if I am married. I think for a lot of people with ADHD the loneliness can be overwhelming because we feel as if nobody understands us. I have felt pretty crappy myself. I used to be a loner, nobody to talk to, a million thoughts going thru my head. But when I felt my worse, I always told myself that things can only get better. That saved the day for me so many times.. and you know what? I was right. It only got better.

[amberwillow]

I have days like that too yellowflower... They happen much less frequently in recent years though. I really relate to that overwhelming sense of loneliness you describe.

I grew up in a family that loved me, but I remember feeling lonely a lot.

I have that in common with my Dh... He was youngest in his family too and grew up kinda overlooked. He also has ADD. We don't have the same presentation but I think it's one of the reasons we get along so well.

Sometimes I just want to talk to someone who understands that I'm having a tough day and why... But I don't want to over-burden my friends who are often struggling too, or cope with the denial of my mother (who accepts that my 3 kids have ADD, but not me) one more time.

I use some of strategies already mentioned... I go for a walk, I read my diary entries from better days, I have a hot bath or write bad poetry. My husband asks me to remember to tell him... because he cares, even if I think I shouldnt bother him with it.

Im so proud of you for posting here.