It's been a while and I need some encouragement.

[Dovie]

Hey, ladies and gents. It's been far too long since I touched base with you guys. Lots has gone on. My husband lost his job, decided to look for work in Minnesota, when that fell through he came home. In the meantime we lost our apartment and had to move in with my parents. Joey also switched to a local charter school that is reknowned for helping kids with disorders like him.

Or so I thought.

Once again he's in a school that is just doing it wrong. They don't follow his BIP, send him to the office for ridiculous things (ie showing his underwear to a girl cause she asked him to...something no pair of six year olds has done ever *eye roll*), and he's completely misunderstood. He was marked off for "yelling and throwing crayons" last week. When I asked him about it he said he was playing and the crayons that rolled off his desk lost the game. Now, keep in mind that Joey plays at full volume all the time. He has no volume control. So after weeks of being in school she marks him off for yelling and throwing things when it should have been "playing during class work time.". I'm starting to think that I need to make a legend of behaviors for everyone he comes into contact with. They also view him as a distraction rather than a means of teaching. I will never understand why children with ADHD are "bad seeds" while children with other disabilities are "special" and the other children are taught tolerance instead of how to ostracize.

There are other things. Like he's now chewing his shirt. The school requires polos and he's now chewed the top button off of every single one we own. I don't want to sew new buttons on for fear of swallowing. Clothes chewing is entirely new this school year. Not sure if it's a replacement habit for something else or just a "buttons are cool when I chew them" thing.

Add to that the stress of my mother constantly dogging us about his condition. She wants us to take him to Scottish Rite to get him some serious help. It's two hours away and we work opposite shifts with one car because no one can keep him for us. She's tried a few times but she just can't handle him. She taught spec Ed for 16 years. It seriously makes me wonder if he's that severe or if she's that rusty. My parents also tell me constantly that he just needs a good whooping. With a belt. Like that does anything but harbor resentment and confusion in a boy like him. I feel like he's actually doing great, barring the occasional temper tantrum, which is to be expected. I really don't understand.

So here I am with this sweet, cute, amazing boy that no one can stand because they can't possibly understand him. I'm fairly sure the school is an inch from booting him for behaviors that I just can't possibly see as that bad. I'm an inch away from pulling him away from all the negativity and doing homeschool. I firmly believe that the only way to teach him is 100% positivity. He's not gaining any confidence from school whatsoever. He constantly says he's dumb and can't do it. He's even taken to hitting himself in the forehead when he makes mistakes. He's like his father and I. We both qualify to join Mensa! This boy needs only positivity in his life and apparently his father and I are the only ones able and willing to give him that.

I guess I just need reassurance. For what, I don't know. But I guess I'm running out of shoulders to cry on.

[MX2012]

Sounds like you are the adult in the room. Did you take a list of behaviors and tactics to the school so they would recognize and react appropriately, or are they just treating him like a cog in a wheel like everybody else?

Too bad about your mom, I suspect that when she was a teacher they did things differently.

What is your husband's opinion?

Venting is good, clears the air..... take care

[SquarePeg]

it´s good to have a vent when things are getting on top of you. The button chewing thing? well my son doesn´t do this type of thing but when I lived in the UK many "normal" kids in class chewed their collar, buttons or sleeves. Personally I think it´s an anxiety thing, your poor child is not happy at school. Calling himself "dumb" - no child should be made to feel like that (I understand this one as my child think´s he is stupid because of remarks from teachers who should know better).

Shame your mom can´t help, it may be because it´s a grandmother/grandchild relationship with different boundaries rather than him being so difficult.

ADHD kids are often seen as "bad seeds" because too most people they just look like badly behaved brats and people can´t believe they can´t control their behaviour. (I was guilty of this before I had an ADD child).

My son´s old school in the UK had a great idea for all kids. A couple of times a day, before class they were let out into the playground for just a few short minutes to run around the playground and scream as loud as they wanted to. THus, they entered class having rid themselves of excess engery and more able to concentrate.

It´s hard for ADHD kids to control their impulses, sometimes they just need a minute to step outside the classroom and get rid of their energy.

[Dovie]

Thanks so much for the comments. To answer mx2012's question, he's just as upset as I am about this whole situation.

We actually had a long and involved talk about homeschooling today and it looks like with our current lifestyle it would work so much better for all of us. We are moving into a full time rv situation this weekend if all goes well. We had looked everywhere for a nice park close to our jobs and his school. Nothing fit all three requirements. But at least the one we picked will be close to our jobs and give us more family time every day. As it is we see each other in passing. Going from sahm to working opposite shifts has taken it's toll on us as a family.

Still, he has a behavioral disability and all the social awkwardness that comes with it. I don't know if taking him away from school is in his best interest for that alone. That said, I'm fairly sure all he gets from school is that he's the bad kid and all the other kids make fun of him for it so...

[Lunacie]

So sorry to read so many things going badly for you . . .

. . . especially that the school isn't following your son's BIP.

I'm not sure what that is, but I know with an IEP the school HAS to follow it.


My granddaughter has been chewing her collars and cuffs since 1st grade.

Her teacher last year bought some plastic drinking straws and encouraged

her to chew on those instead of her clothes.

That's the only good idea that teacher seems to have had.

By the end of the year, my g-daughter was throwing horrible tantrums
and we moved her to a school for kids with behavior issues.

It's a shame because she was doing so well in 2nd and 3rd grades with
a wonderful spec ed teacher. She's stiill struggling at the new school.

[LynneC]

Dovie, if you decide to homeschool, be sure to start a thread about it. There are members here who have homeschooled and will be able to offer tips...

[sarahsweets]

Is there any other disorder's present?