Recently diagnosed adult? Share your story!

[LordranBound]

I'll start with mine:

My life with ADD has been more about my co-morbid issues than my ADD, since I only really started seeing myself through that perspective a few years ago. The first half of my life was plagued by severe anxiety and OCD, and the second half, depression.

As far as I've come to figure out, much of my anxiety was caused by the pressure I put on myself to perform at a high level despite my ADD. My dad was pretty harsh on me growing up; I felt like failing just wasn't an option. I can remember my 6th grade teacher saying, "You're so anxious! You're going to have an ulcer at 16!" (Thanks for that, teach. Think you could've helped me instead of just making me worry more?)

My depressions was probably from a lot of things, but in this context, it was the battle to figure out why I was so much more anxious than everyone else. And failing that battle, hitting wall after wall, took it's toll. I thought a lot about suicide and what life as I was living was worth. Medication and therapy gradually helped both the anxiety and depression, the puzzle just didn't make sense until ADD came in. I continually asked the hallmark ADD question: "What's wrong with me? Why am I so different from everyone else?"

I've always had some classic symptoms - I frequently get lost, lose things all the time, hyperfocus, etc. But I guess because of my high level of performance, ADD wasn't considered. Despite succeeding in some areas of my life, however I was so miserable. I had 'done everything right' but still was unhappy. (Oh yeah, add that to the pile of depression).

Suffice it to say, learning that I had ADD and coming to understand it and how it has affected me has been a huge change for the better. And it came just in time since my wife is expecting our second and there's no way I could've dealt with parenting as I was. I still have a lot to learn, and I still have plenty of bad days (and weeks and months) but for the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that I'm optimistic about my future. And that, in itself, fills me with awe and joy.

[rockydaydreamer]

I'm 24 and was diagnosed a few months ago (see my signature at the bottom). I had learned about developmental disorders and the topic of adhd came up and as I looked more into it, I saw it more in myself. While I had read about adhd once before in a book on natural remedies (this was a little over a decade ago), I had some doubt that it was an actual disorder. However, I always felt that I was different from other people.

I didn't talk till I was 2 and a half and I remember talking excessively ever since I was 4 years old. I would talk at people, butt into conversations, interrupt by blurting out whatever came to mind, etc. I had messy handwriting and either carelessly rushed through assignments or would forget to complete them.

I felt really restless while at the Spanish/English speaking SDA Reform church I went to because I just wanted to get outside and play with the other kids, but my dad wouldn't let me because that would be breaking the Sabbath. Interestingly, if the sermon was in English, I liked it better. Probably because most of my week was spent around predominantely english-speaking kids at school and my dad was the only one who talked to me in Spanish. I'm an only child because my mom is schizophrenic and had her tubes tied. I had a sheltered life, I'm not sure if it's because of my strict dad, my lack of interest in people, or both.

[weepygonzales]

I'm 20. I went to see a shrink, expecting her to diagnose with depression, something like that, and she suggested that I might have ADHD. This was completely out of left field. I just thought my forgetfulness, sensory issues, difficulty listening, inability to be interested in something for longer than five minutes, ad infinitum, I didn't know that it was actually a diagnosable issue. I just went into try to get some antidepressants. I went home and told my mom and she was skeptical at first, but she got thinking and decided that that was totally the problem with me.

[Seravance]

I've had problems in school most of my life. In elementary school, I got in trouble a lot for daydreaming, talking, singing, and basically just being contrary and not listening to a word I was told. My mom homeschooled me from fifth grade to ninth and I always tested really well on the standardized tests for homeschoolers. I was testing at a college level for everything in eighth grade, so when I went back to public school in tenth grade, my mom and I were both shocked because I couldn't pass their tests. I was put in ninth grade academic classes for one semester (which I slept through and still made straight A's) until a guidance counselor got to know me enough that she gave me another chance at the tests and, once I studied, I passed with flying colors and was put into eleventh grade honors classes...which I slept through (or read through) because I was bored. So I still got in trouble a lot. But I did really well anyway.

College...is a different story. I succeeded in community college before I left home to attend a university, but once I left, I started doing very poorly. I've basically been failing out of classes for three years now, only passing a few and sometimes only because professors feel sorry for me. I'm doing slightly better than I used to, but not much. I keep transferring schools too. Four schools in five years (took a year off after the first university failure). I know the material, or if I don't, I can learn it, I just can't seem to care about it. That's why I fail, not because I'm unintelligent.

I have a hard time making friends, I'm very anxious all the time, I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes, I'm severely depressed, and I have no hobbies or interests. I've attempted suicide more than once and this last time, my boyfriend told me that I had to go to counseling or he would leave, because he couldn't deal with putting me back together yet again. I'm pretty sure that was an idle threat, but I wanted to make him feel better. So I did that, but I hated it and stopped going after a month, but I promised him and myself that I would go to a psychiatrist "soon." Five months later, I finally have and she surprised me by saying I might have ADD and she was going to give me Adderall (along with Prozac, mind you, she didn't ignore that severe depression I mentioned).

I've been feeling so much better since I started taking the medications (only five days ago) and I keep waiting to feel that inevitable "crash" and to be consumed by my depression again, but I feel great right now so hopefully it won't come! I've been incredibly productive at work and home, which is amazing. Not so much at school yet. I mean, I'm productive and I pay attention, but I can't seem to find the motivation to do my homework before I absolutely have to. I'm hoping I can get a handle on that. I want to be one of those people that gets papers done weeks before they are due! So I'm very much a work in progress, but I do feel better about myself in the past few days than I have in...maybe ever.

Sorry for the long post! I tend to ramble...
By the way, I'm 23. I think I forgot to mention that.

[Verile]

Originally Posted by weepygonzales

I'm 20. I went to see a shrink, expecting her to diagnose with depression, something like that, and she suggested that I might have ADHD. This was completely out of left field. I just thought my forgetfulness, sensory issues, difficulty listening, inability to be interested in something for longer than five minutes, ad infinitum, I didn't know that it was actually a diagnosable issue. I just went into try to get some antidepressants. I went home and told my mom and she was skeptical at first, but she got thinking and decided that that was totally the problem with me.

Damn, you're lucky. That's really fortunate for you. I went in to get treated for ADHD and everyone kept trying to treat me for depression.

[weepygonzales]

Originally Posted by Verile

Damn, you're lucky. That's really fortunate for you. I went in to get treated for ADHD and everyone kept trying to treat me for depression.

Oh, I know. I'm so glad I went to the woman I did. She seems really smart and observant. I've heard some serious horror stories about psychologists.

[fracturedstory]

The first ten years of my life were about me. I didn't see much importance in talking to my family other than 'give me that' or 'I want that' or Nooooo [insert terrible older siblings name here]' followed by torrential sobbing.
I was a day dreamer of the most severe kind. Preferring that world from reality.
I did poorly in school but it never affected me emotionally. I would look at my report card which displayed my scores in a thermometer image, or measuring beaker. And I would follow the line where the liquid was that showed where my progress was and move my finger up to the top, where most other kids scores were. Then I coloured the image in red.

I got such labels as 'late bloomer', 'deaf', 'vague', 'there's always one in the group' and constantly told 'Earth to Shanti.' Hmm, I wonder if that's why I prefer to see myself as an alien. I used to imagine myself in a spacesuit floating slowly back down to earth when they said that.

My general knowledge was pretty much behind, not that it bothered me. I watched films and TV a lot and came up with my own stories I'd see in my mind, or act out in my backyard, much to the confusion of my nosy neighbours.

I had one ability I had over other kids, and some adults: art. I would draw for hours and hours. Back then it was just about enjoying the time drawing than being the perfectionist I am today.

Fast forward to teenage years. I was becoming aware of how behind I was in school yet it still didn't bother me. I would show apathy to teachers who said such things as 'pull your socks up' after I imitated the act, literally and if a teacher ever tried to push me to do my work I'd answer with defiance. They can't tell me what to do if I leave was what I eventually decided with barely 11 months of school attendance.

My own social awareness and emotional insecurities didn't start to come to the surface until my mid teen years. It was a whole lot of things. I still didn't have friends of my own. I only knew one boy from ages 0-9 and he moved away. When I was 14 I decided to hang out with the kids at youth group. I still didn't say much but now I was becoming aware of people making fun of me. People telling me what I was thinking and mocking me. I hated that. When I eventually started to speak I'd make sure no one would ever make assumptions about me again.

So, I should get into my ADHD symptoms now, eh? I've always had focus problems. I could never understand my school work. But I wasn't interested enough to feel insecure about it. I never asked teachers for help too. I at least knew that it would make me look weak. I hardly remembered anything and I think that showed up the worst in math tests. I still remember when I actually tried hard and got 33/100.

Teachers worried about me, thought I was sexually abused. Thought I was really delicate and unstable. I hung out with kids and told them what music they should be listening to. I dated a guy I felt nothing for. I stayed on the school oval well passed class bell. I was more interested in what my 'friends' got up to than class work. I used to visit the Primary school area where my friend's who was in a grade higher than me (my actual grade - they held me back because I was homeschooled before) younger brother and sister were. I used to monitor them, note how they had music classes after school, and I'd just be like 'why?' I was very much perplexed yet interested in how people were into different things than me.
But basically, while people worried about me I was thinking I was as average as the other kids. I was with the bad kids, the jokers. I always thought kids meant it when they complained about school, and it had to do with getting grades as bad as me. But only a few of us got sent to remedial, where we'd giggle and pass notes to each other. Once time though, the whole grade 7 got put into remedial. It must have been this new initiative to train us from the bottom up. They were teaching 12 and 13 year olds the alphabet! So of course we stopped playing attention and just mucked around. Suddenly the whole class became gifted, even the anti-particle of gifted (me).

I was having problems at home after leaving that school. My mum and sister were so close because they actually paid attention in church. I was so bored and restless. I'd draw, throw my matchbox cars all over the place, and get constantly shushed by both mother and sister.
Then when I started to pay attention things only got a little bit better. I'd read and listen and then I'd forget. I would constantly check the clock so I could count down to the moment where I'd get me some hot chips saturated in tomato sauce. Such a meal would put in into a brain coma now.

When I became an adult my interests got more ambitious. My brother said he could get me a place at IBM after I finished some courses. When I was a couple years in he thought I'd be programming by now. Yeah right. I constantly needed help with writing code. I'd read the code like a mixed up jigsaw puzzle and get so tired about having to re-write it. I was better at HTML. I was better at web design. I wanted to be a 3D animator. At the start of my next course I just wanted to be a band photographer. So I did.

Early 20s, still have the same level of social skills I had since I was 10, constantly feeling stressed by my defiance toward authority in the form of venue security and road managers. Playing dumb was getting tiring.
Enter the boy. We hit it off. I'm totally into him but don't think he's into me. OK, I was wrong. He's brilliant, a programmer, well knowledgeable about various topics. I feel insecure about not knowing as much as him. I feel insecure about not having a damn clue about what to do in the relationship. Oh God, why is he suddenly cleaning like a p*ssed off house wife? He's very conversational with his friends. I want to be like them. I develop severe social anxiety. I develop PMDD without even knowing what it's about. But at certain times I'm just angry and then depressed and then just fine.
He breaks it off. PMDD almost takes me. And severe social anxiety, now including daily panic attacks or every time my ex texts me. And all that break-up stress and misery.

I get diagnosed with Asperger's. Social anxiety fizzles out. I employ some coping mechanisms. I focus more on my interests though I'm still trying to make and keep friends.
Then I realise I get exhausted easily and have the poorest memory of anyone with AS I know. I find a book about ADHD on sale. I'm interested in knowing more because I know a boy at church with ADHD. Two pages in - holy sh** that's me!

Er, sorry for the length. I hope I mentioned some things related to ADHD in there. I never really noticed anything different about me until I started integrating with people my age. When I was 22 I got a slap in the face of awareness. And now that I'm diagnosed and educated on 2 main neurological disorders, medicated for one, have coping strategies for both, and understand my brain at least a bit better, I've probably gone back to being that child completely absorbed in their own world. I'm just more aware of the world now.

[lalapin]

I initially went to a psychologist for anxiety issues, which was cured pretty quickly, but she felt something was wrong with me and digged very deep and asked me 10000000 questions in about 10 sessions, she gave me specific tasks to do each week and then when i came back to her office i had to explain what i could not acheive and why, etc, and only then "boom"! : "You have ADHD..." So she gave me a letter explaining all my symptoms so i could give it to my dr.

I alwAys kind of knew i had impulse control/ attention problems, teachers/friends/family members always told me and stuff but i never looked into getting diagnosed.... It just came to me!

The meds help so much with most of the symptoms! What a relief, i view myself in a much more positive way now that i know i was not crazy/slow/stupid etc.

[danelady]

Is 58 considered an adult...or is it so far around the bend,who cares?

I am going in for my first eval in about a week,I am working my way up to the part of the country where the doc I'm going to see is.

Here is my life....great plans,great beginnings, but could never connect all the dots. Could not figure out how to carry out the plans I tried to make for my life and just kept dropping the ball.

When I am out amongst the population I don't see myself as even being of the same planet. I have nothing whatsoever in common with people I find myself next to...even other truck drivers.

To young people,I'm old. To old people I'm a loser. To other losers I'm competition.

Well,I will let you know what happens at the drs!

[LordranBound]

I wish we could all hang out and swap stories, but without the stupid weirdness that would be there in the beginning. I wish there was some pill I could take that would make me feel like I do when I have a great buzz (alcohol) and don't have all my social barriers up. Of course without the whole 'impairment' of booze.

Sometimes I think think that if there is some sort of heaven then it would be like this: everyone would have all their hangups taken away from them and all their communication differences. And then we could all just shoot the bull, crying with each other's miseries, laughing with each other's missteps and just marveling about how alike we all are at the core.

Sorry, I guess that's an aside.

[kelsiemay77]

I'm 28 years old and finally got a preliminary diagnosis of ADHD-inattentive yesterday after being bounced around from Dr. to Dr. and diagnosis to diagnosis for OVER 20 YEARS. I struggled in school starting from first grade (although my mom says it was even before that that she noticed things) on. I have no concentration skills whatsoever, never did any homework, constantly daydream, procrastinate like crazy, have poor time management, have the worst short term memory, etc. I had teachers yell at me, put me in time out for not doing my homework and embarrass me by saying I lied about why I wasn't doing homework. I was constantly told "you're so bright! Why don't you do the work?" and "You just need to focus more," and "You'll never get anywhere in life if you don't put more effort into your schoolwork." The frustration it caused trying to manage everyday life combined with the hurtful things I was told made me depressed and angry at times, and my parents took me to see psychiatrists who told me they "didn't know what I have" but it "could be bipolar disorder or a mood disorder" so I was pumped full of anti-depressants and mood stabilizers instead of medication I actually needed to help my brain focus. While those pills helped my mood, I was still struggling with managing my life and organizing my thoughts. Eventually, I had friends try to convince me that my parents were wrong for taking me to psychiatrists, because "obviously it's just teenage hormones. You're normal." So, for the longest time (8 years) I went untreated because I was convinced this was all temporary and all my parents' fault.

Flash forward to recent times (within the past year). My boyfriend of 5 years knew about my past, and noticed (and was frustrated) that I couldn't manage my own finances, couldn't concentrate at all during "intimate times," had poor time management and would forget important things all the time. We would get in fights about it daily. Finally I told him that I needed to seek help again, and he told me he would absolutely be supportive the whole way. I sucked it up and called a psychiatrist. She told me she was shocked about my prior bipolar diagnosis, because I don't exhibit ANY of the main symptoms except anxiety and mild mood issues. I mentioned that I wondered if I have maybe had ADHD this whole time, and she initially balked and said she didn't think I did, but she would send me to a clinical psychologist to take an assessment.

One night recently I Googled "ADHD" and found this forum. I read several accounts of people who live with it, and my jaw dropped - it was like I was reading my own life story over and over again! I was absolutely shocked and amazed. In fact I was so overcome with emotion that I burst into tears...of relief, sudden realization and anger over my past diagnosis and over the fact that my teachers and guidance counselor in school just said I was a "bad seed who didn't care about my life."

I met with the psychologist yesterday and she was absolutely wonderful. She was totally empathetic to my situation and past, and was honestly shocked about what I've gone through. She told me that from what she's heard about my past and how young I was when I started struggling, I seem to be a textbook case of ADHD! Of course that's a preliminary diagnosis, because they can't officially diagnose me until I take the 3 hour assessment. But she said just from our interview she can tell that I have ADHD-Inattentive. The heavens have opened up - I'm finally getting the answers I've been needing my whole life!

Today my psychiatrist prescribed me Adderall (15mg). I keep staring at the bottle next to me wondering where it's gonna take me. I know it's not a miracle cure, but I hope it can at least help me turn my life around and be a happy, organized individual!

[TheRealShow]

The way I found out I have ADD is so weird. It was September 23rd, just over a month ago. The week before that, I had strep throat. My doc put me on penicillin, which is the first time I'd taken antibiotics since my childhood.

The penicillin did amazing things. In fact, it was the best week of my entire life. I was motivated to clean my house, do the dishes, walk the dog, cook dinner and do my homework for five hours straight - I had clear, focused energy and slept great. I was organized, clean, doing everything that was required of me and still had more motivation and ability to focus on additional things of interest as well.

I was so excited to feel this way because my whole life has been focused on getting to this point - I've always wanted to feel like this and live like this.

I started looking up on the internet why penicillin was making me feel this way and I found absolutely nothing at all. My mom suggested I ask my friend Meg, who is a clinical counselor, to see if she knew about why a medication like penicillin would affect me that way.

I talked to Meg and she said most people have no reaction to penicillin, but if they do, they say it makes them feel jittery and anxious, like a stimulant. I told her my experience and she began asking me questions and finally told me in her opinion I had a classic, textbook case of ADD, primarily inattentive type. I thought, no way, because I didn't understand what ADD is.

But then I started researching it and I was SHOCKED at how much the description and symptoms of ADD described me. Suddenly my entire life made sense. I cried and cried just out of relief that I wasn't a failure and that I didn't have some intrinsic character flaw, which is what I always thought about myself.

I saw another counselor and a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with combined type ADHD a few weeks ago. He prescribed me Straterra but when I went home and researched Straterra and read about people's experiences with it, I decided there was no way that I was going to take it. I have another appt. with him this Thursday and I'm hoping he'll prescribe Adderall but I'm worried he wont because of my history of experimental drug use and alcohol abuse.

The process since getting diagnosed has been equally relieving, exciting, and frustrating. I have encountered nurses and counselors who don't really seem to care about me or my condition and who are condescending to me. I do feel really alone and stressed about getting help. I feel misunderstood and uncared for. I'm really hoping my psych can help me and I'm still trying to get a good support system.

This site has been so helpful and also my mom has been incredibly supportive. She talks to me on the phone every day (I don't live near her) and even though she doesn't know anything about ADD, she is researching it and she is helping me through the emotions of the diagnosis.

So this is all new for me and I'm hopeful to get treatment but still worried that it might be a long, painful process. My psych mentioned something about a six-month alcohol-free timeframe before prescribing stims which I understand, but I'm halfway through my last semester of undergrad and I'm slipping badly in all my classes. Also I have to start applying for internships and I feel so unprepared because as always, I can't devote any extra attention to things other the immediate basics of life.

I need help ASAP because of the timing of things right now, so that's an added pressure. But overall I am so happy to finally understand why my life has never felt right, and why I can't seem to live like other people.

[blaise0604]

well ive always known i had some sort of learning disability. for a while i thought i was dyslexic and i do carry some dyslexic traits like mixing up the letters b,d, or p when writing. but not till towards the end of college when everything seemed harder than it should be.

i could not pass classes to save my life! for example i had one class i took three times!!! the third time i worked with a study group i became one of the leading members who called everyone to meet and even worked examples for the other people in the group. when the finals came everyone who studied with me passed and well i failed! i had to write a sad letter to my professor saying how i will have to drop my major since i can only take a class maximum of 3 times before being dropped from the program (he passed me).

at this point i thought add was only affecting my school but come close to graduation and finding a job it was hitting me hard. applying for jobs became tough and i kept making stupid mistakes like forgetting to attach my resume on emails to employers. then when i had to get whatever job i could get and became a restaurant host i kept getting called out by my manager about how unfocused i am and keep nagging me about why i cant remember to do things.

also my relationship with my 4 year gf has been getting rocky since well she is graduated, has a career job she loves, and is living on her own and well im a kid with add and she doesnt understand because since she works hard and is really smart she doesnt believe that i have anything to blame but myself and that i am just unmotivated and lazy. that and i cant balance my life well enough to spend enough time with her.

the last straw however was when my parents called me saying why i left the front door open for 12 hours!!!! the night before i went outside to call my girlfriend went back to the house without realizing the door was still open and when my parents came home the next day it was just completely open. with my post grad life in shambles since im unemployed, living at home with my parents, a civil engineer graduate with an in ability to pay attention to detail, an engineering training license test coming that i could not for the life of me study, a girlfriend who hates me for not being there, and the door accident my parents finally thought to themselves that i may have a focus and memory problem (ugh i told them before but they where all like well since you know what you are not doing why dont you just do them! and im like i dont know!!! lol anyways...) so they made an appointment for me to see a doctor.

Even though i suspected it before i didnt really accept it as fact till now. for awhile i was a l ittle down about it thinking damn it i have something wrong with me why! why! why! then an internal struggle trying not to keep blaming adhd for my stupid mistakes. that had to stop however because i realized that it was either accept that i am just a be a dumb lazy idiot or just a man struggling with adhd. i chose the the second one because **** THAT! i am no idiot! ya my grades arent that high but damn it i am not graduating with a civil engineering degree from a pretty good and well known school for engineers if i was a lazy idiot! i did the best i could do while i had these quirks. so i learn to accept it as it is.

I saw my doctor last week and the tests are in and well i have adhd and an active arousal something problem meaning signals arent being sent fast enough to my brain to process right away. making an appointment to see another doctor for therapy and medication.

i dont know if it will help me get my life together but i really hope so.