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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 10-02-12, 11:39 AM
chattycathy chattycathy is offline
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letting go

Hi,

I would really appreciate it if you'd read this and let me know what you think.

Ok. So I consider myself to be obsessive. It seems as if I am always obsessed with something.
And now I am scared that my obsession is going to get worse.
Object of obsession: my driving instructor. I enjoyed talking to him and I felt a click with him and it got me thinking wheter I should try and become friends with him after I pass the exam. This caused anxiety. Part of me was scared that I would want to become friends with him but that I wouldnt have the guts to tell him this. And an other part of me got scared because I have a hard time letting things go and that I think too much and that I would become too obsessive with my driving instructor.

Almost two weeks a go I passed my driving exam and got my licensce (yeah). Some weeks before I was allowed to take the test, I started telling myself that even though I think that my driving instructor is a nice person, I do not want to try and build up a friendship after he is done teaching me because I just want to live in the present and accept the fact that people come and go.
This because my gut feeling was telling me that the chances are very small that it will work out. And that because of the anxiety that I still have a bit, it wouldnt be a 'healty' friendship and that it will be beter for me to focus on my new life ( I have gone back to university).
Also, I felt we had a good time. And that I would want to remember it like that.

What bugs me is that it keeps going through my head but I feel like it has lost its connection to reality.
Like: when I had the driving lessons, I enjoyed them, but it wasnt as if they were so great that I would definitly have to try to keep seeing him.
And I dont miss him.
I know that he'll never become a big part of my life.
I know that he wont add much to my life because i just feel that the chances of us having a friendship is very small.

Its just that I cant let it go. Because I think and think and think.

To end it positivily: knowing my driving instructor was great. It made me face a lot of my anxieties, but now I want to prevent this obsession from getting a life of its own.

Can anybody relate to this?
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Old 10-02-12, 01:26 PM
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sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
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Re: letting go

He doesn't seem right for you in your current mental state.
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Old 10-02-12, 11:41 PM
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Zevispaz Zevispaz is offline
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Re: letting go

I can't say I have really obsessed or stalked people I didn't really know that well. A couple times I've looked up people I've just met on facebook or linkedin, then I feel like a creeper, and can never bring myself to send a friend request. It's really bizarre, I just can't do it unless they mention being facebook friends in a real conversation first or I feel like I'm intruding or coming on too strong.

But I do obsess over social faux pas when I make them. At first it's like "Oh they didn't even care, no big deal. They've got a full schedule, I highly doubt they even gave it much of a thought". Then I hyper focus about it as it gets closer to running into them again, and I wonder what they are thinking. Then it spirals out of control into a huge ball of anxiety. Logic all derails to "Oh god, I did this one thing last week, I bet its ALL they thought about all freaking week. They probably hate me and think I'm weird". I get no sleep the night before I know we're going to run into each other again. Then by the time I run into them again, they're lucky if I can manage a "hello". It always takes a few minutes for it to sink in that they aren't upset or if they were they no longer care. Then I'm fine again.

I think obsessing and hyperfocusing kind of just come with adhd territory. I wouldn't worry about it, as long as you don't act on it.
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