What's the point?

[Sazzums]

I'm single, no kids, live alone, no friends (I'm not kidding. I actually have no friends). Ok job - but nothing fantastic, can't keep a relationship, and really don't see the point in getting better when this is what I have to look forward to in my life. No relationship = no one to grow old with = lonely and miserable in my old age.
I just think it would be more benificial to die young before I get to a point where I regret my life and have no family and die alone.

I don't see the point.

[sarek]

I got into my first real relationship at age 44. I wasnt even looking. She came almost literally walking around a(digital) corner.

So don't ever think there is no hope. I thought exactly the way you do. I went into the same old litany about 'no one wants me/needs me/loves me/I shall die alone etc.'

But you just don't know. You just never know what life will bring your way.

[sarahsweets]

You need to seek help from a therapist or other place. If you have treatment don't you think things will improve?

[Sazzums]

I'm on antidepressants, but for the past 2 years (at least) I've made a promise to myself that if I'm still like this when I'm 30, I won't see another birthday.

[sarahsweets]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Fuzzy12]

Sazz, I keep asking myself the same question and I've got an amazing husband, don't long for friends, too much family and a job that I theoretically love.

My point is that when you are depressed it doesn't matter what you have got because it won't make you feel much better (though not having those things might exacerbate your depression). Conversely, if you aren't depressed there are enough little things in life that can give you moments of bliss that make life worth living.

Clinical depression very rarely depends on your circumstances. If you aren't happy with your life it can trigger depression but when you are depressed you can neither appreciate the little things nor the bigger things that would otherwise make you happy.

My best advice to beat depression (apart from anti depressants) is to find something that you truly love and that will give you every day something to look forward to. Like an interest or a hobby. For me, my world could be falling apart, but when I'm playing the piano or walking in the mountains I'm so happy that I just don't care about anything else.

So please get some treatment for your depression. If you've been on your anti depressant for two years then maybe it's time to change meds or to increase the dose. Also, keep in mind that many anti depressants can increase suicidal ideation, so that could be your problem too.

I'm 34 and I've been severely depressed for pretty much the last decade. But I know that there are good things out there. I don't know if I'll ever be in a place mentally where I can enjoy them but I know they exist. I know nothing about death. What if it's worse? What if it's nothing? Whatever it is, even if you are miserable for the next 50-60 years it's nothing compared to the eternity that you will spend dead anyway. Err..hope I'm making sense. I mean, that option is always there but once you take it there's no return. Aren't you curious to know what else life has in store for you? I can't promise you that your future is bright and happy but I can say that most likely it's going to be more interesting than being dead.

I suffer from a bad case of suicidal ideation (made worse by my anti depressants, I think) but I've still got hope that someday my live will not just be better than death but will actually be good. It could happen. Who knows? You'll never know unless you live it. And if being dead is your ultimate aim anyway, you've got nothing to lose by hanging on a bit longer.

I don't mean to trivialise your problems but any of your issues could change any time. 30 isn't old. So many people don't meet their life partner till much later. It has its advantages too. If it hasn't happened yet, there is no reason for it not to happen. And even if it never happens there is no reason to think that you will not find some day something that is worth living for. (This isn't the post for it, but is there any reason why you think you are always going to be alone?)

I had lots of friends when I was younger now I've got none except for online friends. But that doesn't mean that I'll never make a real friend again. In fact, some of the online friends I've made have actually made the transition into real friends.

Sorry, if I'm preaching. I don't mean to pep talk you. But please believe me that I can relate.There are so many days when I think I just can't be bthered to be alive anymore. But then I'm hanging on to the hope that things might change. Besides, I'm too curious to see what is going to happen.

Even in the depth of my depression there are fleeting moments of joy (more now that I'm on anti depressants). Some of them last just for a few fractions of a second but it's those moments that make life worth living and it's those moments that I wouldn't want to miss if I was dead.

Sorry for the length of the post.

[Sazzums]

You aren't preaching, I should of probably made a couple of things clearer:
I haven't been on my fluox for 2 years, I only really got diagnoised in January. I started my fluoxetine around mid February. But for two years (before I knew I had depression) I have made this promise to myself.

I know 30 isn't old, but there are a few things that factor into 30 being my 'cut off' age. I want to be a mother, but I Refuse to have children after 30 (don't ask why, I just feel that way) but I don't want to just 'have a baby' I want the whole married, then have a baby thing. I know that if I don't get to have children, I will deeply regret it in my old age. I also know that I have a high chance of getting Alzheimer's, so again, don't want to end up old and alone, because add that to not being able to remember things, and Im just going to end up wasting away.
I don't want to be in a position where I rely on a stranger to look after me, because I have no family to do so.
I don't want to be an old lady that just wastes away. I would rather die young before I deteriorate.
The problem is, I am extremely stubborn, and if I make up my mind, thenthere is no changing it. My sister gets furious about some things I decided when I was 13, that I still stick to in my adult life.



I just don't want to die old and alone. I'd rather choose how and when I die than just beg for the day to come as I near the end.

[SquarePeg]

I think it would be helpful to see a qualified therapist, not a counselor.

You have a definate life plan, but the things you have chosen ie married and kids are things you can´t plan and now you are worried that if these things don´t happen within a certain time then there is no hope.

Sometimes depression is a lifelong battle but we do need hope that things will improve. There are different meds and different therapies to try, it might not radically change your life but help you to "view" things differently and change your way of being in this world.

Once upon a time in my life I was at the stage where I doubted that I would see the weekend, I had plans to exit this life. I am so glad I had a tiny spark inside of me that wanted to recover.

sending you hugs x