My husband has ADD...

[bright eyes]

I have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years. Overall, we get along great but when he gets distracted, forgets what we're talking about, I apparently lose my patience. I'll admit that I do sometimes....He also tends to leave messes in the kitchen, ice cube trays out, crumbs on the counter, stove and oven on...etc.

I'm at my wits end...I really don't know what to do. It has been a stressful semester at school and in the new year my husband is moving up north to work. I am determined that in the next semester to learn about some strategies to help him out but I don't know where to start. I have asked him before but he doesn't seem to know either.

Any ideas where to start? Any insight would be helpful...I'm also just looking for someone to vent to, who knows what I'm going through.

[Swamp Donkey]

First, is your husband actually diagnosed as having ADD by a Dr., or do you just suspect that he has it?
Second, Does he accept the diagnosis, or is he in denial?
Third, Is he willing to "deal" with ADD and change himself, or does he expect everyone else to put up with him as he is with no effort on his part.

If he's diagnosed, accepting and willing to work then I'd suggest to start by reading some books on ADD together. He can learn what his strengths and weaknesses are, and what he can (and can't) do to manage his ADD.
By "can't do" I mean things like trying to pay attention...I mean, yes, he needs to try, but some ways work and some don't.
You both can learn about how his mind works, and what his strengths and limitations are.
If he's open to change, you can suggest this forum to him, and you can learn a tremendous amount about ADD just by reading here.
You don't have to accept immature or childish behavior. You don't have to accept rudeness or being mistreated.
He may not be able to remember to turn the stove off, but you can probably devise a way to do it, like setting a timer whenever he turns a burner on, and turning the burner off immediately when the timer goes off.
I used to live an an apartment with an electric stove; no matter how hard I tried, even if I read the label on the knob saying "Right Rear" I could still turn the wrong burner on! So, I had to train myself to stand there after I turned the burner on and hold my hand over it until I felt it get warm to make sure it was the right burner. Unfortunately, all to often I'd tell my self that this time I wasn't going to mix it up, so there was no need to check with my hand....yeah right.
Now I have a gas stove, so I watch/listen for the flame to light.

[bright eyes]

Swamp Donkey...thanks for your reply. My husband was diagnosed as a child with ADD and took medication. He stopped taking Ritalin when he was getting out of elementary school and hasn't felt the need to take any since. He just recently started a sampler pack from the doctor because he's noticed his symptoms getting worse (feels it may be stress of moving up north?). Its only been a week and we won't be living together anymore in a week so I will be unable to notice any drastic changes.

I've never spent a significant amount of time with an adult who has ADD, and he doesn't know much about ADD either so I recently went to the library and picked up a whole bunch of books. He's very open to reading the books and trying out ways to make life easier for him, as well as myself.

Are there any books that you read that you would recommend?

Thanks again, look forward to hearing from you again.
bright eyes

[Swamp Donkey]

I'd say that "Driven to Distraction" is my favorite. Its written by 2 Dr.s who both have ADD and who both treat people with ADD, so they have a good grasp of what they're talking about. Also, the book is written in plain english--its very, very easy to read with no incomprehensible technical jargon and confusing diagnostic stuff.
I'm so glad to hear that he *is* open minded and not in denial about ADD. It just breaks my heart to read about what some of the women here have to put up with in terms of undiagnosed partners who are also in denial.

[Tara]

Journeys through ADDulthood by Sari Solden is a great book about adults with ADD.