Too many variables... I feel like I'm losing it

[Beekeeper]

Venting. However, if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open.

I have had an insane week. I was pretty busy to begin with, I had scheduled myself a little tight but no more than I knew I could handle. I had made sure to not overbook so that I had no free time at all, I know better.

Then my web server got hacked. So, all that free time? Cleaning up a dozen websites. Stressing out because I have this client and that client calling, emailing, asking WTF is going on. I have one client that is particularly stressful to begin with, then add in that they are technologically challenged and I have to talk them out of falling for phishing scams all the time... That client is a lot of work when things are going smoothly, let alone when something like this happens.

Add on top of this that DH is on a run of prednisone and is being a total bear. And expecting me in the midst of my web server mess to do most of his work for him. Which I screwed some up so bad that he asked me to call pdoc because "either the meds aren't working or they're making you worse, you've never made a mistake like this." This was yesterday. It was Friday after 5, so I emailed. Then had a good cry.

I didn't get enough sleep this week. The methylphenidate booster makes me dizzy and out of it, so I haven't taken it. But I still felt dizzy and out of it Thursday (when I screwed up the stuff for DH) and yesterday.

I have had so much more patience since I went on meds. That patience has been nonexistent this week. I'm even sniping at the dogs.

The house is a wreck. I'm going to have to redo a load of towels because I left them in the washer from early yesterday. And you know what? I'm a little angry, but in an angry way, I don't give a f***.

I've done a LOT this week, gotten a lot of things (and good things) done. Why do I feel like s***?

Sleep deprivation? Stress? Meds needing to be upped/changed? Other? I'm so freaked out.

[SquarePeg]

wooah slow down. Ok it´s been a hideous week but next week´s a new week. Having your server hacked was a major spanner in the works and demanded all of your precious resources to solve. Technical know how, concentration, people skills to deal with client, time etc and then DH running out of meds.

He can´t blame you for screwing up, why did he run out of meds? I think it´s a case of overload, don´t be so hard on yourself.

It´s hard enough to cope with a normal week let alone having 2 major incidents, it´s enough to throw anyone completely off.

I´ve made an airline reservation for my husband and put the destination and departure the wrong way round and didn´t notice (surprise surprise) it ended up costs over 500 euros. I´ve messed up airline bookings quite a few times.

Next week will be better xx

[keliza]

I'm sorry to hear that the week has been so rough for you. I think your thread title hit the nail on the head, though - there are a lot of variables at play here, a perfect storm so to speak, and most of them have been completely out of your hands. Your meds changing with unpredictable side effects, your husband's minor roid rage, the server being hacked... none of those things are your fault. They're just things that happen in life, and this time around, unfortunately, they all happened at the same time.

Take a deep breath. Set down your work and do something calming, alone or with a good friend you can vent to. Take a long walk, or a hot bath, or a day trip somewhere you enjoy being. Do something for you, something that doesn't require planning or stress, and regroup. Then, tomorrow, you can deal with the remaining fallout from the week. All of these things can be cleaned up and repaired, none of the damage is permanent. We're here for you, too - we all know how it feels to have days (or weeks) like that.

[Beekeeper]

I went to the grocery store with my good girlfriend last night, and described my mood as petulant. Today has been better, although I had an event to do that was about the opposite of profitable...however, it was fun.

I have an event tomorrow too, that's a long one but it's for the beekeeping association so all I have to do it hang around and talk about bees. I'm totally cool with that.

Monday, I get to give a presentation about bees...and freelance stuff in the afternoon, I probably won't be able to relax much til Tuesday.

This evening, I'm going to church (first time in years, willingly) with same good girlfriend and her hubby, then having dinner with another good friend.

DH is out of town til tomorrow (thank goodness).

Thanks for listening, y'all.

[Zevispaz]

I'd say your feelings are pretty legit, and not a med dosing problem. That's a lot of stress and even NT people would be flipping over something like that.

Just breath and take it one step at a time.

NT people make weird mistakes they normally wouldn't when they're stressed or sleep deprived.

It's normal to have less time for other things when something major happens. Servers crashing aren't a small deal. It's a big issue that would naturally take out a chunk of your time anyway. So don't worry about the details like laundry and dishes for a bit. It's ok to order food while you get things sorted and do laundry last minute when it needs to get done.

Also, I'd say not flipping out at DH after yelling at you constantly after doing him a FAVOR and doing HIS work for him is proof that your meds ARE making you patient. Give yourself some credit! I'd be totally flipping tables if my DH did that to me.

In any case, it's good that you're getting out for some fresh air and seeing friends.

[Beekeeper]

LOL, thanks Zevispaz.

I'm flipping, but it's when I hang up the phone or no one's around. Like screaming at my phone when DH is calling, before I actually answer.

I took half a methylphenidate a few hours ago and feel fine. Or, at least not dizzy and spacey, and I got some stuff done around the house that I wanted to do. So I suppose things are looking up?

[Crackpotdad]

When I feel like you do, I just sing a little song:

It's the hard-knock life for us!
It's the hard-knock life for us!
'Steada treated,
We get tricked!
'Steada kisses,
We get kicked!
It's the hard-knock life!
Got no folks to speak of, so,
It's the hard-knock row we ho!

[Beekeeper]

Yeah, but I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore...LOL!

My Facebook status yesterday was something along the lines of, "I WILL have a good day today. Hear that, universe? I expect you to comply." Eff off, world, I'm over being stressed and overwhelmed and unhappy. I guess I just needed to get the worst behind me to get there.

I have a tendency to just crank the stereo when I'm done sulking, and just writing that post and getting it out there helped a ton with getting out of petulant mode.

[TygerSan]

((Hugs)) How long have you been on the meds? I ask because methylphenidate (in the form of concerta for me) made me really spacy. At low doses it was so bad I actually felt as though I was watching myself as a 3rd party sometimes.

If this is your first attempt at medication it's entirely possible that you need to either adjust the dose or possibly change meds all together. Personally, adderall worked much better for me than the concerta did. I still would get kinda spacey when they were wearing off - and sometimes I'd get cranky too, especially if I hadn't eaten enough.

[Beekeeper]

Originally Posted by TygerSan

((Hugs)) How long have you been on the meds? I ask because methylphenidate (in the form of concerta for me) made me really spacy. At low doses it was so bad I actually felt as though I was watching myself as a 3rd party sometimes.

I've been medicated for probably a little over six weeks now, I think. The first month I was on 20 mg Vyvanse, got upped to 30 mg plus this booster. The last two days I took half and it was okay, nothing weird. I was exhausted yesterday, but not quite enough sleep + more stress + long day, that's nothing odd.

I managed not to lost it yesterday when the wheels came off full force again. Saturday wasn't bad, it was nice to have some downtime (I think I need to schedule it into my calendar everyday!) but yesterday started out AWFUL. DH was still out of town til yesterday afternoon.

I was supposed to meet another beekeeper at 8 for breakfast before going out to set up a tent and table to promote beekeeping and our local club at an environmental festival type event. I had loaded everything we needed in my car the night before, with the help of neighbor 1.

I get halfway down the block yesterday morning, realize I've forgotten my camera and a few other things that were kind of important. Whipped around the block, parked slanted in the middle of the driveway, run in the house, get stuff. Come out, my car won't start. Huh?! No clicks, no engine noise, nothing. Stereo and windows work fine. WTF?

So I'm calling beekeeper friend to say don't wait for me for breakfast, car is freaking out. Wake up neighbor 2 so we can push my car into the street (I'd blocked the whole driveway since I was just running in for a sec), he asks me if I need to take his truck, to which I say no, I'll take the other car we have (which I should have driven in the first place, as it's bigger and easier to haul stuff around in).

We transfer everything from my car to the other car, and off I go, managing not to cry/panic/generally lose it. Running late, but hey! It WASN'T THE FAULT OF MY ADHD THIS TIME! That makes me giggle. We made it to the event and got set up with a little time to spare. The event went really well, we made a lot of money for our club selling honey, and had a really good time on top of it.

What made me a little nuts though, is I texted our mechanic (we're friends, I can text him on a Sunday morning) on the way to the event, told him what happened and he said to jump it when I got home. DH got home before me, when I got home we were going to jump it, and he decided to try to start it before we got the cables out.... F***ing car started right up for him.

[Verile]

Think your week would have been stressful for anyone, ADHD or not. Stress and sleep deprivation do not discriminate.