What has worked for your teens?

[yephesmyson]

Hiya I Have joined this forum because I have a teen who I love alot.
So far the system has failed him so Now im going to home school him.

I have taken him out of school and away from the ones who bring him down in a negative manner.
For some kids with ADHD I feel that some schools can crush these delighful children and create something inside of them that is truely damaged.
Then as parents we must repair what has been broken and help them to find their way so it ends up being positive.

I really want him to become sucessful in what ever he desires, but he really needs to know how to read and write. Maths is also important.

When in comes to anger he has alot of it for many reasons be in Teachers clashing with the ADHDer or peers.

So my question is what has worked for to you fix the damage that has been done?
Threapy this time hasn't worked and it seams im the only one that can talk to him. proberly because I care and listen and dont blame him for being him.
How did you stop the ourbusrts? or how your child is on the defencive to protect themseleves?

[tudorose]

Anger - join karate (you must join with him). Me & DH and the kids all joined together. Me & DH went on to become instructors and teach other kids with autism / ADHD. At one point we had 5 kids with disabilities in our class (4 with autism and one 1 deaf).

School etc - as soon as our son was old enough (HFA / ADHD) we got him into a trade. He's 18 now and is nearly ready to be signed off as a tradesman. Sometimes it's good for boys to be around men so they learn how men should behave.

As for fixing the damage I don't know. For us lot of tension was in the home environment and since he's moved out we all get along a lot better.

[SquarePeg]

Hi and welcome. My son started taekwondo when he was about 8 years old. He passed a couple of grades and then gave up after he failed a grade.

He started again with another small local club. They are like a family to him. He is now 14 and nearly a black belt. His teachers are aware that he has difficulties following instructions sometimes (but as these are usually followed with movements, this is not too much of a problem). He also has a difficulties with the written exam but because he answered correctly (grammar terrible) he passed. They also let him answer orally at times.

All the teachers, pupils and parents are very supportive of one another, there is one boy with alapecia, one with dyslexia, another with adhd and a tic. It´s a very nuturing environment and one in which my son feels part of a family and most importantly that he is really good at something. Every grade he passes is a massive boost to his self esteem and nothing to do with school.

So my advice is to find something outside of school that your son really enjoys and that boosts his self esteem. Sometimes this is better than therapy because the child can get and all round sense of achievement.
Maybe skateboarding lessons, bmx, something active so he can really get free. I like taekwondo because it´s very active but also very disciplined.

I can see you are very supportive and encouraging but sometimes kids need to get it from another source outside of the family. I sometimes get the "well your my mum so you would say/think that".

Regarding outbursts, whilst these can´t always be avoided, I try to watch for the signs that he is reaching his limit and then switch the activity or stop. We try just 20 minutes to half an hour with one activity and then do a completely different one. Avoidance is easier than dealing with an outburst.

He often gets angry when starting something, as he pulls every trick under the sun to avoid reading or avoid starting homework. So we have together worked out a timetable which is consistent and fair. So he knows every day his homework starts at 5.00. He has an alarm which rings at 4.55 so he knows he has to prepare.

Room inspection is every Saturday at 3.00. Ha ha I know it sounds very regimental but his room is an absolute pigsty but he is comfortable with wrinkled sheets, books and stuff in his bed and everything on the floor so I find it best not to even look in his room. SO the only rule is at Saturday, 3.00 it has to be clean and tidy. Before and after, well that´s his businesses.

I would find it very difficult to homeschool any of my children, I haven´t got the patience (also have adhd) so well done to you for taking him out of a harmful environment.

I think it´s important the he still maintains a social life outside the home (does he have any friends?)

How old is he exactly. I have friends who own a bar and he is sometimes allowed to help with big events, collect glasses and translate (we live in Spain and my friends don´t speak English). He gets paid a few euros and feels very important and grown up.

Sometimes in schools it´s often the case of teachers not really understanding at all what adhd is and how it affects kids (despite me providing his pscyh report which clearly states how he is affect and his needs). Teachers often get frustrated with him because they know he´s intelligent.

Sometimes he gets frustrated in class and says to the teacher "you know I have adhd don´t you" and the teacher gets all sheepish and apologetic. He´s not ashamed to talk about it or to have it (even though he wishes he didn´t). SO far he doesn´t get any hassle from other kids at school. We´re lucky that way.

Sorry for rambling, hope some of it helps. x

[yephesmyson]

Thank you for all of your advice some great ideas that I will look into. Hes 16 years old.
He will be soon taking singing lessons and also acting classes, he does inline skating also.
We have done Karate for a year etc but he didnt really seams to enjoy it.
Its the anger that he displays because he cant understand quickly so gets frustrated rather fast.
He has become defencive now just in day to day communication. Unless of course its about what he wants to talk about hes happy for others to listen.
He has no friends people that were friends from school I have taken away from him because they take drugs etc. They were harly friends tho, all they ever did was get him into heaps of trouble.
These kids set up a underground fight club within the high school and my son was one of their fighters.
They would also laugh at him not with him.
but because they gave him attention he thought they were best mates.

So far he has not been able to make real friends at all but he feels everyone is his friend he doesnt take social cues at all, and will stand in peoples personal space.
He is rejected by the everyday teen,person.
Im tring to find him a postive net work of friends that will except him.

[yephesmyson]

ps. love the rambling, it helps thank you keep sharing