help with fixation: tempertantrums for 5 y/o

[jaxxes]

DS is 5 1/2 years old and gets fixated on something he wants (popsicle, game, toy etc.) If it's something he wants and doesn't get he gets demanding, frustrated, angry, desolate? and cries and cries, usually for an hour or more, or until he falls asleep if it's in the evening. It seems to have increased a bit since starting Focalin about a month ago, but he has been doing this for a long time so I can't only blame the meds.

Any ideas on how to deal with this?

[nanners]

That is a really tough one. I experienced this with my 6 year old (almost 7), when she was 3-5ish. She still does it once in a blue moon. I tried various things, that did not work. In the end, I would hug her, tell her I understand that it is hard to not get what you want and walk/hug her to her room, to her bed. I tell her she can cry and/or rest until she feels better and then can rejoin the rest of the family.

It was really hard for me to do that but I also didn't want to give in, to whatever the request was, if I had already said no and/or it wasn't a reasonable request, etc.

I have slowly learned that she has BIG emotions, but mostly has a hard time moving through her emotions.

Hang in there, it actually does get better! (in my exp. anyway). She will now go into her room on her own if she is upset, and comes back out on her own when she feels calm enough to join the rest of the family. It seems to be a good coping mechanism.

[LynneC]

Hi jaxxes and welcome!

If you haven't seen these yet, be sure to read through the essays in Dizfriz' Corner. They are packed full of helpful information for parents of ADHD kids. You will find a wide range of topics, including discipline strategies and how to motivate kids w/ ADHD.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130

What is your response to him when he becomes demanding?

[jaxxes]

We usually try to avoid this by giving him options that will guide him to make an appropriate choice but sometimes it's just an explosion.
We try distraction, love and hugs, validation of his feelings of disappointment and frustration, we try to talk about what prompted the tantrum and how he could better try to get his needs met (when we later talk about the tantrum). Sometimes we try to negotiate: I know you want a popsicle now but they are not for bedtime. A better time would be tomorrow for your dessert after dinner and you can have one then if you like.

We used to take him to his room and close the door and tell him that he is going to his room for quiet time to calm down and he can come out when he is ready. He had a hammock swing in there that was good for pressure too and he started to excuse himself occassionally when he was getting frustrated and I'd find him up there swinging by himself. It was hopeful!

It seems like nothing works over the last few months and trying to take him to his room is no longer a solution because he won't go and is really too big for me to carry a fighting kid and then he won't stay there. He just cries forcefully until he's tired of it.

[LynneC]

What about bringing the swing into the main living area, or somewhere other than his bedroom, where it is more accessible?

[jaxxes]

I wish we could but it anchors into one of the support beams in the ceiling. I'm not really willing to do that in our living room. I wonder if there's something else we could use rather than the hammock...

[BlackTieDad]

We've been having a lot of this with our 5 year old (almost 5 and a half) lately also, but he has fits of rage and usually hits his 7 year old brother and blames him (even for things that are completely impossible, like "making" him fall when he's in another part of the house).

For us, we've been wondering if it's related to a growth spurt. He grew a LOT in the past 3 months, and we're wondering if a dosage change of something is due (he takes a number of different meds).