Online dating services?

[EYEFORGOT]

(no links please, against the rules)

Having a live-in partner or remarrying would be easier than dating and I'd see him a lot more. However, as I'm not interested in a mail-order husband and other scary underground slave trades, I thought I'd check out online dating sites.

I've met some lovely people online. The key was easily conversing over something and it went from there. It seemed sensible to try an online dating site then.

Naturally, the first one suggested to me was eHarmony. I don't know why, but I just get an error message or it doesn't forward me to the next page. No big deal, I found another... and it was free.

oy. Could it be more annoying? Here I'm looking to talk and I'm getting messages from men who want to jump in to loving me forever. Completely unrealistic.

What's a single woman with 3 kids and working 6 days a week to do? Yes, I've got lots to think about, do, remember, but the longing for a companion does not deminish at all. Nor does having ADHD and bipolar, a son with ADHD, stop for dating either.

And ugh! Dating. Starting over. That puts scrunchy "yuck" lines on my face. See, this is why I want a companion and friend. Not a dating service.

What did any of you do? Re-dating wise? Online dating, etc? (again, no links, please)

[finallyfound10]

I did online dating (eHarmony and Match) several years ago prior to being diagnosed. I had a good experience and will probably do it again when I get myself together (it's been a rough few years and a few more to go to where I am "ready" to venture back.)

I met really quality people! In my experiences of over 20+ years, the biggest nuts, abusers and wastes of time I've ever met were met the good old fashioned ways bars, parties, work, friends of friends, etc. I liked eHarmony far better than Match and have been to 2 weddings of couples who met on eHarmony and know of several more.

Online is different, that is for sure. I think people are more open- hence guys really putting their cards on the table very early but there are people like that offline too. I run like crazy from them!!

Dating is horrible any way you slice it in my book!! I have scrunchy "yuck" lines too! Arranged marriage cultures have the right idea in some ways! I used to joke and tell my friend that I want to get married but I don't want to date.

Good luck!!!! If you want to PM me feel free!

[Lillianmay]

I am in my early 20’s with no kids. Since leaving school I haven’t hardly been around guys my age except for a few organizations I belong to and nothing clicking there. I don’t go to bars – and I could hardly hear enough to have a conversation even if I did. So I decided to try online too. I signed up for a site associated with my faith beliefs partly because that was important to me and partly because I thought there would be less chance of guys looking for hookups. I just noticed there is a site for people with disabilities - maybe I'll try that one later if this doesn't work out.

I like that I can check for some deal breakers before I respond – like too old or from too far away. The old fashioned way would take a couple of dates sometimes before I realized that there was a deal breaker – usually they wanted sex and I’m not into casual sex. I did not disclose my ADHDon my profile because I didn’t want to be contacted by someone looking to get my meds, but I do have learning disabilities and I disclosed some of those along with my being a little shy. I’ve only been on a little while and already I’ve met two nice guys. They seem like gentlemen, and are commitment orientated. Most of the guys on the site I am using are truly looking for someone special. I like that we talked online first – it helps me with my shyness.

For people thinking of posting on a site, here are some things I’ve noticed. Have a decent profile picture. Lots of people post blurry pics taken from their cell phone. Most people will not respond if there is no picture. It can seem like there are so many possible matches out there that some people get too picky especially about looks. If you’re a little bit paunchy guy, maybe the little bit paunchy girl is right for you. Be a little specific about what you are looking for. Be honest about yourself - although I wouldn't necessarily disclose ADHD or BiPolar on a profile. It is better to get just a few hits from someone who likes you for who you are than lots of hits from people who will not work out at all.

[Cyllya]

This topic made me curious to see if there were any dating websites just for mentally ill people. Turns out there are! (True Acceptance and No Longer Lonely.) One of them lets you check of general mental illness categories on the sign-up page. There's not really a box for ADHD, but you could check "Other," I guess. Doesn't seem like there are any sites for just ADHD.

I like being single, but if I were going to date, I'd probably try one of those sites.

[SquarePeg]

My friends have had success with dating websites, though there are loads to steer clear of. You can tell the sites where people are obviously just looking for sex, which is fine if that´s what you want. People are so fake. I signed up with a fake name just to see the response, men write crap like, "I can tell you are a beautiful person and caring person etc etc" (I didn´t even post a foto).

Aside from this the well publicised sites like match.com are quite good. My friend has met a lot of nice guys through this. Be careful if you are one of those people who are not good at reading others and are generally too trusting for your own good.

[Phoenix Ash]

I've been pondering this a lot lately. Wanting to get back into the dating world. My last relationship happened through eharmony and there are a lot of advantages to going that route.

I like that the computer does the picking for you so I don't have to slog through thousands of profiles looking for possibilities. Saving time: always a good idea when you gots ADD!

I also actually like that there is a fee (for going beyond the initial viewing stage). I think that, plus the initial survey process, helps screen out those who are less serious about it, or less patient, or who are just looking for a quickie.

I ended up finding a long term, serious relationship pretty quickly through them, and I was really impressed with how well matched we were.

Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out in the end, but that's life. But I still feel like the system worked pretty well.

I'll probably do it again, once I get my act together sufficiently to present myself well instead of the total mess I am right now...

[HolyAlchemyzt]

Hey Eye...so wassup how you doin' ?

i hear your single now, whats good?

[Flory]

as i was discussing with another member...im still looking for mr tall, dark and hyper...must enjoy short periods of sitting still, blurting, cuddles if/when such a time to be still is enjoyable, an 'anything goes' style of conversing, able to listen at 1000 words a minute as well as a strong back for when i leap at you....any takers ?

[Flory]

and eye, it must be tough to go through this process having had the family breakdown and everything aside from it being cringey and yucky .....))))hugs((( remember, there are men out there that go at your pace like what you like..you don't have to settle for anything, or get too serious too quickly..perhaps just v casual dates even as friends would get you warmed up before you feel able to cope with bigger 'dates' and meeting guys in that way...its a massive upheaval and things are still very fresh for you...let your wounds heal, if things are too much pull back, if you like someone, heck give it a shot..you are never broken or damaged, maybe you can be the best thing to happen to somebody this coming new year even if its justa companion...i wish you well and do let us know how this goes... flory

[EYEFORGOT]

Thanks for the feedback everyone.

I'll probably do it again, once I get my act together sufficiently to present myself well instead of the total mess I am right now...

Phoenix honey, if they're not gonna take us messy they may as well not bother... it's the whole package. My mess was too much for my ex, and it sure isn't easy being married to someone with bipolar and ADD; but somewhere out there, someone is going to think I'm way too wonderful to let some silly little brain disorders get in the way of true love. (gosh shucky darn ain't that just too sweet?)