Old ADD adult warrior warns newcomers

[nnamelet]

Have you have been diagnosed or otherwise know that you have ADD - and have your actions or failure to take actions seriously damaged your life, happiness, and your relationships with others?

If this happened were before you knew about ADD, then you may treat yourself gently and strive to forgive yourself for those mistakes, though they might have been grievous. If you are STILL mucking around and not taking ADD seriously, then take heed from my experience (if you shuck this off like everything else - you will pay for it dearly).

I was not diagnosed until I was 58! I had had brilliant potential and many advantages, but performed way under my potential. I also did serious damage to personal relationships: friends, wife, and children. The usual boring list: I failed to establish a work and personal discipline, finish big tasks, treated personal relationships casually and without commitment. Going off on mind trips derailed everything.

Once diagnosed the standard medications worked only marginally. I was too far down and discouraged. My psychiatrist was very knowledgeable but was also intellectual and laid back,. I put serious effort on the back burner. Food, a newspaper, errant thoughts, the mania of the moment were all more important.

What I really needed was someone to bang his fist on the table, look me in the eye and yell at me:

"Are you satisfied with what's happening? How much progress have you made in the last year? Do you have goals? Are they important? How much effort are you really putting out to accomplish them? What percent of your waking hours is going into purposeful effort: 10%, 2%? What percent of your discretionary time are you going off on tangents? 50%, 75%, 95%?"

"Do you really care about your family? Do you have real friends who would go into the trenches for you?" If not, what are you doing to BE a friend so that others will commit to you?"

If I showed humility, then my counselor would have said. "OK, now I am going to give you assignments. I don't expect perfection, but I expect systematic improvement. If you fail, I want you to write an essay to me on why you failed. I also expect you to be on time. Create 4 failsafe reminders if you need to. Make a poster 4 feet high if you need it. If I see effort, I will go all out to help you. If I don't after a month then I will stop seeing you. You have too much ability for me to need the frustration of seeing no progress because of ingrained self-destructive habits of giving in to impulse. "

Well, I didn't have that kind of miracle counselor. I worked hard on myself with self-help programs and did have a technically helpful counselor for a while till he gave up on me. I made progress but allowed modest success to go to my head and allow me to go into messianic crusades and impulsive actions. I failed to address problems squarely, missed deadlines again and again, got way overcommitted and finally committed an impulsive blunder that terminated a job that I loved and was invested in.

Now I realize that a Higher Power, I'll call him God, has done me a favor. He sent plenty of help my way, but I was too pigheaded to grasp it. Now He allowed my actions to send an unmistakeable message, which finally erased the notion that I could get out of every scrape by creativity.

If you are ambitious and have lots of interests you will find out that ADD's effects may increase with time - if not dealt with early. Projects, concerns, complications, and interests can multiply with age in ADHDs, while the physical energy needed to deal with them decline. So lapses and failures increase in number and severity. And you will realize time is running out on you and you no longer have most of your life to correct things.

Be warned - and profit! Life can be marvelous for the ADD who takes ADHD seriously and embarks on a commited program of self improvement rather than just expecting pills to do it all.

Because of your creativity and ADHD - given gifts, your operational skills - though hard won - will pay much bigger dividends than would be true for the ordinary earth person.

Go to it!

Your old warrior buddy.

[healthwiz]

Dear Old Warrior

Wisdom from a tried and true sage.

Thank you for the wake up call. I needed it.

Jon

[joanrdtobe]

Originally posted by nnamelet
Have you have been diagnosed or otherwise know that you have ADD - and have your actions or failure to take actions seriously damaged your life, happiness, and your relationships with others?

If this happened were before you knew about ADD, then you may treat yourself gently and strive to forgive yourself for those mistakes, though they might have been grievous. If you are STILL mucking around and not taking ADD seriously, then take heed from my experience (if you shuck this off like everything else - you will pay for it dearly).

I was not diagnosed until I was 58! I had had brilliant potential and many advantages, but performed way under my potential. I also did serious damage to personal relationships: friends, wife, and children. The usual boring list: I failed to establish a work and personal discipline, finish big tasks, treated personal relationships casually and without commitment. Going off on mind trips derailed everything.

I put serious effort on the back burner. Food, a newspaper, errant thoughts, the mania of the moment were all more important.

What I really needed was someone to bang his fist on the table, look me in the eye and yell at me:

"Are you satisfied with what's happening? How much progress have you made in the last year? Do you have goals?
"Do you really care about your family? Do you have real friends who would go into the trenches for you?" If not, what are you doing to BE a friend so that others will commit to you?"

If I showed humility, then my counselor would have said. "OK, now I am going to give you assignments. I don't expect perfection, but I expect systematic improvement.

If I don't after a month then I will stop seeing you. You have too much ability for me to need the frustration of seeing no progress because of ingrained self-destructive habits of giving in to impulse. "

Well, I didn't have that kind of miracle counselor. I worked hard on myself with self-help programs and did have a technically helpful counselor for a while till he gave up on me.

I made progress but allowed modest success to go to my head and allow me to go into messianic crusades and impulsive actions. I failed to address problems squarely, missed deadlines again and again, got way overcommitted and finally committed an impulsive blunder that terminated a job that I loved and was invested in.

Now I realize that a Higher Power, I'll call him God, has done me a favor. He sent plenty of help my way, but I was too pigheaded to grasp it. Now He allowed my actions to send an unmistakeable message, which finally erased the notion that I could get out of every scrape by creativity.



Be warned - and profit! Life can
Go to it!

Your old warrior buddy.

I left the lines of yours I LOVED and related to MOST....I used to sit in on lots of AA meetings (I'm in alanon) and this is the kind of stuff I used to hear at those meetings and these were the types of words that kept alcoholics sober...and my brother as well.....I agree with every word of yours...which is why I moved my entire life to Calif a year and a half ago to pursue my dreams....and now I am looking for a job to realize them....I won't under any circumstances let my ADD stand in my way...and at the same time I will let the creative and empathetic and smart me thrive....Thanks for your great message.... Incidentally, I'm in my 40's...and I don't believe it's ever too late for anyone....

[jimmmaaa]

Old Warrior, Thanks for your words of wisdom. The part that scared me what you spoke of was:

?

"If you are ambitious and have lots of interests you will find out that ADD's effects may increase with time - if not dealt with early. Projects, concerns, complications, and interests can multiply with age in ADHDs, while the physical energy needed to deal with them decline."

I am 35 and wonder what it will be like when I am 45 or so? I will just have to keep an eye on things. I am self-diagnosed and currently do not take any medication other than St. John's Wort. I used to take prozac but switched to St. John's Wort after me and my wife did not like how Prozac affected me. I totally fit a ADD diagnosis, but am not officially diagnosed with it.

[Garry]

I will agree to the physical aspect as to not having the energy to do what you want to do

I myself dont feel any diferent than I did 10 or 15 years ago with the exception of the fact that I am very aware of my ADD and that I take very carful steps to avoid the problems it has caused me in the past

I also agree that had I got a grip on it when I was much younger I could have made an extreame ( and I emphisize ) extreame difference in the way my life has turned out

But untill they put me in a box I'll never be to old to try try again

Everytime I fail it makes me stronger

[nnamelet]

Good show!

[aforceforgood]

Thanks, I needed that wake up call- I've been extremely compulsive lately, playing (stupid!) video games for hours, not attending to work, internet addiction, etc. I do feel my clock ticking, and the things I haven't accomplished pile just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Any suggestions for how to motivate yourself to break our tangental interests? And keep on track? How is it that you do that? Has frustration at not being further along in life (this applies to me, and it sounds like you too, sorry if that offends, I'm trying to say this as succinctly as possible so I can get back to work) just reached such a critical mass that it becomes easier to see what is truly important?

[jimmmaaa]

Sometimes timers on my watch work for me. Other times, I don't log onto the Internet until I get some things accomplished...Sometimes I have good intentions, but they amount to nothing.

[joanrdtobe]

Force: I love your question: may I repeat? "Has frustration at not being further along in life just reached such a critical mass that it becomes easier to see what is truly important?"

I think the key words there are "critical mass".....it's sort of like hitting a bottom....it gets to be SOOOO bad that something has to be done....a change has to be made....or we um....go insane or something????? Who knows??????? I'm just brainstorming with your enlightening question.....

James thanks....not log into the internet until some things are done....

[jimmmaaa]

It is easier said than done at work where I have a high speed always on connection that is instantly on by just opening Internet Explorer. No waiting for a modem to dial up....it is just on in 15 seconds!!!! It was hard today!

[aforceforgood]

yeah, I had the best of intentions, but 2 hours ago when I had to start up the comp to make notes pertaining to a recent traffic accident, and my dsl was just waiting there too... sigh. I don't want to live this way, yoyoing back and forth between productivity and strange behavior...

[joanrdtobe]

Oh yuck... please don't make me read this...it's too much like ME...(being described)

Force: sometimes you have SUCH a creative way with words..... even if they are describing disturbing things such as this.....

[Garry]

Ok Ill solve the problem for you all

If you dont get you act together and your booty in gear I'm going to take away your HIGH SPEED CONNECTION and force you all to go back to a 300 baud modem

Ill bet some of you cant even comprehend what a 300 baud modem would be like

[aforceforgood]

I can- mom had a 2800 baud modem YEARS ago that was slow as molasses- and that was just transferring text. The computer, which cost about $10,000 at the time, was a 5mhz cpu with- hold on- 2 WHOLE MEGS OF RAM! WOOHOO! LOOKOUT! And she even upgraded the cpu to a 25 mhz!

It used 5 1/2 inch floppy disks that would hold I think 22 characters. So for instance, to store the bible would require something like 46 billion sextillion of these floppys. And they were plenty stable too, as long as you didn't bend them, subject them to heat, cold, moisture, sunlight, moonlight, or oxygen, why, they'd last a matter of months.

The monitor was I think like 10 inches or something ridiculous like that, and monochrome. I've learned from that never to buy brand new tech.

It made me happy when my cousin, who's a certifiable genius, bought windows 2000, because I got to ask him why he'd want to be a beta tester. He was all proud of having scored a copy of 2000 so quickly, and told me proudly that this was an alpha, not a beta. I raised my eyebrow and asked what exactly was different about this windows release that would lead him to expect that there would not be several patch releases in the months to come...

I can be such a butt sometimes.

[Garry]

Grin so then you can appreciate your high speed connection eh

get to work or the connection will magicly degrade to a 300 baud