Old ADD adult warrior warns newcomers

[DaveHawk]

I too and just finding out about what ADD is and how it has effected me and my family , jobs and friends. mctavish , I can relate to you. Being self employed for 22 years and also having a large range of creative gifts I delved into my creativity to compensate my feeling of lack of worth. This enabled me to capture some asemblance of self worth.

[Arbuck]

I am an old warrior before I am even diagnosed! This week, I told my physician that I think I have ADD. He asked me why I thought that. I told him some of my symptoms and that I had always just thought that my inattentiveness, disorganization, procrastination, talkativeness, and lack of patience were personality faults that I could not change. I told him that through reading and searching, these are symtoms of ADD. He told me that they were indeed character faults. Great! After his enlightening observation, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for next MOnday. I was assured by her office that she treats ADD. My impatience in this process is driving me to distraction. I am having real problems concentrating on anything else.

At 52, I can't help but kick myself in the head for all these wasted years; the lost opportunities, the lost youth, the fact that I have been running in place all my life.

Sorry, I ramble but at least I know it is not ALL my own fault...

[kimo]

Hey Arbuck, I'm close behind you. I'm 45 and just diagnosed. I, too, feel I have left behind a lot of wasted years with wasted potential. But hey, we're doing something about it now so at least our future should be better than our past, right?

I've not seen the psychiatrist yet for the meds, I see her Monday. Been seeing a pyschologist for the therapy and counseling.

I, too, thought that I had "character flaws" that I could not change. And lord how I prayed to change! Then found out through self-diagnosis that I was ADD. The psychologist agrees. Thankfully! At least now I don't harbor as much guilt about my work ethic, laziness, impatience, lack of motivation, talkativeness (which I'm always made fun of for), etc.

I went to see my regular doctor about this after the diagnosis and told her I was upset about all these "wasted" years. She told me that I probably just was not ready to deal with it yet and now the time is right. We may never understand why things happen the way they do or why sometimes things come to us so late in life, but everything happens when it's supposed to. It just not be when we want it!

[Arbuck]

Kimo-
Sounds like we have common symptoms and we will both see Psychiatrists on Monday. I checked your profile and your website. Very nice work. I am also an artist. Creativity is my outlet. I still work best on small projects rather that long term ones. I have trouble getting started and staying with it until the end. I either find too many things get in the way to start and the last little bit requires so much effort...
Let me know how your appointment goes. I will say a prayer for you. You are right. Things happen at a specific time for a specific reason. Hopefully, now is the time.

[kimo]

Thanks Arbuck! I, too, have difficulty with long projects. But when it comes to my art, I usually persevere until I finish. If you saw my "Switch A. Roo" project . . . that one took me almost 3 years to finish!!! I was too stubborn to leave it unfinished, though.

I'm now doing more traditional art like colored pencil and pastels which is a bit quicker than doing the 3D art.

I went and checked out your site as well . . . very cool stuff! I love your intro animation! Very well done.

How bout on Monday evening with both post our experiences with the psychiatrist here. I'll say a prayer for you too! Thanks!

[bluesman]

Your comments are exactly the way I feel, but until now have had no one to relate to.
Thanks

[Onwari]

Thank you nnamelet. I needed that today. I printed out your post and put parts of it on my fridge.

ADD has hurt me severely. No one would believe what happened to me these last 4 years if I told them. Your post has been one of the most motivating I have read yet. Thanks

[DaveHawk]

arbuck, I turned 50 last year and didn't find out till I was 47, I woundered for years what the heck was the problem. Then I heard on the radio an add for a study and if you answered any 3 of the 15 questions yes then call us . I answered all them yes. LOL

[Dissident]

Sort of gives me the willies, thinking about this sort of thing. I haven't been diagnosed yet but... even knowing the kind of problems I have and the kinds of changes I need to make in my life, I seem to smash headlong into every hurdle and take the full force of the blow. Sometimes I feel like my life's on rails, and I can't change anything.

[meadd823]

Having a slower computer as Garry sugest my not be the bad thing you guys think. I control my internet useage by three ways. #1 no work no eat (I'm self employeed no boss just partner), no house, no internet....Hello!!. Two I share connection with MR. I don;t have ADD, we limit our time so the other can use, Number three.. I have slow processor that was designed the same year Noah built the arc, while I was waiting for this to down doad I let the dog out, when I pop (ever so S..L..O..W...L..Y..)to another thread I'll probably feed the dog, get the picture?

Just my quarters worth,
Tammy

[robmhill]

too true
did not get proper diagnosis till 30s
but luckily i have had other health problems so i knew that
taking pills may help but you have to work too

good advice given with beleivable perspective.

[Careem]

I am one of those adders who have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. I tried to go to college but some how I just did not feel like I belonged there. (I was having other problems as well) I tried getting a job but because of my condition I cannot for some reason, get passed the interview part. As an adder I feel worthless and ordinary. I feel as though I have no ability what so ever and that I am doomed to stay exactly where I am for the rest of my life. I am 29 now and I am just tired. I have read that there a lot of people here that donnot get to a good point in there lives (job wise family wise) until they are in there are way up in age, or in my opinion too old to do anything. I want to be settled in a job that I like and get married and have kids before I am too old to do so. But for some reason,I can't seem to find any of what I want. I am seeing a therapist now but I feel that I need more.

Hope you get to read this,

Careem

[Careem]

I was diagnosed when I was 20 or 21. don't remember. but I was not told about or learned about any sort of help until I was much older.

Originally Posted by robmhill

too true
did not get proper diagnosis till 30s
but luckily i have had other health problems so i knew that
taking pills may help but you have to work too

good advice given with beleivable perspective.

[adina1]

Old ADD warrior has brought to the surface many truths.
Before you are diagnosed with ADD, you blame yourself for all your failures. After the diagnosis, (which I haven't been yet) I imagine you can let go of some of that guilt & move on. I guess the trick is to let the diagnosis help you move forward than to use it as an excuse, which scares me.
Two questions:
1.As one member asked (so sorry I forgot your name), are there individuals out there with ADD that have been able to get passed all the excuses for inaction, and feel in control and productive each day? No longer feeeling like you are wasting your life away like "old add warrior" had mentioned? How?

2. Any tips on how to put these forums to a minimum so they don't become part of the problem? I have been on here too long!

Thanks for all your precious time.

[shadowfax]

Wow, I just read this thread from "Old ADD warrior." I think the worst thing isn't all the chances we ADDers let go by. It's that we are often totally unable or incapable of forgiving ourselves enough to try again. We (I at least) often get stuck in these trenches of self-comtempt and loathing. I can't think of a better frame of mind that almost totally prevents a person from allowing to think, "Yeah, I screwed up. But somehow, someway, I know I can do better."
My therapist really helped me a lot by asking this: "Instead of thinking of yourself as a 'failed deity,' how about a 'perfectly imperfect' person?" That way, he said, when you make the inevitable mistakes, you can "forgive" yourself and be able to try again at about the same emotional level--and drive yourself further down by having set and not met unrealistically high expectations. That makes it all the harder to get emotionally where you were before.
By the way, I highly recommend getting individual therapy to help deal with this particularly crippling aspect of ADD. It's taken a while, but I'm now at a point where when I do make a mistake, I refuse to dwell on it too long. Instead, I make it a challenge: I tell myself "Ten-to-one you'll make that mistake again, right?" then I do my darnedest to prove "myself" wrong! It's a simple mindgame, but the effects can lead to what we so desperately need: self-forgiveness AND self-empowerment!