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  #1  
Old 02-03-13, 11:37 AM
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Never want to leave my house

I have always been a homebody. I like being in my house, just puttering around but lately it's been worrying me how unmotivated I am to go anywhere.

When I was younger I was like this too, but I had friends, family, a job, school. I was always fine with doing stuff with my friends or family if they made the plans, as long as it wasn't a big party with lots of people. I went to school and work regularly, but if left to my own devices, I always preferred being at home.

After I got married, my husband always made our plans for everything from going out to dinner to going to the gym to social events. So basically if it's something I HAVE to do or if someone else makes the plans I'll go along with it but I have no motivation to do this for myself. Sometimes I WANT to go somewhere but when I have no commitment to another person, time will just slip away and I'll tell myself I can just go tomorrow and then tomorrow never comes.

Now that my husband and I have split up, he takes the kids every other weekend, and I will just stay home all weekend. I have plans in my head, like I will go to the beach or call a friend and make plans or whatever but none of it ever happens. I don't work outside the home, so all I basically do is shuttle my kids to and from school and activities and errands that I HAVE to do. I don't feel like I'm depressed at all, just very unmotivated to leave the house.

I can't figure out why I am unable to make myself do things that I sometimes really want to do. It just seems too daunting to get myself ready to go anywhere. I've gotten much worse since I don't work outside the home anymore. It's gotten worse since I don't have my husband to make our plans anymore, and it's gotten worse because I live in Puerto Rico and I'm intimidated going out because at many of the places I go to they don't speak English. I suck at talking to people when they speak my language so adding that to it just raises my anxiety level. Does all of this sound like depression? I know that ADHD affects motivation but this seems extreme to me.
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Old 02-03-13, 11:45 AM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

I have many of the same issues. Getting out is too daunting a task-- just getting ready is frustrating and tiring. Being out is overstimulating, and I have social anxiety. Yet, I love being outdoors when I manage to do it. It just feels too rough to be around so many people and things happening at once, even if I feel like I want to be around people. I'm not sure I understood about the language thing, though... do you speak Spanish and not want to speak Spanish? Would you rather speak English?

I am in Sweden and my Swedish is currently intermediate, but it is majorly impacted by my lack of confidence and self esteem. What with the confusion and exhaustion of getting ready... and social anxiety and overstimulation (also, vestibular and visions problems) I just choose safety, coziness and sameness indoors most of the time. I want to take dance classes, music classes, I want to go to concerts and museums, but I have all these anxieties and discomforts not to mention disorganization, a low tolerance for frustration and low energy.

I guess there's a bit of vanity involved too. When I was younger, I was used to being pretty and feeling attractive. But since I gained weight and don't feel I can dress well or look good, it really makes me feel uncomfortable. Weight also makes me feel unwieldy and just... awkward. It would be different if I were ample and fit-- I know women who are really healthy women of size. But I am not one of them. I have a small frame and am just fat.
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Old 02-03-13, 12:01 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

Quote:
Originally Posted by Makennan View Post
I have always been a homebody. I like being in my house, just puttering around but lately it's been worrying me how unmotivated I am to go anywhere.

When I was younger I was like this too, but I had friends, family, a job, school. I was always fine with doing stuff with my friends or family if they made the plans, as long as it wasn't a big party with lots of people. I went to school and work regularly, but if left to my own devices, I always preferred being at home.

After I got married, my husband always made our plans for everything from going out to dinner to going to the gym to social events. So basically if it's something I HAVE to do or if someone else makes the plans I'll go along with it but I have no motivation to do this for myself. Sometimes I WANT to go somewhere but when I have no commitment to another person, time will just slip away and I'll tell myself I can just go tomorrow and then tomorrow never comes.

Now that my husband and I have split up, he takes the kids every other weekend, and I will just stay home all weekend. I have plans in my head, like I will go to the beach or call a friend and make plans or whatever but none of it ever happens. I don't work outside the home, so all I basically do is shuttle my kids to and from school and activities and errands that I HAVE to do. I don't feel like I'm depressed at all, just very unmotivated to leave the house.

I can't figure out why I am unable to make myself do things that I sometimes really want to do. It just seems too daunting to get myself ready to go anywhere. I've gotten much worse since I don't work outside the home anymore. It's gotten worse since I don't have my husband to make our plans anymore, and it's gotten worse because I live in Puerto Rico and I'm intimidated going out because at many of the places I go to they don't speak English. I suck at talking to people when they speak my language so adding that to it just raises my anxiety level. Does all of this sound like depression? I know that ADHD affects motivation but this seems extreme to me.
Depression can look like this. Usually, part of depression is that "things that should feel good, don't anymore". If good things still make you feel good, then you have a very strong chance of not being badly depressed.

Your problem can also be fear of something.


Or...

ADHD causes lack of acting on your motivations, or just lack of motivation, or whatever that should be called. ADHDers tend to wait for someone else to make the plan, tell us what to do. When no one tells us what to do, we tend to just sit there and keep waiting. Our planner sort of works (like you said about deciding to go to the beach or call a friend), but our do-er is definitely broken (we have the plan but never go through with it).

Easy to see how of course you shuttle your kids - someone else has planned that, you have no choice, so you do it. Somewhere between "own choice" and "action", ADHDers break down.
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Old 02-03-13, 12:34 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

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Originally Posted by mrs. dobbs View Post
I have many of the same issues. Getting out is too daunting a task-- just getting ready is frustrating and tiring. Being out is overstimulating, and I have social anxiety. Yet, I love being outdoors when I manage to do it. It just feels too rough to be around so many people and things happening at once, even if I feel like I want to be around people. I'm not sure I understood about the language thing, though... do you speak Spanish and not want to speak Spanish? Would you rather speak English?

I am in Sweden and my Swedish is currently intermediate, but it is majorly impacted by my lack of confidence and self esteem. What with the confusion and exhaustion of getting ready... and social anxiety and overstimulation (also, vestibular and visions problems) I just choose safety, coziness and sameness indoors most of the time. I want to take dance classes, music classes, I want to go to concerts and museums, but I have all these anxieties and discomforts not to mention disorganization, a low tolerance for frustration and low energy.

I guess there's a bit of vanity involved too. When I was younger, I was used to being pretty and feeling attractive. But since I gained weight and don't feel I can dress well or look good, it really makes me feel uncomfortable. Weight also makes me feel unwieldy and just... awkward. It would be different if I were ample and fit-- I know women who are really healthy women of size. But I am not one of them. I have a small frame and am just fat.
Thank you, you've expressed how I feel much better than I could have. All of it. I want to do so many things but I end up choosing the safety and comfort of home, that's exactly it. And when I do get out, I also end up feeling better. I know this but it doesn't make it any easier for the next time.

My Spanish is ok, but I also have social anxiety and low self-esteem. I get nervous when people start talking to me, and so flustered that I can't focus on what they are saying. I end up blurting out, "No hablo espanol." just to get them to leave me alone or speak English to me. But I avoid going anywhere because I react very awkwardly to people speaking Spanish to me, and I am too self-conscious to try my Spanish out in public. People here are very nice and appreciate any effort you make to speak Spanish and most are very willing to speak English even if they don't speak it well. I agonize over mistakes and feel foolish most of the time anyway, so I have difficulty doing anything that I'm not great at. I don't want to be ridiculed. I know it's crazy because people are not going to laugh at or ridicule me, but I can't get over the fear.

I just feel that I'm missing out on life, I'm always on the sidelines. I want to join in, but I get strangely paralyzed.
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Old 02-03-13, 12:53 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

I understand you completely. Left to my own devices I would rarely leave the house. I have 2 teenagers and I work part time but when I was out of work I rarely went out.

I do have a couple of good friends. They understand that basically I am a hermit, I cannot make any decisions, I have no motivation etc etc.
They arenīt pushy at all but they do send me numerous invitations, just to meet up with a few friends, as they know I donīt like a big group. They accept when I say no, but are always encouraging and I often go because I feel bad that they are making an effort.

I did find that the more effort I made the more sociable I have become, but it does require effort.
I live in Spain and itīs not my first language but I have found friends with whom I feel comfortable with, both Spanish and English, so I donīt feel uncomfortable when I make mistakes in Spanish.

I have no idea why Iīm like this but I know I have to make myself socialise and I do actually enjoy it most of the time. IF not, I just go home.

Do you have a good friend that you can talk to? It has taking me a long time for people to get to know the real me and for me to able to tell them that I am not a stuck up snobby ***** at all lol.
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Old 02-03-13, 12:55 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

Thanks for the compliment.

Quote:
I just feel that I'm missing out on life, I'm always on the sidelines. I want to join in, but I get strangely paralyzed.
(((makennan))) Me too. So badly!!

Do you think that splitting from your husband and working from home has caused a bit of depression? Anxiety and social anxiety are often part of depression. How long ago was your split? Also, isolation increases social anxiety and depression.

I know what you mean about being hard on yourself about speaking properly, freezing or stumbling through your words or generally seeming totally weird when it comes time to speak. AND how everyone else speaks imperfect English but somehow we magnify our own mistakes in Spanish or Swedish? Why?

I'd say it's because my self-esteem is pretty fragile at the moment, so I can't take even the possibility of ridicule. Sometimes people here are very brusque when I stumble through Swedish, even if their English is not so good. I also had some bad experiences with people being unkind and harassing me. It has to do with being American, and also being black but married to a white Swedish man. Other immigrants and Swedes of color here can see that as a bit of a betrayal.

So, it's not the same as Puerto Rico in that respect. But in a way, it's giving me a thicker skin, slowly but surely. I think isolation and not having interactions-- for better or worse, because the bad ones help me too (I am learning to see it as the other person's problem)-- are what cause me to become ever more depressed and anxious.

I'm sure there are other things going on... but that's what I can think of at the moment.
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Old 02-03-13, 02:02 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

Quote:
Originally Posted by dvdnvwls View Post
ADHD causes lack of acting on your motivations... Our planner sort of works (like you said about deciding to go to the beach or call a friend), but our do-er is definitely broken (we have the plan but never go through with it) .... you have no choice, so you do it. Somewhere between "own choice" and "action", ADHDers break down.
Yeah now that I think about it, I definitely have this going on. I think my situation is a confluence of the do-er problem (at least following through on plans or motivations)... and not being able to tease out all the steps involved in getting out ... being tripped up by contingencies and frustrations .... and social anxiety/depression. Not saying I want to be forced, as that feels even worse. But if someone were hovering around prying me out of the house, yes I'd be more likely to do it.
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Old 02-03-13, 02:26 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

i sork full time so this is less of an issue
i really love being out of the house but i remember what a huge struggle it was when mu son was little, and how i would leave an hour later than i had planned.

might i add this is just so nice to know other expats! (makennan - i live in france)
and really why are we so worried about our accents and speaking???
seriously do the people we know in our respective countries who speak english, speak flawlessly? no! yet im always impressed that they are bilingual. oh wait - so am I...
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Old 02-03-13, 02:29 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

Me too! It just seems like a lot of work.
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Old 02-03-13, 02:37 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

I'm right there with you. It use to take so much energy just to go food shopping. I'd be exhausted by the time I got home. Trying to keep my cool the entire time while I'm in the store just drained so much energy out of it.

I'm currently on some anxiety meds which seem to be helping with the anxiety but I'm still lazy. For example, we have a three day weekend and I've stayed at home the entire time doing nothing.

I mean, I'm in Germany and I'm not taking advantage of being over here. A co worker of mine invited me to Belgium since he was going to drive over there to pick up some beer but decided to pass on it.

Next weekend I'm going to make more of an effort to do something, even if its driving around or watching a movie.

I don't mind being home all day but, I'm afraid that few years down the road I'm going to regret not doing more with my time here. I was in Arizona for four years and never once did I go see the grand canyon. I dont regret it, although it would of been nice if I went.

If I were you I'd get with some friends and try to do something with them, my friend was texting me last night to go out and drink, I just wasn't in the mood, although next week I think I'm going to make more of an effort to go hang out with him. Maybe you should do the same =)
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Old 02-03-13, 03:03 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

oooh germany, awesome!
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Old 02-03-13, 04:34 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

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oooh germany, awesome!
Yeah it's awesome over here! They do one day trips to Paris every now and then, I might have to go over there and check it out one of these days. I'm only here for a year and a half more so, I need to get on it before its too late!
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Old 02-03-13, 04:44 PM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

i loved it,my son studied there last year we went 3 times.
paris is amazing! come in spring when its pretty again.
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Old 02-04-13, 05:34 AM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

In some of my darker times, I developed agoraphobia..maybe not a full blown diagnosis of one but it was damn near close to that. I had to do myown "immersion" therapy. For a week I drove around the block, and then each week, I drove a bit further or ran a quick errand. It took a long time, my husband was getting sick of running all of the errands but eventually it got better. It pops up every so often.
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Old 02-04-13, 07:51 AM
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Re: Never want to leave my house

Sounds like a lot like depression to me. I've got it too at the moment.

I am pretty comfortable on my own but also do like people.
Of course it's worse if you're not working like me.

When I'm depressed I don't feel like leaving the house...
so there's no 'necessity' to shower etc...
so then, even if I wanted to go out...
you cant just do it, there's the (apparently huge) drama of getting ready...
and on it goes until you break the chain.
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