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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 02-06-13, 08:08 PM
LostTheMarbles LostTheMarbles is offline
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Help understanding other people

I'm terrible with social cues, especially body language, hints and generally understanding of what responses people expect, unfortunately I don't have any long term friends I could ask since I'm off travelling around the world.

I've been reading up on body language recently but I can still only pick up on it when I consciously look for it. I was watching a girl I was hanging out with and her signals were really mixed, on other occasions I've messed up some how and lost other new friends. I'd love to just ask the people what they think so that I can learn but these aren't long term friends and is hate to drive them away.

Maybe some one here has some input as to what they were thinking or how I should have behaved?

1. I met a girl in a hostel, she was very friendly and we just ended up hanging around the hostel for the day since it was raining. We went for a couple of beers later that night (She invited me) and her body language turned quite closed, she had her arms crossed and was sat facing the tv with just her head turned in my direction. When I left, the last thing she said was "Thanks for keeping me sane", a phrase she's used at least twice.

2. Another girl, another hostel. I met her one night, we had a few drinks, got on well and the next day I asked if I could travel with her, it was awkward to start with, she was driving and kept asking if I was ok with everything she wanted to do, I just wanted here to do what she wanted. The next day was easier, I could tell she was having fun, we went to some great places and stayed in a nice hostel but that's where I think it must have gone wrong. She'd damaged her camera and lost a memory card, I wasn't sure how to respond, we were cooking together (her idea, I paid) and the oven wasn't working so things didn't go to plan. The next morning I asked if she wanted to stick together for another day and she said she wanted some time alone, I had to run off and catch a bus so I didn't really talk to her after that apart from saying good bye, she just said "You're leaving already?" which makes me wonder what she was thinking about me. I tried messaging her but she's totally ignoring me now, nothing I can really do.

I can handle the other aspects of ADHD, I know I'm smart and hard working, I don't let it get to me when some one questions that, its the social side that really hits me hard, I feel quite helpless when I drive people away, especially when we started out so well.

I really need to learn the social aspects to move my life forwards but I haven't got a clue how to do it, I'd love any other advice you may have.
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Old 02-11-13, 07:06 AM
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Re: Help understanding other people

Sometimes it really isnt about you although we has add'ers often think somewhat egotistically (not in a negative sense) that everything thats a "flaw" associated with our adhd means that WE are always the ones to f**k it up. Sometimes its the other "normies" that f**k things up .
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Old 02-12-13, 01:43 AM
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Re: Help understanding other people

Wish I could help, but my spaz brain is often too scattered to notice most non-verbal conversational signals. Usually try to make up for it by being as diplomatic, considerate, and cautious as possible.

Aside from that, there's really no way many people could accurately discern what those girls' feelings or thoughts were with the details that you can give. Situations are incredibly dynamic, and even in the middle of one, it is sometimes still difficult to guess at people's intentions, manipulations, goals, etc.
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Old 02-12-13, 03:57 AM
SquarePeg SquarePeg is offline
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Re: Help understanding other people

If you are talking about meeting someone of the opposite sex the picture can get somewhat confused, especially if the other person actually likes you but is shy and then tries to hide the fact. They then might start ignoring or insulting you and sending mixed messages.

So itīs not easy to tell, there are signs that they like you but if you are not confident you might miss them because you might think "Oh she canīt possibly like me".

If I like a guy I always insult them or are too shy to talk to them so talk to their mate instead!

I can never ever tell if a guy likes me unless he is way over the top obvious.

With friends, especially whilst travelling can be difficult because you are thrown together for long periods of time. You can also be giving out signals that others are responding to. Like I give out "keep away from me" signals, so people think I donīt want to be friendly, actually Iīm really shy and donīt have good social skills.

Sorry I canīt give you good suggestions I hope someone else can.
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