ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 05-16-13, 01:02 PM
blue592 blue592 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 52
Thanks: 41
Thanked 25 Times in 15 Posts
blue592 is on a distinguished road
What am I doing wrong??

I'm feeling so conflicted right now. I'm 21 and in college. I'm attractive, talented, and smart (maybe a little too smart), and love guys so much yet NOTHING ever happens to me in terms of a love life. Nothing. No boyfriends, no sex, no kissing, no holding hands, no dates. Sometimes I really feel like I'm going crazy because of how out of control my physical needs get. All of my friends are unique, smart, and mature, just like me. That doesn't stop them from getting guys, but it stops me. At the end of the day, they have no problem going up to random guys in bars and having conversations and flirting and going home with them. OR they have found the PERFECT guy who is now their boyfriend. I am the ONLY one who doesn't have the innate abilities that they have with getting guys' attention. I'm so open-minded too. I'm so nice and funny and I know it and I carry myself with confidence. Sometimes I feel like I'm really different from them and it's VERY frustrating. They'll give me advice and say, "usually I just do what's natural" and then tell me to go up to stranger and do x,y, and z and tell me it's uncomfortable and unnatural but it's what you have to do.

It's also so frustrating to see my friends get hit on when they already have boyfriends and I get nothing. I just love it when they're like, "sometimes I wish I wasn't dating someone because I get hit on SO much and it's so easy to flirt..." That makes ME feel horrible.

In my perfect world, I'd be with the "RIGHT PERSON" that I connect with on all levels, not just physically. But I'm convinced that "the right guy will come eventually" is absolute ********. I'm in a theater program, where the community is very tight-knit and we're all extremely passionate about what we do. There are only a handful of straight guys that I'm around every day. I became crazy about one of my good friends this year and thought, wow, this is the perfect guy. This is what it is to find the right person. I was totally myself around him. We clicked. I thought, forget bars, and dates, and pretentious flirting. It's not my thing. People like me connect with people on a deeper level, the way I connect with him...

Only tiny problem is, he has a girlfriend across the country!! So while I was obsessing over him and sometimes crying he was skyping with his gf, probably forgetting in that moment that I exist. I thought, this is ********. All the decent guys I know have girlfriends. All the douchebaggy guys have **** buddies.

I've really felt myself start to connect with one or two other guys in my program but I've stopped myself BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE GIRLFRIENDS. There is always going to be some agressive **** to snag the great guys. and the nice girls finish last. I finish last because I have patience. It takes me time to really develop feelings for someone and get to know them and that's the most meaningful way to start a relationship. But in the end, there is always going to be a shallow, dumb ***** who doesn't have that mindset and gets there first. What upsets me too is that a lot of these "dumb *******" are indeed very interesting and smart like me. SO WHY ARE THEY ABLE TO ACHIEVE THESE THINGS AND I'M NOT?

I guess I'm going to have to wait until I'm 35 to have sex. I'm NOT ok with that. I have needs!! I would totally have sex with a random from a bar but for some ******* reason that never ends up happening. What the hell do I do in this situation? I cannot spend my life waiting for guys to catch up to me in maturity. I'll be 30 by then and I truly cannot wait that long to have sex. What do I do?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-16-13, 01:16 PM
Abi Abi is offline
The Social Committee LIVES
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Underworld
Posts: 16,408
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks: 14,228
Thanked 17,726 Times in 8,887 Posts
Abi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What am I doing wrong??

try considering older guys, late 20s / early 30's
__________________
"If we were all ice cream [...] Abi would be rocky road" - RHW

"I think David Archuleta's picture is starting to annoy me." - BellaVita

"A glass of water is healthier than a glass of vodka - but you don't substitute one for the other." - aeon

Follow ADDForums on Twitter & Facebook
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-16-13, 03:47 PM
ThinkingOutLoud's Avatar
ThinkingOutLoud ThinkingOutLoud is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: anywhere
Posts: 647
Thanks: 186
Thanked 287 Times in 195 Posts
ThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the roughThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the roughThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the rough
Re: What am I doing wrong??

Have you tried any online dating?

True there are a lot of creeps... that's how I met my ex... well myspace. But don't use my example I ended up with a psycho... but they aren't all that way. There are some really nice guys out there that are single and not into the bar scene to pick up a one night stand or lush. I've never believed that meeting a guy should happen in a bar though. But what I was saying... they may just not get out much so have no way of meeting someone. And remember a single guy doesn't always want to be the third wheel on an outting. And how many blind dates does a person want to go on with their friends friends... there are only so many.

So there are dating websites... the best and safest is eharmony but it is also expensive but your not going to get hooked up with a freeloader or worse.

Then there is church. Ha... no offense anyone but church can be sticky if it doesn't work out... its almost as bad as the workplace. I don't recommend either.

I agree an older guy might be an idea... maybe mid 20's but I wouldnt go over 28... you want to be with someone that is young and likes to go out and have fun... guys once they hit 29 - 30 are really set in their ways by then and it could be difficult. No offense... and that gos for women too... by that age were getting set in our ways too to some extent.

Good luck :
Hugz
__________________
What did you say ?
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 05-16-13, 03:57 PM
Abi Abi is offline
The Social Committee LIVES
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Underworld
Posts: 16,408
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks: 14,228
Thanked 17,726 Times in 8,887 Posts
Abi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What am I doing wrong??

Quote:
guys once they hit 29 - 30 are really set in their ways by then and it could be difficult. No offense
Offense taken nonetheless
__________________
"If we were all ice cream [...] Abi would be rocky road" - RHW

"I think David Archuleta's picture is starting to annoy me." - BellaVita

"A glass of water is healthier than a glass of vodka - but you don't substitute one for the other." - aeon

Follow ADDForums on Twitter & Facebook
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Abi For This Useful Post:
ginniebean (05-16-13)
  #5  
Old 05-16-13, 04:01 PM
Botje Botje is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Europe
Posts: 41
Thanks: 11
Thanked 17 Times in 15 Posts
Botje is on a distinguished road
Re: What am I doing wrong??

To the OP, that sounds like my story. Im just a few years older. Getting very frustrated with it. Many many friends and colleagues have nice relationships and get to do all kind of nice things together. Holidays, going out, dinner, just the normal day to day stuff etc. And i am often left behind, although i have some great friends now who recognize that i am a bit lonely and they invite me for many things to do. They even hooked me up with a date but after a few dates that was over oh well.

I started dating online 5 months ago. In my area there aren't many singles online but i did have a date some time ago and that went good, curious where that date will take me. Had some very nice email contacts but only one lead to that date.
Maybe online works better for you?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-16-13, 04:14 PM
ValliGirl2012 ValliGirl2012 is offline
ADDvanced Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 231
Thanks: 282
Thanked 171 Times in 93 Posts
ValliGirl2012 is a glorious beacon of lightValliGirl2012 is a glorious beacon of lightValliGirl2012 is a glorious beacon of lightValliGirl2012 is a glorious beacon of lightValliGirl2012 is a glorious beacon of light
Re: What am I doing wrong??

I'm 29. My husband is 15 years older than me. Immature men are intimidated by smart and confident women.

My answer to you: You aren't doing anything wrong. Find debate teams, or scholastic teams, something along those lines. Or book clubs. Singles parties. Don't give up.

I will say I ended up marrying my best friend. I had no idea I was in love with him for the longest time and it happened when I stopped trying to find the perfect guy. And he truly is the perfect guy for me.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ValliGirl2012 For This Useful Post:
Abi (05-16-13)
  #7  
Old 05-16-13, 05:34 PM
Blanched Dubois's Avatar
Blanched Dubois Blanched Dubois is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: you carry your claim wherever you go - bob wier ACE
Posts: 1,958
Blog Entries: 23
Thanks: 1,386
Thanked 1,467 Times in 923 Posts
Blanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant future
Re: What am I doing wrong??

yep, my man was 10 yrs older than me....i reckon my peers just didn't dig my joie de vivre as much LOL....their loss

of course, i don't go looking...for 'love'....i kind of will it to me....i imagine what the guy would believe, behave, how he'd 'feel' to have around.... and if i'm lucky maybe i'll get a second chance in this lifetime for a great friend who is also a lover?

Idk....i have some friends who like the online dating thing...i have trust issues...and i am too mischievous by nature....i test, test, test lol

good luck! ( to all of us )
__________________
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

~ Sir Winston Churchill
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Blanched Dubois For This Useful Post:
ginniebean (05-16-13)
  #8  
Old 05-16-13, 07:10 PM
ThinkingOutLoud's Avatar
ThinkingOutLoud ThinkingOutLoud is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: anywhere
Posts: 647
Thanks: 186
Thanked 287 Times in 195 Posts
ThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the roughThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the roughThinkingOutLoud is a jewel in the rough
Re: What am I doing wrong??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Abi View Post
Offense taken nonetheless
Hugz baby!!!
__________________
What did you say ?
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ThinkingOutLoud For This Useful Post:
Abi (05-16-13), ginniebean (05-16-13)
  #9  
Old 05-16-13, 07:23 PM
Blanched Dubois's Avatar
Blanched Dubois Blanched Dubois is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: you carry your claim wherever you go - bob wier ACE
Posts: 1,958
Blog Entries: 23
Thanks: 1,386
Thanked 1,467 Times in 923 Posts
Blanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant futureBlanched Dubois has a brilliant future
Re: What am I doing wrong??

i only have one question for this whole forum
and that is

i can't remember i swear to Wallie and Beaver

oh yeah

who's moderating the moderators?

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM????????????????????? ????????????????lolxoxo:*
__________________
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

~ Sir Winston Churchill
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Blanched Dubois For This Useful Post:
ginniebean (05-16-13)
  #10  
Old 05-16-13, 07:36 PM
Abi Abi is offline
The Social Committee LIVES
 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: The Underworld
Posts: 16,408
Blog Entries: 4
Thanks: 14,228
Thanked 17,726 Times in 8,887 Posts
Abi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond reputeAbi has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What am I doing wrong??

The Andi Admin.

Who has powers, and whom the Andrew Admin no longer compensates with shoes.
__________________
"If we were all ice cream [...] Abi would be rocky road" - RHW

"I think David Archuleta's picture is starting to annoy me." - BellaVita

"A glass of water is healthier than a glass of vodka - but you don't substitute one for the other." - aeon

Follow ADDForums on Twitter & Facebook
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Abi For This Useful Post:
amberwillow (05-17-13), ginniebean (05-16-13)
  #11  
Old 05-17-13, 05:01 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 25,898
Thanks: 5,607
Thanked 30,231 Times in 13,787 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: What am I doing wrong??

I would never recommend being the "other"woman of course but in regards to guys you click with that have GF's sometimes thats how people end up with each other. I am not saying you go sleep with them or aggressively pursue them when they are already "in it to win it" with someone else but if you are being yourself and they are being themselves and you like each other than is it impossible that something stronger would develop? If your in college I assume your young and your peers are young too. Very few young people end up with the "one" in college. I was very fortunate. But I know that I had something really rare. All of my college friends met their significant others or at least permanent significant others post college.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Was I wrong? anonymouslyadd Relationships & Social Issues 52 10-18-11 11:26 AM
Yet *Another* Thing That's Wrong With Me needtonap General ADD Talk 4 07-07-09 02:52 AM
I have focus, but on the wrong things apm825 Adderall 17 11-06-04 01:52 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:18 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums