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  #1  
Old 07-14-13, 07:29 AM
OnTheEdge OnTheEdge is offline
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Lightbulb It is Getting very Bad

I am afraid I could be screwing up my life.

I am 43 year old male, First I am self diagnosed.

My best and oldest friend mentioned to me recently that he thought he had ADHD, and I said yeah maybe I have it and he replied yes, you most definitely do. I mentioned it to my brother who is a doctor, and he said of course you do, didn't you know you had it. Seems that I a; the last to know.

I did a couple of the online tests for what they are worth and maxed out in them.

Well somehow I got through school and university, got married had a couple of kids. I have a "career" as an IT developer. It all sounds normal unless you look at some of the events in retrospect. Which I will not go into now.

I always felt under-stimulated and that I never lived up to my potential. This combined with the death of my father 18 months ago led to my GP putting me on Paxil anti-depressants. This seems to help with the depressed feeling but I have been doing some stupid things lately.
I cannot concentrate at all and feel jumpy.
I quit my job because I could not take the boredom any longer
I became a self employed app developer who makes no money but I feel stimulated and challenged, and can finally put my creativity to use.

The most worrisome of all is: My wife has no interest in sex at all. This has led me to make some very stupid choices.
First let me add here I am a complete and total atheist which means I have no moral issue with what I am about to say.
Another aside since I started on the Anti Depressants I had a good side effect, I always used to be a fast ejaculator 2-3 minutes and I was done. So although I fantasised about sex a lot before I found it very unsatisfying. I used to try keep going another few minutes after I had cum for my partners benefit (I have this ability) . Since the medication I can keep going 20 minutes half an hour and have to concentrate hard to ever finish. You would think my wife would be happy, she does not care at all. So I put some adds on Craigslist and only men answered, so after a while I just went for it. While I like woman I did not have the option - (just one and we just kissed). But I found the whole thing with men exciting (oral) , maybe because I was not attracted to them. I think I have benefited from the experience by becoming more open minded and less judgemental. I would have judged myself not so long ago.

But I feel I have to stop doing this because I could screw my life up. I think the risk and the danger have been motivators.

There are many other stupid risky behaviours I could tell you about.

My question will medications help ?
Has anyone else been through what I am going through.

What about the Paxil, should I ask to stop.

What should I do.

This is a cry for help.
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  #2  
Old 07-14-13, 07:36 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Go see a psychiatrist.
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Old 07-14-13, 09:18 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

I can relate to making decisions and then regretting them later. I have always been an impulsive person. I also like the thrill of excitement. My doctor had me try adderall and I find that I dont act as impulsively and I dont seek the excitement as actively.

If you dont have a psychiatrist or a therapist, start with your primary care doctor. They can help guide you in the right direction.
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Old 07-14-13, 09:57 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

You're last line said it all.

You know what you need to do because while you claim to have no issue regarding sexual experimentation yet you're clearly guilty about it...time to tell this to someone who knows your history.

And only your Dr is going to be able to answer any med question.

Good luck.
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Old 07-14-13, 10:10 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Ditto to what everyone else has said, except that, if you can, go directly to a psychiatrist. You can bring your PCP up to speed.

And yes, medication can help. It is often the first step. However, it is only the beginning, but it sounds as if you need and want to get started ASAP.

Does your brother live near? Perhaps he knows a psychiatrist who has experience with adult diagnosis of ADHD.
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Old 07-14-13, 10:17 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Yes, you should see a pdoc who specializes in adult ADHD and talk therapy is a good thing too.

Talk with your doc about quitting Paxil - if you do, tapering is a must.

Adderall has helped with my impulsiveness though it sounds counterintuitive.
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Old 07-14-13, 10:21 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Thanks for the replies, I did go see a psychiatrist but that was due to questions I had with the Paxil. I have another appointment in 6 weeks I hope I can last that long.

As far as guilt issues for sexual experiments. I do not have guilt or regrets. I am scared I will get caught and do not think my spouse will be understanding despite the fact I have warned her, I do not think she took it seriously. I do not think getting caught will be in anyones best interests. I am also not very careful and have left traces around, could be my subconscious plotting revenge. Lets just say I will make a terrible spy.

Does anyone feel the a psychologist helps. I have never been to one but fear my negative preconceptions will poison the water. I have been tempted to try but my bad attitude and the cost havent got me to take the leap.
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Old 07-14-13, 10:29 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Excuse my ignorance what does "PCP up to speed" mean ?

No my brother lives on the other side of the planet.

Yes I do feel as if I need to act fast, Unfortunately I am in Europe for 6 weeks away from my docs. I will have to tough it out, problem I do not feel tough lately.

I do not even know if I can find an specialist Psyche. General one will have to do so;e reading. Doctors are becoming over specialised IMHO

Thank you all for taking the time to reply
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Old 07-14-13, 11:17 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

See a doctor or psychiatrist
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Old 07-14-13, 11:55 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

OK I get it now. PCP up to speed. PCP as in primary care provider and not as in Phencyclidine. Speed as is in.......OK
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Old 07-15-13, 12:45 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheEdge View Post
Excuse my ignorance what does "PCP up to speed" mean ?

No my brother lives on the other side of the planet.

Yes I do feel as if I need to act fast, Unfortunately I am in Europe for 6 weeks away from my docs. I will have to tough it out, problem I do not feel tough lately.

I do not even know if I can find an specialist Psyche. General one will have to do so;e reading. Doctors are becoming over specialised IMHO

Thank you all for taking the time to reply
When you have something unusual, you need someone with enough knowledge and experience to deal with the something unusual. Not all medical personnel are knowledgeable about adult diagnosis of ADHD. If you get the wrong doc, you will get the wrong advice. It is foolish economy to settle for someone who will "have to do some reading" to treat you appropriately.

If necessary or possible, check out the closest large medical center to see if they have an adult ADHD clinic or center or service. Or even call and ask if they could recommend someone in your part of the planet. They often keep that kind of information available.

You could also check out your state's chapter of the American Psychiatric Association, or check your state medical directory for psychiatrists, Sometimes they list particular interests, or you can just start calling around.

Good luck.
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Old 07-15-13, 12:50 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

I disagree with you about it being unusual, the prevalence seems to be very high. If the Dr is not comfortable with treating me obviously I will find someone who can.


Thank you for caring and advising.
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Old 07-15-13, 07:45 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

1. Slow down ( No decisions!!! )
2. Consult with reputable professionals
3. Get a second opinion whilst following the first opinions advice!
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Old 07-15-13, 07:48 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Slow down, not sure if I have that gear.
Thank you for the tips
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Old 07-15-13, 09:53 AM
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Re: It is Getting very Bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheEdge View Post
I disagree with you about it being unusual, the prevalence seems to be very high. If the Dr is not comfortable with treating me obviously I will find someone who can.


Thank you for caring and advising.
It may not be statistically unusual, but it is still true that there is a disproportionately high number of mental health personnel who are not experienced with diagnosing ADHD in adults. Lots of adults still get misdiagnosed.
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