Making wedding plans for ADD women!

[andrea76]

Hey Ladies,

It's official, I'm getting married!

Wondered if we could maybe discuss what it's like to ADD while planning a Wedding.

Share any tips, advice, hints, Do's and Don't, anecdotes, major disasters, and any other information that might be useful.

[Tara]

How are the plans coming?

My advice is to accept help from everybody who offers to help. Some people really love planning stuff like that.

[Andrew]

Congrats!!!!

[joanrdtobe]

Yes, Congrats Andrea I'm sure you'll make a beautiful bride

[ferrette1976]

I planned nearly all of my wedding. It was one of those things that I was able to hyperfocus on. Which is good - and bad.

The wedding became my life and when it was all over, I didn't know what to do with myself. Additionally, there were a few mishaps, none of which were my fault - so I was quite distraught over working so hard, and then not having control over those things.

If you want to hear, you won't believe what happened on my wedding day:

- My mother-in-law forgot one of the flower girl's dresses. The ceremony started 45 min late.

-We had a Unity candle and did not blow out the tapers. They were left burning. Finally they burned completely to the bottom and set the silk flowers ablaze. The wooden pedestal that the candle was on was ruined. Luckily, the church did not charge us for a replacement.

-We had pictures taken outside at a park. The mosquitoes were so bad that they literally had me running away. I couldn't take more than 15min. of photos.

-When we arrived at the reception, the wedding coordinator rushed to me and said in a panic "Ohmigod! You are so late! The guests are hungry and complaining!" Even though we served hors d’oeuvres before the meal.

- The wedding coordinator (above) was dressed in a skin tight, short, low cut blue dress. She flirted with every man in sight.

-The best man threw an F-Bomb in the toast, just for good measure.

-We invited a bridesmaid’s sister to the wedding so that she could look after one of the flower girls. Said babysitter got drunk at the reception. The flower girl’s dad (a groomsman) had to leave early. The drunk babysitter stayed (even though she was asked to leave), and partied.


Today, I find most of these things funny. For the most part, I look upon my wedding day with fondness. The one thing I can’t get over is that F-Bomb, only because I can still see how it bothers my dad – who took out a loan so I could have the reception at a swanky country club. It’s like, people can hurt me, but don’t hurt my family, you know? Obviously the best man had no respect, and no concept of what went into that day. My hubby is still friends with him, but will never see him in the same light again.

Sorry, I am getting long winded here! My advice:

-Know that things will go not as planned – just go with the flow.
-Try to keep things small. You will enjoy the day more.
-If money is an issue two things not to skimp on: the photographer and the dress.
-Remember, a wedding is just one day. It is a special day, but in my opinion, it is not the most important day of your life.
-Try to not pay attention to too many bridal magazines/websites. They really made me feel inadequate because I was not; going to a dept store to get perfectly matched foundation/getting a weekly pedicure/facial/having my teeth whitened/working out daily etc.

Congrats!

Hope this helps!

Diane

P.S. There are many things that went beautifully on my wedding day. If you want to hear about those, let me know!

[joanrdtobe]

Diane: I REALLY do intend/expect to be married in the next two years....and I haven't even met Mr. Right yet......I've never been married but want to be and so after I find a job, it's the dating scene for me until I find him.....

I haven't seen Andrea on these forums in a little while....she may come back......in the meantime....I would LOVE to hear the things that went BEAUTIFULLY on your wedding day (and when Andrea gets back here, she will see them here)......

[amiegrace]

You are entering a "brave new world!" I've been married for over a year and it has been a wonderful blessing.

The wedding was -- well, unusual. I never dreamed about my wedding when I was a little girl -- just never thought about it. When I started looking at the wedding books and all of the prep (didn't have mom/relatives to help), I had nervous attacks just thinking about planning it. My best friends were guys (mostly with ADD too) so they weren't helping things much.

We were paying for the wedding, so our main goal was not going into debt, period. Too much stress to start out with. It turned out to be a great idea -- no money woes. Families unable to contribute to the cause.

We ended up getting married at the courthouse with about 20 friends/family, then going to a restaurant, then all going to the beach. We stayed at a bed and breakfast and the rest at a seedy hotel (their expense).

It was great and low stress and gave us plenty of time with out-of-town guests. My best friend took pictures and made us a beautiful scrapbook.

I wouldn't change a thing, except for hiking up my dress running in the rain (late to my own wedding, of course) and showing my girdle.

If you do have one of those love to plan people who will do what you want -- go for it!! They are a gift from God.

[FlakeyGirl]

Ferrette-I agree and disagree-

TRUE:
Wedding day is not the most important day of your life, TODAY is.

Photog. is very important. We didn't get one, we just had photo ops for friends & family at the wedding & reception, hoping they'd pass the good ones on to us. They did and it was ok but, I regret not having a professional portrait done. Not so much for myself, but I know my kids will one day be interested.

Keep things small. This is so true, the event can take on a life of it's own and you may end up dreading the day instead of looking forward to it. Also, and this is just my experience so take it for that, I have found that there is an inverse correleation between how big and fancy the wedding is to how long/succesful the marriage is. Anyone feel free to sound off on that point.

NOT TRUE (IMHO):
Don't skimp on your dress. I must take issue with this one, girl! If you have limited funds for your wedding (and unless you are one of the Hilton sisters, who doesn't) Might I suggest spending on the things your guests will enjoy, such as food, entertainment, and beverages (if you imbibe).

You don't hear many people leaving a really spectacular wedding saying, "Dang, that was a great dress!" or "I thoroughly enjoyed the cathedral train and french lace!" On the other hand, people will complain audibly about crappy refreshments. I went to a wedding once with a CASH BAR and would have left, had my husband not been in the wedding party. Do drinks or don't do 'em, just don't do 'em half-a**ed.

Your husband to be (althought he may tell you differently to be sweet) does not care what kind of dress you have on as long as it is white . Unless you plan to leave the price tag/designer label showing, who's gonna know? Just feel pretty in it. You also may want to spend a little more on your ...ahem...foundation garments. Good ones can make all the difference on how a less expensive dress looks on you. Likewise for all your clothes, really.

If you you are really into the designer thing, there are places you can rent the overpriced frocks, great knockoffs, or it may be cheaper to have a dressmaker copy a big-name design.

That's my 20 cents .

[mandjr]

I'm getting married in June, and I suck at details...so my sister, who loves the whole planning bit is helping. The DJ guy I hired actually called her and asked her if I was okay, because I was the most nonchalant bride he had ever met and he was nervous. she explained that I'm the type of person who likes to hire people to do the job and I expect not to have a ton of input. I am quite laid back I guess, all I kept saying to him was "I just want to have fun", which has become my mantra. I will kick start into high gear I guess in january, but I can not focus on it until after the holidays. my advice, if you have the money, hire a planner and tell them what you want and let someone else make it happen. if money IS an object (which it is with me) enlist one of those freaky martha stuart type friends who love planning... trust me much less stress.
I am living with my fiance and I love him so much and we have such a great time together that marrying him will be a piece of cake and I'm not even sure I care about much of the details. I don't know why... it must be love. I only care about how happy I'lll be and how happy he'll be and how great it will be...

you can also get reminders in your email inbox from bridalspace.com or a similar site (I forget of course) that gives you a weekly task of what you should be doing for the wedding (you have to register and give your date etc...)

so good luck, remember, at least with ADD I find not only can I not handle the details, I'm really not all that neurotic about them anyway...!!!

wedding planning - KEEP IT FUN!

and congrats!

[healthwiz]

I recall our wedding. I wanted simple - the beach would have been fine! My wife wanted spectacular, so we really went the whole 9 yards and then some. The planning I left mostly up to her, and I think thats the way she wanted it. I didn't care what color things were. The only thing I chose were the ties the grooms men wore, location of the dinner the night before the wedding, hotel where guests stayed, and I helped choose the menus, and of course the best man, and the honey moon suite!

Otherwise I was not into the details. I'm lucky I made it to the wedding because I got so smashed at the bachelors party. It was rediculous how drunk I got and my hangover made it very difficult to enjoy all the splendor of the wedding. Lets just say one of my brothers made it a point to have a russian style shots contest with me before the night was over, to see who could stay above the table, and well, I guess I ended up on the floor, but not before I danced with even one of the male party guests who my wife arranged to attend the bachelors party! Oh my gosh, my wife was angry about that for years, because I was really really really hung over and practically could not go to the wedding!

That aside, when all was done, and we got to our honey moon suite we both collapsed, from the months of planning, the stress, and the fact that it was finally over.

First I'd suggest not following our example. We both regretted the way we did it. We were too exhausted at the end and we both cried about it being too stressful.

Next I'd say to warn your hubby to be, that getting totally wasted at the bachelors party is not too wise, and maybe have him schedule it a week before the wedding instead of the night before the wedding, just incase he is slightly drunk and someone challenges him to a real drinking contest.

I also suggest you do as others advised, and get someone else to do much of the planning for you, so you can relax more, and enjoy more of the wedding. After all, it may not be the most important day of your life, but the idea is to enjoy your wedding day and make it a wonderful memory. It may not be perfect, but atleast you won't be too exhausted and nervous to truly enjoy the richness of the magical occasion.

To me, I agree, all wedding dresses are beautiful. I don't think my wife's dress was extraordinarily expensive, but she looked stunning in it. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

I also agree, the food choices are important, to make guests happy, and I agree a cash bar is very poor taste. Music, really good music and some entertainers who can liven up the crowd, that is extremely important. Comedy never hurts, so an MC who can make it a celebration and get everyone dancing will make it a hit. We had a band, but we also had a classical guitar soloist who really struck a note with the crowd and got them listening to the music.

Thats my 3 1/2 cents!

Best of luck and Congratulations!!!

Jonathan

[ej35401]

I got married a year ago and have a bit to share, but can see that we haven't heard for the bride on this topic since it was started..???

[pembroke]

i noticed the absence of a bride-to-be too - perhaps she is just reading all the posts.

My wedding was "home-grown"; my mother did: the food, the flowers, the decorations. My mom's brother did the photos and music (with some help from other amateur photogs). Mom farmed out the cake (it was spectacular) and we bought the dress on sale. My husband and I ended up leaving our reception last. I never did understand why the bride and groom split from their party so soon....we had a blast. And besides being a little bit green (literally) before the wedding, once they got 2 glasses of wine in me, i was fine. jusht dandy.
enjoy your day. it's only one day. but it is your day.

[FlakeyGirl]

My wedding was home grown, too. It was perfect except for the one thing I asked my brother to take care of...liquid refreshments. He was in college and worked at a liquor store at the time. My parents gave him the budgeted money, figuring he'd be able to stretch it pretty far with his "connection." Sadly, I am not joking or exaggerating when I tell you all that the twirp brought over FIFTEEN CASES OF NATTY LITE AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFORE THE WEDDING! Thank goodness I had no knowledge of this until I arrived at the reception, or I'd not be married and sitting on death row for murder.

Lesson: don't put my brother in charge of your drinks!

[krisp]

Too funny, FG. We had a relatively cheap wedding, with a dress made for me by a friend, and a professional photog who did our pics for free because he was a friend. I couldn't see spending a lot of money on the wedding, because it was just one day out of our lives, we could better use our money to buy a house later, and (ahem) we had bigger expenses coming up in a few months.

[pembroke]

Yeah, krisp, i was 5 months pregnant when we got married. But, we were engaged when we got married - i wanted the baby more than the husband at the time.... silly me. The baby only stays for 20 years, the husband forever. But, he's a keeper...