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Old 11-04-13, 09:38 PM
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Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

how do you cope with being a late bloomer?

I feel frustrated being left behind on many aspects of life while other people already accomplish goals.

How do I catch up?

for example, most people whom I know already got married and have steady well paid jobs.

my work experience has been spotty due to medication which cause drowsiness hence I was fired a few times.
now I have a full time job that I am scared of getting fired or laid off.This causes a great deal of anxiety for me.
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Old 11-04-13, 10:03 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Oh! When I read your topic title, I thought, "Basically you have ADHD all your life, no late blooming ADHD really" - but you mean "people who are sort of behind in development and behind in life, because of ADHD" - correct?

If that's what you mean - well, it's almost all of us in some way. I think the ways that you catch up depend on the ways that you feel left behind. Obviously you don't just run out and find some random person and get married tomorrow. But finding a job that turns out well for both you and your employer can be a challenge. There are a lot of fairly-recent threads on the board on what jobs people have that have turned out well (or badly!), what strategies they've found help them, and so on.
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Old 11-04-13, 10:40 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Hey man (or woman), I know it sounds so old but you got to live your life. Instead of peering down to see how fast you are going, you should be driving with your head out the window sucking up whatever life has to offer. I am or was down a path similar to what you may describe and know the emotional pain you may or may not have. Try not to beat yourself up. Your peers may be in different situations then you but you have experienced much more than they could or would even want to imagine. Stay strong and keep on keeping on.
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Old 11-04-13, 11:18 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Right here!!! 13 yo in a 31yo body.

Failure to launch is what I call it.
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Old 11-05-13, 06:01 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?
Well, I am one. Beginning to bloom. I am 27 and finishing my BSc now (which is late). I am getting control over my life, meaning: I've developed new habits, ways of thinking, discipline. It's difficult to continuously stay in control though, more on this later in my post.

I think it is very rare for a person with ADD to not be "late", so most people on this forum are "late". About the "bloomer" part, well, if you define it in general "succes" (whatever that is),I think most of us here are somewhere on the way to go "blooming" and a few people already do so. So, yes, there are people who are quite successful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
how do you cope with being a late bloomer?
Well frankly I start to care less and less about comparing myself with other people. I used to think that I should argue/defend my position, that I am worthy of respect because I try hard, I work hard, I've got more challenge, etc. Though that approach has been helpful to do for some time, I now don't like to do that anymore.

I think it's not important to prove that you are worthy of respect and love. You already are, you're a human. I don't like to judge other people so I should also not judge myself.

So, I deal with being a late bloomer by not seeing it as an issue. I am alive and more and more alive. That's what blooming means for me. I love that I've learned much more about how I work and that I can use that to my advantage; not only to become more "successful" in terms of productivity and career (which, though important, does not determine my value as a human) but also more alive; more in touch with my needs and more able to connect to other people in meaningful ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
I feel frustrated being left behind on many aspects of life while other people already accomplish goals.
I am sorry, I empathise with your feelings. I have felt the same and I know how awful it is. Above I described how I dealt with this, but I must add that I still feel this way from time to time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
How do I catch up?
Ok short and simple advice (I have a maximum of 1 hour per study day (9-5) on this forum), but the best one I can give you:
Find things that help you be more productive that also make you feel good, and eliminate those things that do the opposite. Expand the good things more and more, and continue eliminating bad things. Don't focus too much on this either, it's easy to hyperfocus on improving your life, and be patient.

Examples of good things (for me, you have to find yours): walking, running, cycling, meditating, reading, quality time with friends, stable sleeping pattern (10.30-7 am), etc.

And bad things: overuse of the internet (>1 hour per day), worrying, focussing too much on goals, sleeping late, skipping meals.

Build in good things one by one. Slowly. Again, try to not see these as goals, I know this is hard, but do not overfocus on doing them. We AD(H)D people don't have less attention then other people, but our attention is not in our control; we change from no focus to hyperfocus all the time. Try to do these things while avoiding both extremes. Just enjoy doing a 15 minute walk, for example. Then get back to work. Do that once per week. Second week, add another walk. Or a bit of reading.

You'll notice that those things make you feel good. Perhaps not in the start (I dislike the first 5-10 minutes of running) but after starting them, you feel better (and you'll know this in advance eventually) and afterwards you'll feel great! Enjoy this process!

Don't judge yourself. If you notice such a thought, ignore it. Sometimes this is easy (it'll get easier), sometimes it's hard. When it's hard, I know that I am tired and I should get some sleep. I know that I forget about it after a good night sleep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by picard View Post
for example, most people whom I know already got married and have steady well paid jobs.

my work experience has been spotty due to medication which cause drowsiness hence I was fired a few times.
now I have a full time job that I am scared of getting fired or laid off.This causes a great deal of anxiety for me.
Wow, you have a full time job. That's great. I hope to get that too after I finish my BSc! I hope my post was useful.

People often say here: "be nice for yourself". I often think that when I start judging myself again/worrying/comparing, I think this is a good start. Every time you manage to think positive is a victory and the more you manage to do this, the more positive you'll feel.

Why does this focus on thoughts and feelings matter so much? Because if you feel better, your life will also get better. It'll get easier and easier to do the good things and doing those "bad" things will not be attractive to you anymore. You'll forget about those. I wish you all the best!
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Old 11-05-13, 06:28 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mcgregger44 View Post
Hey man (or woman), I know it sounds so old but you got to live your life. Instead of peering down to see how fast you are going, you should be driving with your head out the window sucking up whatever life has to offer. I am or was down a path similar to what you may describe and know the emotional pain you may or may not have. Try not to beat yourself up. Your peers may be in different situations then you but you have experienced much more than they could or would even want to imagine. Stay strong and keep on keeping on.
^^ This.

I've always felt like a late bloomer. A late blooming looser really. I am lagging behind pretty much on all conventional mile stones compared to my peers but I think, what made it worse is the people around me telling me constantly how late with everything I am. When I just joined high school, my best friend kept complaining because I wasn't that much into boys, make-up and partying yet (and I didn't read trash girly magazines, which apparently was something of a rite of passage ), a few years later, my friends thought I was a late bloomer because I was still a virgin. When I was mid 20ies, my mom (+ relatives) panicked because I wasn't married yet. Now she (+ relatives) are panicking because I don't have kids yet. My husband till recently kept telling me how late I am with starting my career, etc.

It's all relative and it rarely matters in reality to your life what your peers have achieved already. I don't think, I lost out on anything because I didn't read girly magazines when I was supposed to (never got the hang of those, if they are a rite of passage it's because they test your tolerance for boredom and reading absolute rubbish). I didn't lose out because I didn't get married when my mom wanted me to and the advantage of doing my last degree rather late in life, is that I was able to do something that I really love and being slightly older and very, very slightly wiser helped me doing it.

What's important are not the conventional mile stones of your peers but your own mile stones. What do you want to achieve and when? Even then, I'd say, don't put too much of pressure on yourself. I think, achieving other people's goals is completely useless (at least for yourself) and achieving your own goals is only slightly more useful.

I don't actually know what's important but I think that whatever you do and whenever you do it, just enjoy the ride if you can.
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Old 11-05-13, 07:53 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Yup, late bloomer here... We don't catch up tho' Just reveal/nurture/express/value the inner us whilst instilling habits that allow us to function amongst that which is outside.
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Old 11-05-13, 08:35 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

I don't know if I count as one, since "being late" depends a lot on each culture.

I'm 27, I finished college and have a steady job, but I still live with my parents, spend a lot of time with them, don't do any housework yet, I've never been in a relationship, marriage and children are out of the question. I'm still trying to get a diagnosis and some medication, but that's something that might never happen, since this disorder doesn't really exist around here. In the meantime, I hope to find an affordable therapist.

If I were you, I would focus more on your anxiety, because I suffer from it myself and I know how hard it is to deal with anything else. Besides that, try to keep your job so, at least you can make a living. I wouldn't worry that much about having a family. If you're not cut out to be a parent or a wife/husband, you'll never find happiness in that.
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Old 11-05-13, 08:39 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

I am one of the latest bloomers in the history of mankind. My life has been so slow I didnt need a calendar, I needed a glacier to keep time.

The most essential quality of life, I believe, is to be yourself. Do not compare yourself with anyone else. You will always come to grief if you do. This is your journey. Go ahead, one step at a time, and savour the experience.
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Old 11-05-13, 09:53 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

im behind in everything in life compared to most people basically. developed a little later (which just did and still does wonders for my depression), never had a real paying job, never been in a relationship...other things related to that nature, still struggle with social things somehow despite being in a frat (at least i did that right).

i never actually equated me being ADHD with these things (plus i already have been told a potential but legit-sounding reason why my development was stunted...******* allergy shots), but i dont know if it is an actual factor. it seems these things happened alongside with ADHD but not actually caused by it for me. but then again i dont know cuz i have bad memory
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Old 11-06-13, 10:29 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

Another late bloomer here. I learned what it meant and how to do it at the same time most people do, but I didn't start acting and living like an adult and exercising adult responsibilities until I was in my late twenties. Now I'm in my thirties and I still have no prospects of getting married, or buying a house, and I haven't finished a 4-year degree and I still haven't gotten a job that is more like a career than just a job.

On top of the executive-functioning issues, I think the reason ADHD may result in one being a late bloomer is the fact that ADHD is a disorder that, like Barkley brilliantly states, keeps one from doing what they know. Eventually one can reach a point, or a series of such points in their lives where they MUST do what they know as a necessity to survice and grow as an adult that hard way. Or, rather than just adapting, one can get help with ADHD and tear down the wall that separates best intentions from personal action and really flourish as an adult.
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Old 11-06-13, 10:35 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

More like a freaking non bloomer muhahaha.
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Old 11-09-13, 09:19 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

thanks for your answer guys.
how do you answer other people questions about being slow? They might think we are morons.
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Old 11-09-13, 09:24 AM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

They can think what they wish.

It's interesting. I borrowed a book on "charisma" from the library. It recommends pausing for 3 to 5 seconds before answering any questions...

So, double bonus! Time to think AND ADD'ED mojo

Once you drop some of the expectations, it gets easier
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Old 11-09-13, 10:45 PM
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Re: Is there any late bloomer ADDer here?

I am a late bloomer too!! It's a combination of ADHD and family of origin issues that have created a perfect storm of not being where so many others are at my age- 43. It's so odd to have very mundane and "simply living life" type things that others don't even think twice about or haven't for 20+ years be my lofty goals!!
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