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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #61  
Old 05-03-06, 12:46 PM
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This is a very good place for folks with ADD. Because there are a great variety of people here in various stages of learning to deal with being different, and a huge store of available wisdom among them. Lord knows I've learned a lot here about how to manage things. I'm not saying I'm great at implementing all of it yet, but I'm getting better at it. I just wish I could get better at it faster. :-)
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  #62  
Old 05-03-06, 12:50 PM
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Me too!
But at least our Hurry Up I Want To Be There NOW attitude will get us there as fast as possible!
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  #63  
Old 05-03-06, 12:52 PM
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One hopes....

Life would be so much easier if I took over the world and became the emperor of everything.... Then I could be as ADD as I wanted.
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  #64  
Old 05-03-06, 12:58 PM
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I nominate E-boy as World Emperor!!




That's one!
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  #65  
Old 05-03-06, 01:01 PM
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It's not an elected position. First you amass vast armies of mutant cyborg shock troops... Then you intimidate all the boring mean people into surrendering. Then you pull the stick out of society's keister and rule in infinite splendor!!!!

Yeah, I need a nap.
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  #66  
Old 05-03-06, 01:07 PM
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OooOOoOOoOoh! Sounds like you'll need a metal mask and a sinister name!

May I suggest "Master Fluffball"?
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  #67  
Old 05-03-06, 01:16 PM
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Fluffball? not very intimidating is it? Then again I have to admit I'm not very intimidating either....
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  #68  
Old 05-03-06, 01:20 PM
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Giant Master Fluffball?
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  #69  
Old 05-03-06, 02:00 PM
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It's just too honest....
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  #70  
Old 05-03-06, 02:11 PM
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LOL!
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  #71  
Old 05-03-06, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chameleon
That leads me to wonder if I'm subconsciously ruining healthy relationships, yet letting unhealthy ones flourish.
That's a pretty scary thought. And if it's true I'll be furious at myself for ruining my own chance at happiness…
Not likely to be happening, at least not in the way you think.

The drivers for those self-destructive behavioral elements are partially hidden by mechanisms we call ‘black holes’. They’re related to dissociation and other similar phenomena.

The reason that the black holes exist is to obscure the contradictions between the two sets of behaviors associated with the two human mating strategies. Apparent free-will and self-determinism present a knotty problem in evolutionary terms: we need to be strongly convinced that we should procreate in very specific ways, but the associated behavioral patterns must seem to be a choice.

From all the evidence we’ve been able to gather, it’s apparent that there are two general adaptations to accommodate this. First, the ‘choices’ of mating behavior we see available to us are contrived to seem natural in an extremely seductive way; they’re candy coated, so to speak. Second, a relatively simple aversion mechanism makes examining the choices too closely seem distasteful, and as result most of us fail to build any models of that behavior. Thus, the black hole.

As we said, black holes are necessary because the two sets of behaviors are contradictory; in the case of the female version of the primitive strategy, there isn’t even any pleasure component. The goals and roles are simply designed to maximize survival.

Nevertheless, the associated behaviors seem as natural and compelling as those associated with the modern strategy, long-term pair bonding, which are much nicer. The trick is in how the switch is made, and what you do to handle the inevitable consequences.

That’s pretty much what the thread is about. It reasonably certain you aren’t derailing your own happiness, but what you describe is typical of what happens when you’ve been bumped from the modern set of behaviors to the less attractive primitive ones.

In fairness to males, we usually aren’t any more aware of our impulses to use the mechanisms by which females are vulnerable to being switched to the behaviors associated with the primitive strategy. And the ‘use’ is nothing like a sure thing; the hallmark of a male utilizing the primitive strategy is desperation.

As in most things, information is the best foundation of any defense. From what you’ve posted, it seems likely you’ll be fine. You’re certainly asking the right questions.

Good luck. –Tom and Kay
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  #72  
Old 05-17-06, 10:41 AM
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To be honest, I read the original article there and found it to be completely stupid. It basically says "If your first date is an utter ***hole, he might be an abuser".. whoa, that's pretty perceptive lol. I mean, also, at what point on a first date is a guy gonna say "actually I like violent sex and kinda like the idea of sex with children" ? There's countless other things on there that are just stupid, things you might not spot in years, let alone hours, of meeting someone, and other things you really shouldn't have to be told to avoid.
The problem for a lot of women I know who have ended up in abusive relationships is that they don't notice what the guys are like for a long time, a lot of these guys are perfectly nice to all intents and purposes until the abusive tendencies are drawn out by a highly stressful situation, like an argument. Because these kind of situations are often started in a private environment, often the abuse can remain unknown to her friends and family because it happens behind closed doors, rather than some obviously domineering man pushing his poor girl about in public.
Furthermore, I've found my own problems in starting relationships is that girls are often on the lookout for any bad impressions on the first date - I've often lost girls because they're scared of commitment, when in reality that's not what I wanted at all, just to be comfortable that this girl felt the same way about me. So in the short term I can appear impulsive, paranoid and clingy - whereas in the long term my longer relationships can confirm that I chill out a lot and am actually nothing like that. If anything my problem is the ADD, I can be innatentive - an issue I now make an effort to resolve. At times I can also appear aggressive and argumentative - because I'm abusive? No, because first I can get easily frustrated in times of stress so have a tendency to rant it out, have a shout at the world in general right then and get it out of my system. And that's great. Why? Because by acting like this, I don't take out my woes on people who don't deserve it. In fact my ex used to just end up giggling at silly Josh going off on one, and was more taken aback at how upset I was when she said 'you can be quite scary sometimes, I wouldn't like to be on the receiving end'. The thought of girls being scared of me horrifies me and if I feel I've intimidated my girlfriend I can become very awkward, apologetic and gentle with them (which normally gets me laughed at hehe). However there's a flip side, I also can be argumentative and challenging because I like a good challenge. Who wants a subservient cow with no mind of her own? No ta, I like strong-minded and intelligent women thankyousomuch, I like a person who challenges me and keeps my interest.
So many poor women continue to be abused because they avoid the honest, straight up guys and go for the BSing slimeballs who abuse them in the long term. Of course I don't often get that far because crappy neo-feminist literature has labelled me an abuser on the first date.
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  #73  
Old 05-17-06, 11:27 AM
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Pardon me while I slip into something asbestos...
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A: Yes.
>Q: Are you sure?
>>A: Because it reverses the logical flow of conversation.
>>>Q: Why is top posting frowned upon?

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  #74  
Old 05-17-06, 01:11 PM
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Scorpions aren't made of asbestos. If they were, they'd be all the more deadly.
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"Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride ...' And we ... kill those people."
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  #75  
Old 05-17-06, 01:19 PM
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I remain unconfused.
Hugs. Ian
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A: Yes.
>Q: Are you sure?
>>A: Because it reverses the logical flow of conversation.
>>>Q: Why is top posting frowned upon?

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