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Old 11-22-15, 10:00 PM
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Exclamation 3 reasons never to share your ADD

1. Employees could scapegoat you when problems arose
2. Your boss may doubt your ability to accomplish assignments
3. You may be looked over for advancement opportunities

I cannot stress enough the danger in sharing your ADD with your employer. It is not worth the risk. I found this article here!

My ADD coach told me never to share that I had ADD unless my job was placed on the line. She had ADD, too. Why would she tell me that if it wasn't important?
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Old 11-23-15, 12:04 AM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

Another thing I found is that if anything is missing or a story arises that someone lost something it tends to get tied to you even if it was not you that time.
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Old 11-23-15, 12:16 AM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

Otoh pretending everything is all right is not ok.

I think sitting down and figuring out systems is important. Maybe dont call it add if you think it would be an issue.

All my bosses figured out I was a scatterbrain quickly. One grabbed a jacket I left behind and brought it to me with a motherly admonishment that I need to work on not leaving things. Embarassing when it takes less than a week
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Old 11-23-15, 05:08 AM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

I agree with you anon. Even if you do well with something, you dont want your boss to think : "even with adhd he still pulled it off!" Its not always the negative we have to worry about. We want our accomplishments to be admired without the adhd getting in the way.
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Old 11-23-15, 07:13 AM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post
1. Employees could scapegoat you when problems arose
2. Your boss may doubt your ability to accomplish assignments
3. You may be looked over for advancement opportunities
I totally agree. People believe that laws against discrimination will help, but one can always argue that some qualities are required here and you don't seem qualified - whether you call it ADHD or not. I'm not yet open with my diagnose, officially I'm just Coocoo NOS. The problem is, I already experience those issues. It's like they try to hide me in a corner where I can neither do good or bad.

Nevertheless: I do intend to come out in the future, as soon as I've figured out how to reveil it. It takes too much energy hiding it and I really don't feel I have much to lose. I still hope it can make it easier for some people to understand that I'm not bipolar or borderline-psychothic, that I don't have any personality disorder and that I'm not a wild animal. I'm not saying that the conditions mentioned above would necessarily disqualify me, but it's a problem that people are reading in the wrong things in my behaviors.
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Old 11-23-15, 01:47 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

I totally agree. People believe that laws against discrimination will help, but one can always argue that some qualities are required here and you don't seem qualified - whether you call it ADHD or not. I'm not yet open with my diagnose, officially I'm just Coocoo NOS. The problem is, I already experience those issues. It's like they try to hide me in a corner where I can neither do good or bad.

Nevertheless: I do intend to come out in the future, as soon as I've figured out how to reveil it. It takes too much energy hiding it and I really don't feel I have much to lose. I still hope it can make it easier for some people to understand that I'm not bipolar or borderline-psychothic, that I don't have any personality disorder and that I'm not a wild animal. I'm not saying that the conditions mentioned above would necessarily disqualify me, but it's a problem that people are reading in the wrong things in my behaviors.

These are my words exactly. Let me break this down for you.

I totally agree. People believe that laws against discrimination will help, but one can always argue that some qualities are required here and you don't seem qualified - whether you call it ADHD or not. I'm not yet open with my diagnose, officially I'm just Coocoo NOS.

What seems to be missing here is how people feel this way about you. This is how they feel already...you ARE an animal to them .....they are the ones who are not being honest and coming out and saying so to your face but they are thinking it and feeling it just the same. I see them as cowards and weak for not having the same courage as I do to simply come forth, admit your failings and be open and honest which requires you to take ownership of it and speak directly to others if you can summon the courage to do this with them. There is no way I can see doing this without having to admit that you cannot do some things the same as other people. If you don't want this to happen. Don't be honest and open.

Animals do not deserve to be treated the same as humans and therefore are disqualified period. Not just at work....everywhere you go in all your relationships across the board. ADHD dehumanizes you automatically as a person and nothing you do is going to change how another person feels about this no matter what you do. You are in check mate and don't even realize that you are and the game is over but you keep playing anyway thinking that you have a chance to win when there is no chance or hope of winning ever. If this is the case.....why play the game?

This is my experience exactly. All three things happened as described when I stupidly and ignorantly thought that I had a responsibility to be open and honest and inform my employer that whatever it was he thought he saw was not accurate and then explain to him my limitations in only 1 or 2 areas of concern. The problem was (in my stupid ignorant view)...that the attitude he had towards me was already there and he had already formed his opinion from the first impression that to the things he saw.

As a net result of this for me....the attitudes and treatment I received only became worse than before. I had just handed my boss and co workers the perfect excuse and justification to treat me like an indentured servant and dehumanize me in their eyes.( I used the "N" word as a metaphor only to express my personal feelings about this as a means to compare the same injustice to myself in my attempt to get them to see their contribution to why I was so angry.

Ultimately...this ended up with me almost beating the s*&t out of one of my co workers after work in the parking lot of our employer when he mouthed off this attitude to me (now...one too many times) outside of the safety of work in our off time without the roles and expectations in place to prevent this. This interchange concluded with two other co workers having to hold both my arms and hold me back because I was going to beat him within an inch of his life if he didn't step down and recant his attitude towards me. I ended up breaking a toe when I got a lucky kick in while my arms were held back and caught this guy in the hip only inches from his gonads which was my intended target. I realize now in retrospect....his words meant nothing and had no effect on my self esteem what so ever. I was offended, furious and angry at his tone, his attitude and the thoughts behind it that I know like the back of my hand. I just never put two and two together before since I don't see myself (my self image or self esteem) being based on my failings and have never had any lack of self confidence that would say...just because I have ADHD....does it preclude me from doing anything or disqualify me from being treated like anyone else.

The problem with laws that protect people from discrimination or being treated differently....is that only force people to go against how they feel and prevent them from acting on those feelings. The feelings are there whether the law is or not. It will not protect you from what other people think about you and how people feel about what they see on a personal level. In a moment of somewhat justifiable anger towards my co worker (his actions were completely out of line and unacceptable using any standard you can think of).....it ignorance on my end was my inability to understand this. No law or beating the crap out of a person is going to change how someone else feels and if they feel you do not qualify for the basic respects as everyone else.....the is literally nothing you can do about it. I was attempting to beat the respect I felt I deserved out of my co worker and force him (the same as the law would do) to give me a respect that I felt I deserved and he did not.

Ultimately....I quit this job only two weeks later after 26 years of employment by walking out one day without notice or without even talking to him directly and only telling one of his family members who had been reasonable with me in the past who I felt would be the only source who might not take this attitude and use it against me in the moment which I knew if that were to happen....I would probably lose it and come unglued at the seems I was so furious and disgusted at the entire situation. I never looked back and I never talked to anyone there since even with numerous phone calls and attempts to contact me and try and get me to talk to them. They needed resolution the same as I did but I felt so self righteous in my own defense that if I was not going to get any resolution to this problem....neither were they. If I have to live it ....so do you.

I totally get what you are saying....being a little coocoo is better than handing them a golden pass to be disrespectful and dehumanize you which all anyone needs to do this. The attitude and how they feel about me are already there by any other name you choose to call it.

I totally agree. People believe that laws against discrimination will help, but one can always argue that some qualities are required here and you don't seem qualified - whether you call it ADHD or not. I'm not yet open with my diagnose, officially I'm just Coocoo NOS. The problem is, I already experience those issues. It's like they try to hide me in a corner where I can neither do good or bad.

Nevertheless: I do intend to come out in the future, as soon as I've figured out how to reveil it.

This is the paradox isn't it?....it's not about how you do it....it's how do you get other people to change how they feel about it no matter what you or call.... or even what you do in all other areas of your life that are not affected by ADHD. They will still see the animal and treat you accordingly.

It takes too much energy hiding it and I really don't feel I have much to lose. Does it really? If you don't have anything to lose....then nothing you do will matter? The effort and energy in trying to be respectful, open and honest and then dealing with the consequences is a lot more work than lying, hiding and pretending. I've been doing that all my life....I can do this in my sleep with no effort what so ever. Isn't that easier than the alternative? If there are consequences for doing the right thing then why do it? Conversely...the consequences of not doing it are much easier and familiar and in my mind based on my experience...are much less damaging to me. It's easier to lie, cheat and steal than to be honest in this metaphor if the results of being honest are worse. It's an easy choice to make don't you think?

I still hope it can make it easier for some people to understand that I'm not bipolar or borderline-psychothic, that I don't have any personality disorder and that I'm not a wild animal. I'm not saying that the conditions mentioned above would necessarily disqualify me, but it's a problem that people are reading in the wrong things in my behaviors.

If it's all the same anyway....why bother? If they see an animal...changing the name isn't going to help. They will still treat you the same? This isn't just happening at work...it's been happening to you all of your life and you just didn't realize it. The failure on your part is not being able to see it.

After reading this and coming to the same conclusion.....I became furious and thought to myself....why should I even care if it doesn't matter anyway?
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Old 11-23-15, 05:34 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I agree with you anon. Even if you do well with something, you dont want your boss to think : "even with adhd he still pulled it off!" Its not always the negative we have to worry about. We want our accomplishments to be admired without the adhd getting in the way.
Exactly, work isn't the place to get support or understanding for ADD, even though that would be nice.
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Old 11-23-15, 06:50 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

It makes me sad reading you didn't manage to castrate that guy in the parking lot, and I hope he'll give you an other opportunity in the future.

This coming-out thing is obviously not uncomplicated, but there are reasons why I want to do this. I'm not only a freak, I do have some positive reputation and there are people being aware of the things I'm good at. The youngsters like me and respect me, the same with the patients. I've told a few that I trust and they took it more or less like I expected. A patient to whom I had a very close proffessional relation identified my ADHD traits at an early stage and never had problems with that.

However, a handful of people in my own age and up have like united and begun striking against everything that seems to be standing in their way. They're bitter and mercyless and there's no organized resistance against them. My boss is a silly narcissist weakling, so he's naturaly capitulated before this little army of mummies.

When I was employed here, it wasn't because I was so normal, but because of some unusual talents of mine. That's how I'd like to mention this thing, like it's appearant to everybody, like it's something that everybody always have known. My boss would never admit that he hadn't already noticed the ADHD thing when he employed me - and I'm sure he actually would feel he'd need to defend that decission if confronted.

It's not at all about the principle of being honest. It's because I'm proud of this ADHD complex. It's not that I like my difficulties but I personally see them as just the bad side of a larger whole. I've always felt a strong connection between the dysfunctions labeled ADHD and those special talents I believe myself to have. I also believe there's a slight bit of cultural difference between the USA and northern Europe. My idea of CCC (coocoo conditions) isn't extremely radical over here.

But I'm aware I may be fatally wrong and that I may regret this decission in the future.
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Old 11-23-15, 07:13 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

It's easy to list the disadvantages. There might be more, but those are a strong list already.

I think the more important part, and easy to miss in a discussion like this, is: it only takes one definite disadvantage to disclosing, in order to settle this case. Because who can think of a real advantage that can reliably be gained from telling an employer? Since there are no credible advantages to be had, why bother?
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Old 11-23-15, 07:24 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

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It's easy to list the disadvantages. There might be more, but those are a strong list already.

I think the more important part, and easy to miss in a discussion like this, is: it only takes one definite disadvantage to disclosing, in order to settle this case. Because who can think of a real advantage that can reliably be gained from telling an employer? Since there are no credible advantages to be had, why bother?
You're right. Only one disadvantage makes it not worth it.

I think people want to believe their colleagues will understand.
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Old 11-24-15, 04:19 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

So being on mess normalizes behavior enough that no one would suspect?
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Old 11-24-15, 05:38 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

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My ADD coach told me never to share that I had ADD unless my job was placed on the line. She had ADD, too. Why would she tell me that if it wasn't important?
I think that "unless my job was placed on the line" is a very important thing to remember. I take disclosure very seriously and in most cases, would never disclose.

That said, if you see yourself possibly losing your job in the future because you need accommodations and can't get them without disclosure, well then I'd talk to a lawyer about disclosing. Or if you can't be happy without disclosure too, then I'd consider it.

Both me an my coworker disclosed. She almost certainly would have been laid off without disclosure. Couple years after disclosure, she got the performer of the year award in her division. Disclosure was an enormous benefit for her. Disclosure hasn't benefited me as much as my coworker (we have different bosses) and there have been negatives. But overall, I'd still say I was better off for disclosing.

I really think you need to look at your specific case and not just apply a blanket "never disclose" answer to every situation.
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Old 11-24-15, 07:01 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

I concur!
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Old 11-24-15, 07:27 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

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I really think you need to look at your specific case and not just apply a blanket "never disclose" answer to every situation.
I understand your point. You have specific detailed knowledge of how cases differ, and you're in a job where disclosure has some potential significant positive effects. I have a feeling that, because of those things, among the people in this discussion you're in a very small minority. Too many people without your knowledge (and without your HR department) disclose ADHD in jobs where it can't possibly bring any benefit, because they believe that ordinary human kindness will benefit them in their situation.

Maybe a better way to put it would be this:

If you work in a place where there is no rule forcing your supervisor or boss to help you with ADHD, then you can be almost completely sure that they won't, even if they are good people. I think many ADHDers miss that point.
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Old 11-24-15, 09:25 PM
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Re: 3 reasons never to share your ADD

Is this true for all mental health diagnoses?
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