ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-03-16, 06:30 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

So my mom is going to stay with us for a while and she's going through a bad bout of anxiety and depression. I'd like to support her as best as I can and so far the plan is:

1. Be patient. Be nice.My mom drives me crazy when she's like this especially because her anxiety means that she insists on me doing nothing (she gets scared when I drive, etc.. )

2. Get her involved and helping out with lil fuzzling (my little baby) as much as possible so she feels needed and useful. I'm a bit worried about leaving fuzzling with her as she's very absent minded at best of times (eg won't always respond inmediately when fuzzling is crying, etc.) So I have to see what she can do without disadvantaging fuzzling jn any way.

3. Make her feel good and validated. Talk to her.
Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
acdc01 (01-19-17), ADDon1 (12-03-16), ginniebean (12-04-16), jkimbo (12-04-16), Luvmybully (12-03-16), Pilgrim (12-11-16), stef (12-03-16), ToneTone (12-03-16)
  #2  
Old 12-03-16, 08:51 AM
stef's Avatar
stef stef is online now
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: west of Paris
Posts: 18,348
Thanks: 37,203
Thanked 27,023 Times in 13,125 Posts
stef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond reputestef has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

if you go out and she doesnt come with you, bring her back a treat. idk a muffin or something! lol i have no idea what mrs fuzzy could like

let her be alone if shes really anxious ( although it seems this is not " a thing" in your family)

if theres some movie or show she likes, watch with her or rent it, etc.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to stef For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (12-03-16), Luvmybully (12-03-16)
  #3  
Old 12-03-16, 03:56 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Thanks stef. Good ideas!! I'll try the treat and movie idea. She hates being alone though. It makes her anxiety worse. Exactly opposite of me...

The problem is when she's like this she hates everything. 0When she's in a good mood or hypo she is super qctivr and up for everything. When she's depressed she neither wants to do anything herself nor does she want me to do anything.

So I'm thinking maybe I'll just take her places saying that I need her help with managing fuzzling. I don't want to put too much pressure on her but at the same time I think it will help if she keeps busy and more than anything if she feels useful. Her self esteem hits rock bottom during these phases. I need to find the balance though between making her anxiety worse by giving her too much responsibility or bullying her about and helping her by keeping her gainfully employed.

I'm quite worried though about leaving her alone with Fuzzling so I'll somehow have to give her something to do that I can supervise.

The cold weather doesn't help though.

I hate how she's been plagues by depression and anxiety. It's more than 20 years now. She's lost too.much of her life to this.

I know I can't cure it for good but if I can make her feel a bit better or help her create some nice memories thst she can treasure I'm happy. It's super difficult creating nice memories though for someone when they can't do anything because of anxiety.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
Little Missy (12-03-16), stef (12-04-16)
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 12-03-16, 04:12 PM
Little Missy's Avatar
Little Missy Little Missy is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: BIG, Wonderful, Wyoming USA
Posts: 15,674
Thanks: 23,236
Thanked 21,403 Times in 11,479 Posts
Little Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Very true, very true. Way too true.

I mean, I know I have depression and anxiety also, as did my family members, but it is when they suck the happiness right out of you. This long, slow draggy sucking tug and...oh geez, my parents were never that bad, its LOL. She is wearing me out. At least your mum will get in the car.

I think it sounds like you have things covered pretty well.
__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs

And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Little Missy For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-03-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #5  
Old 12-03-16, 04:37 PM
ADDon1's Avatar
ADDon1 ADDon1 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 82
Thanks: 65
Thanked 65 Times in 43 Posts
ADDon1 is on a distinguished road
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
So I'm thinking maybe I'll just take her places saying that I need her help with managing fuzzling.
That's great!

Don't forget yourself. Help yourself first before you help someone else
Do things with her that you too like, so you can enjoy both <3
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ADDon1 For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-03-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #6  
Old 12-03-16, 04:54 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
Very true, very true. Way too true.

I mean, I know I have depression and anxiety also, as did my family members, but it is when they suck the happiness right out of you. This long, slow draggy sucking tug and...oh geez, my parents were never that bad, its LOL. She is wearing me out. At least your mum will get in the car.

I think it sounds like you have things covered pretty well.
My mom won't get into the car unless she absolutely has too and she won't let me get into the car either.

It's really bad actually. E.g. When we went on holiday together when i was pregnant she went absolutely crazy because I walked along the beach. She thought it was too dangerous and was furious with me for ta king risks. I didn't even go into the water. Shallow water in which toddlers were playing.



That's why I'm planning to take her to stuff I need to go to like fuzzling's weighings and health appointments. She will come with me because she will want to help me. Maybe we xan work up to more fun stuff.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
20thcenturyfox (12-03-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #7  
Old 12-03-16, 04:56 PM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADDon1 View Post
That's great!

Don't forget yourself. Help yourself first before you help someone else
Do things with her that you too like, so you can enjoy both <3
Yes thanks. I normally go crazy when my parents are here but I'll reallly have to try and remain patient. And nice. Reasonably nice.

I can actually Do with some help though so I just need to remind myself thst this is good for both of us.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Fuzzy12 For This Useful Post:
ADDon1 (12-04-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #8  
Old 12-03-16, 05:12 PM
20thcenturyfox's Avatar
20thcenturyfox 20thcenturyfox is offline
Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 274
Thanks: 998
Thanked 336 Times in 184 Posts
20thcenturyfox is a jewel in the rough20thcenturyfox is a jewel in the rough20thcenturyfox is a jewel in the rough
Is There A Mums & Babes Exercise Class...?

Since physical exercise is supposed to be good for both anxiety and depression, if there's someplace nearby that offers babycare while mums exercise, is that something you two could do together?
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to 20thcenturyfox For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-03-16)
  #9  
Old 12-03-16, 11:14 PM
ToneTone ToneTone is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Philadelphia, pa
Posts: 2,059
Thanks: 1,971
Thanked 2,587 Times in 1,214 Posts
ToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond reputeToneTone has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

It is truly hard to deal with people with serious anxiety and depression.

I mean, God knows how people dealt with me ... I tried to hide my depression around my family and of course, looking back, I'm not sure I did a very good job of it.

I would say set the bar lower ... Give yourself credit for allowing her to visit and give yourself credit for every good thing you do, every good idea you come up with, every moment of patience you show her.

Focus on you doing your best with her ... and see if you can let go of the results. I know that's nearly impossible. But you know: anxious and depressed people don't necessarily need people eyeing them closely and saying/thinking, "does this make you happy? Are you enjoying that?"

But if you can show love and kindness and patience, you will have done an extraordinarly wonderful thing for your mom--no matter how she reacts.

A friend of mine recently visited her mom out of town ... her mom is really ailing and on oxygen and depressed and homebound. My friend found out that hospice will enroll people for longer periods these days, and so she got her mom into hospice care, which means her mom will get visits from hospice workers focused on minimizing her pain and discomfort.

My friend then did something truly amazing: she realized her mom was lonely (her husband/my friend's dad has been dead a decade now) ... and she wanted to give her mom some human touch. So she got into bed with her mom and spooned her. She said she felt her mom's body relax with the affection.

So even simple hugs can be wonderful. Getting her food she likes. Finding music she likes. Letting her stay inside if she wants to ... and allow her to watch favorite shows and so on ...

Good luck.

Tone
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ToneTone For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-04-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #10  
Old 12-04-16, 06:11 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Thanks. Love, kindness and patience are key. It's difficult for me to control my emotions but I guess I will just have to. Otherwise at the end of the moment we are both going to be depressed anxious wrecks.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 12-04-16, 10:28 AM
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets sarahsweets is offline
Mod-A-holic
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: nj, usa
Posts: 27,909
Thanks: 5,723
Thanked 32,245 Times in 14,921 Posts
sarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond reputesarahsweets has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Fuzzy- first of all the bipolar me wants to say thank you for being so willing to understand depression and anxiety and being open to help. So many people are unwilling to understand or learn about how they can help.
I dont know if I can really add anything to the suggestions you have or have received but definitely the love you have is your best trait.
__________________
President of the No F's given society.

I carried a watermelon?
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sarahsweets For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-04-16), stef (12-04-16)
  #12  
Old 12-04-16, 10:54 AM
Unmanagable's Avatar
Unmanagable Unmanagable is offline
Societal Malarkey Sorter
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Over Yonder in the USA
Posts: 15,709
Thanks: 34,989
Thanked 17,792 Times in 8,903 Posts
Unmanagable has disabled reputation
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Every time I try to think of how I can help others in their struggles, I'm promptly reminded of something a friend shared with me several years ago.

At the time, it didn't really register in my brain because I was too deep in my own struggles to ever get a clear picture of how badly others were struggling. But now I think I finally get it.

He said, "You can't take others somewhere you haven't learned to get to yourself." Hence, the saying of "the blind leading the blind". There's still no guarantee whatsoever that you can take anyone anywhere they aren't ready or willing to be, most especially self, for whatever reasons.

I always tried to make everything better for everyone else in every way humanly possible, but eventually found I was more often than not leaving myself behind and totally exhausting myself in the process. A recipe for certain disaster. The more I tried to avoid unpleasantness, the more it would show up.

Once I learned to put myself first so I could sufficiently and sustainably fill my own love cup, I was better able to pour some out for everyone else and have enough to more comfortably go around.

Otherwise, it ended up being a lot of really good intentions tossed around with no way to genuinely quench the thirst of all the needs that filled the space, and eventually, much resentment began building and emotions became overwhelming for everyone involved.

Best wishes for more comfortable space sharing and some hopeful happy faces.
__________________

"You torment yourself wondering how they could not love your burning heart. And the answer darling, you are not the star you thought you were. You are the f******g universe and not everybody is an astronaut." ~Unknown
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Unmanagable For This Useful Post:
aeon (12-10-16), Fuzzy12 (12-05-16), ToneTone (12-04-16)
  #13  
Old 12-04-16, 10:57 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Fuzzy- first of all the bipolar me wants to say thank you for being so willing to understand depression and anxiety and being open to help. So many people are unwilling to understand or learn about how they can help.
I dont know if I can really add anything to the suggestions you have or have received but definitely the love you have is your best trait.
Thanks sarah. I guess it helps that I get depression and anxiety as well though my mom's is more severe and a lot more disabling.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 12-04-16, 11:00 AM
Little Missy's Avatar
Little Missy Little Missy is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: BIG, Wonderful, Wyoming USA
Posts: 15,674
Thanks: 23,236
Thanked 21,403 Times in 11,479 Posts
Little Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond reputeLittle Missy has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzy12 View Post
Thanks sarah. I guess it helps that I get depression and anxiety as well though my mom's is more severe and a lot more disabling.
Yes. You are doing so well with this. Love can be so crippling and yet so freeing.
__________________
The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool ~ Lester Bangs

And in the end, the love you take; is equal to the love you make...Beatles Abbey Road 1969
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Little Missy For This Useful Post:
Fuzzy12 (12-04-16)
  #15  
Old 12-04-16, 11:52 AM
Fuzzy12's Avatar
Fuzzy12 Fuzzy12 is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 19,974
Blog Entries: 1
Thanks: 32,363
Thanked 30,107 Times in 13,877 Posts
Fuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond reputeFuzzy12 has a reputation beyond repute
Re: HoW to help someone with depression and anxiety

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Missy View Post
Yes. You are doing so well with this. Love can be so crippling and yet so freeing.
Freeing?? How??

No it's just crippling!!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Situational depression katrin-ru Depression 0 04-06-16 04:24 AM
Vyvanse: no suicidal thoughts. Existential Depression: no chemical/situational causes Nyseto Vyvanse 5 11-09-13 01:18 PM
Preschool Depression Andi AD/HD and Depression in Children 0 10-17-04 03:57 AM
Learn About Depression and Anxiety Disorders Andrew ADD News 0 10-16-04 07:04 PM
Jane Pauley shares her story: Former Dateline NBC co-host talks @ struggle w/illness Andi Bipolar 14 09-15-04 09:38 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:41 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2015 ADD Forums