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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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Old 06-19-17, 12:22 AM
girlthroughtime girlthroughtime is offline

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Re: Flip Flopping on the issues

This is very familiar to me, as I am in your position, but I am a woman. My husband has told me that I make him feel pressured when it comes to sex - and that makes him uncomfortable. I'll admit that there is sometimes a "desperation" from my part, to feel needed/desired, but also to be connected and intimate. When I told my therapist how often we were having sex, she was like wow, that's amazing. Lol - I thought well, great, yea, the quantity sounds right, but the quality ... He is always giving - but when sex is on the couch so he can have sex AND watch tv? Or when sex is in bed AND he's listening to a podcast? Am I crazy?! And look - I know I'm an attractive woman, he tells me as much - and I still get compliments and glances. It's that he's distracted and has no desire to be intimate. It's weird to me and I'll admit being guilty of questioning how he can say no. There are husbands out there who are flat out turned down, and here I am offering up any fantasy. He'd rather go fix something around the house.
I totally understand how you feel about asking her to spend time with you when you would get off work early. He gets off work early, he spends whatever time he can sitting on the internet, on his phone, or fixing something. Even asking him to lunch, he'd rather just take lunch spent on his phone or computer.
I'm sorry your going through this. I can commiserate. I have nothing helpful to offer other than letting you know you are not alone in your feelings or circumstance. I hope that you can work through things, in a way that you both find security and happiness. I always like to think, marriage is for the long haul. A small blip now, doesn't mean there aren't happy times down the road. I keep trying to change my mental state and appreciate what he is capable of giving me.
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Old 11-01-17, 12:44 PM
Letcrook81 Letcrook81 is offline

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Re: Flip Flopping on the issues

its such a viscious cirlce but the more you push her the more she will pull away. and the more you mention sex the less she will want it. My adhd partner has a really high sex drive - minium twice a day and not quickies either - if he is stressed or weve had an argument or ive been a ***** - no sex if he is extremely stressed he can go weeks without it and because ts not important in his mnd. hes too disracted by whats going on in his head. You seem to be really disconnected and its so hard if she refuses help, if you want to save your marriage perhaps change your own behaviour. Your wife has a condition that she cannot control and being a non adhd partner can be a lonely life. But if you provide her a positive enviornment - compliment her on little things - a nice meal, cleaning thats been done, her hairs nice just little things like that - kill her with kindness. You are constantly waiting for her to dissapoint you, to let you down, to push you away. She is constantly waiting to be critsized, to be told shes not good enough, that shes doing things wrong. If you change she naturally will aswell
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