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  #1  
Old 05-29-17, 10:10 PM
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resurrecting friendships after self isolating

so, this probably isn't related to my adhd diagnosis and could've gone into other co existing conditions, but i suspect those with only adhd or adhd and things i don't have might encounter this problem as well. that's why i put it here.

i have a problem doing this. a lot of it, in my case, stems from times i'm unwell or hospitalised...and to be frank, i also self isolate when i'm suicidal.

the positive is that i'm feeling much better at the moment. i do fear i've burned bridges though with people. every time i self isolate, i lose someone. and i don't really know how to stop that from happening.

does this happen to others? or something similar? how do you maintain relationships?

this isn't just offline either. even online ones have fallen apart because of it.

cheers in advance for any insight on this. xx
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  #2  
Old 05-29-17, 10:34 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Me, too. No good advice to offer, alas!
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Old 05-29-17, 11:20 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

no advice to offer as it's something I want to work on as well but hugs and power to us all. for me it's a really bad depressive phase and period of acting pratty and acting out and I guess I walked away with the realization I want to be kind to everyone wo any conditions or strings attached.
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Old 05-30-17, 12:34 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I don't think there's any formula. I've done this very badly and far too many times.

The main thing that I know is that a lot of my friends have been surprisingly kind about it.
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Old 05-30-17, 03:46 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I have tried to apologize and own my part when this has happened to me. I explain why I was MIA but offer no further excuses.
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Old 05-30-17, 09:13 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I don't know how to maintain ongoing healthy relationships outside of self other than just interact when it feels it right, come straight from the heart, and try to communicate as kindly as possible when things don't feel right, which sometimes means simply remaining quiet and moving on.

Then there's the days of ongoing filter malfunctions when the verbal vomit potential is in full force and many things get said that probably shouldn't, creating even more awkward dynamics to navigate. Still searching for that "off/on" switch.

Feeling accepted, welcomed, and liked one day, then feeling cast aside the next and not feeling a genuine bond for whatever reason makes for even more isolating moments, especially once the mind gets a hold of those feelings and runs with it, as it so often loves to do.

Emotional regulation issues just adds more perplexing layers to peel back in our attempts to work through it all. Add multiple traumas to the mix and it gets even more interesting. We think being bullied by others is a b****, but we rarely recognize we are actively bullying our selves via our own self-talk.

It's grown to where I now prefer isolation more often than not. Isolation, to me, meaning living here in the forest and fully immersing myself in nature and trying to learn how to provide better self-care.

It doesn't feel like a bad or prohibitive thing at all, most days, rather it feels like the best nurturing time I've got, and it gives me a chance to grow lots of things, which is an area I struggled in for much of my life. I've switched my focus from people to plants, both of which can be strong medicine for the other.

So I guess my final answer is, hell if I know. lol
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Old 05-30-17, 09:17 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I would happily welcome back any friend, online or IRL, who was absent or had isolated themselves for whatever reason
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Old 05-30-17, 06:49 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I have this same issue. I isolate in extreme ways. I try and fight it and then find myself fleeing into safety of aloneness all over again. I too feel I've burned bridges. I don't know how to fix this. I wish I did.
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Old 05-30-17, 07:49 PM
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Angry Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I do this as well. It's not really related to bad periods or anything but for a lot of the time I just can't mister the 4ffort it takes (for me) to maintain a friendship with anyone.

Sometimes just too much time has passed and I just never see them again but sometimes I just do contact them. I normally start these contact attempts with apologising for not being in touch. Most people are quite forgiving but close relationships do suffer I think in the sense that we might just not be thst close anymore after so much time has passed

I think they probably might understand or rather accept that sometimes you go missing and that that is ok abd doesn't mean you don't dare about them
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Old 05-30-17, 10:23 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unmanagable View Post
Isolation, to me, meaning living here in the forest and fully immersing myself in nature and trying to learn how to provide better self-care.
when i self isolate, i have horrible self care practices. i definitely immerse myself in things, but they're not nature. more....thought patterns that aren't highly considered.

there's a word for it, i just am not going to say it. but, yes...i think if i managed self care whilst self isolating it'd be a whole different story. i also tend to stop leaving my house. and a lot of things. anyway...i think of what you wrote as "solitude", not isolation.
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Old 06-04-17, 12:31 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

I've been wondering the same thing. I cut off every single one of my friends starting in 2009 when I really started to go downhill. I contemplate getting back in touch but I'm not totally ready yet and even when I am, I'm not sure that I would.

I don't have any advice at all. I hope things work out for you and your friendships!
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Old 06-04-17, 02:09 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Same

We are all the same

There is a strange comfort in that.
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Old 06-04-17, 04:30 PM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Isolation is one of the conditions needed to allow solitude, but solitude needs other conditions at the same time. When you have isolation, but solitude's other conditions are not met, then you get... something else.

Solitude includes continuing confidence in the rest of humanity, and continuing confidence in one's own belonging in society - not a "me against them" or "them against me" situation.
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Old 06-05-17, 04:34 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Its also hard when you are having a mental health issue that is reoccurring and even though you have explained it to a friend they still get upset with you for dropping off the planet.
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Old 06-05-17, 11:02 AM
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Re: resurrecting friendships after self isolating

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Its also hard when you are having a mental health issue that is reoccurring and even though you have explained it to a friend they still get upset with you for dropping off the planet.
true... i think it's also hard for others to really grasp the nature of some chronic conditions. i think i've burned some bridges, too. what i mean by that is that i'm not entirely innocent in all cases. but then some...i don't know.
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