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  #1336  
Old 06-16-18, 04:09 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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I'm back online-ish. In a residential program for a week or two but out of IP!
Peri. You are back. How are you? It's so good to see you.

Also, happy birthday again.
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  #1337  
Old 06-17-18, 04:57 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

So it was our summer concert today, with all of the setting up, tuning, waiting around, buffet afterwards - I was out from 2:20 until 8:20
I'm drained
it really was a lovely day, though.
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  #1338  
Old 06-17-18, 05:33 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

wait, no - 2:20 until 10:20
8 hours of people
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  #1339  
Old 06-19-18, 04:09 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

Been working on a lot.
Lots of positives in my life.
Some negatives.

Making friends and getting out to do community events.
Taking group/therapy serious
Giving CBT an honest effort
Working towards meaningful employment
Asking for help from others

...Not cleaning laundry like I should
Continual struggle with apartment
Being addicted to my computer
Not getting a whole lot done
Horrible sleeping issues again
Being selfish and focusing on myself lately

I'm making a ton of progress though. I can feel an adult in me emerging...and I've felt him before over the years, but it's like he's right there. And damn I like him! He's strong and charming. Intelligent and humble. A leader. Empathetic. Strong. Brave...
I'm a good guy. I'm strong enough to handle more in life. He can be pushed.

Yet I'm just waiting. Waiting for the fall. Like...I can't possibly keep making strides in life. Right? I always trip myself up at some point and crash. It's gotta happen here shortly again. No?

We'll see.

I do know that I've got more support here in the 3d real world than I've had in a great while.
I just need to remain focused.
First thing I really need to focus on for now...as in this next week or 2...is getting my sleep back in control.

I can change guys. I can step out of that pattern I'm in of always falling down...never letting myself really be successful in life.
I'm done some horrible things in my past...and that stuff drags me down hard...but dang it. I was a kid when I went through that stuff. Not that it makes it alright...just that I was so young and confused and out of control.
Holy heck how I've grown since then. I'm a completely different person now. And I love a lot of the parts I've become...a lot of the parts I can be.

I think over these next months I'll be moving ever closer to letting myself love myself again. Letting myself move on from my past. Not to forget it, but to accept that it was done, but that I deserve self forgiveness and that it's okay for me to love the person I am now.

Sorry for the sappy/odd post.
I think I'm just about ready to move on.

And yet...I'm scared I could crash and crumble at any moment.
It's what I've always done.
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  #1340  
Old 06-19-18, 09:04 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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I carried a watermelon?
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  #1341  
Old 06-19-18, 04:56 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

*donates hugs and choc chip cookies to ADDF*
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  #1342  
Old 06-19-18, 06:40 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

i leave residential treatment tomorrow morning to start IOP and then i get to go home and play with my girl all afternoon and, finally FINALLY!!! sleep in my own bed. i'll be discharged from here tomorrow and then hop on muni to IOP.

i'm pretty excited but also nervous. i'm afraid i won't have a proper affect, i'm afraid that i will have too much stress and the voices and intrusive thoughts will return. i'm afraid i'll have command hallucinations again and end up in hospital again.

deep breaths... i need to practice my 321's and just be ready to be flexible. which is often not so hard for me, but right now, i feel so fragile in a way...shattered and *just* barely patched up...
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  #1343  
Old 06-19-18, 06:51 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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Originally Posted by peripatetic View Post
i leave residential treatment tomorrow morning to start IOP and then i get to go home and play with my girl all afternoon and, finally FINALLY!!! sleep in my own bed. i'll be discharged from here tomorrow and then hop on muni to IOP.

i'm pretty excited but also nervous. i'm afraid i won't have a proper affect, i'm afraid that i will have too much stress and the voices and intrusive thoughts will return. i'm afraid i'll have command hallucinations again and end up in hospital again.

deep breaths... i need to practice my 321's and just be ready to be flexible. which is often not so hard for me, but right now, i feel so fragile in a way...shattered and *just* barely patched up...
Hoping that IOP leaves you feeling stronger and more flexible ...
like the tree that bends in the wind instead of snapping in two.
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  #1344  
Old 06-19-18, 07:18 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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Hoping that IOP leaves you feeling stronger and more flexible ...
like the tree that bends in the wind instead of snapping in two.
thank you, luna xx
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  #1345  
Old 06-23-18, 03:51 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

TV sizes have gotten ridiculous.

My daughter's boyfriend just bought her and her daughter a new one.
She wanted to watch movies at home instead of going to a theater.

This thing is bigger than a twin bed!
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  #1346  
Old 06-23-18, 09:27 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
TV sizes have gotten ridiculous.

My daughter's boyfriend just bought her and her daughter a new one.
She wanted to watch movies at home instead of going to a theater.

This thing is bigger than a twin bed!
I know! And they're so cheap now!! It's crazy and wonderful at the same time!! lol
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  #1347  
Old 06-26-18, 06:01 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

Can't seem to get this project off the ground, really seems like very slim chances of success, so motivation isn't there.
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  #1348  
Old 06-26-18, 11:30 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

(((Beagle)))

Wow...haven't seen you around for awhile!
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  #1349  
Old 06-26-18, 11:36 PM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

I recently (about 1 1/2 weeks ago) decided to try something with my Adderall. I decided to try taking half of what I was taking.
And you know what? I think it's working better then when I was taking double the amount.
I think I was taking a bit too much and was getting a little wired on it.
Taking the half dose hasn't helped with my sleep...that's still a wreck right now...but it is giving me all the focus and such as the double dose.

Things like this when it comes to meds make me feel proud of myself lol. Like it's proof solid that I'm not into these meds for a high or anything. That I'm not a druggy. I've always been super proud that I don't chase any highs or anything from these meds...that I ALWAYS have left over pills each month and now...I'm even able to cut my dose in half without longing for more again or anything.

I like feeling like I'm doing things right...and I feel like I've done a pretty good job over the years of doing my Adderall right. ...I've not been perfect, but overall I can stand proud.
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  #1350  
Old 06-27-18, 08:54 AM
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Re: Come on In If You're Online And Say Anything: Part III

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I know! And they're so cheap now!! It's crazy and wonderful at the same time!! lol
He even offered to get me a new, bigger tv for my bedroom.
But my room isn't that big.
The one I have now is the biggest I've ever had and it works fine.
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