Different ways parenting figures communicate with their children - ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community

mildadhd · #1 08-05-17, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Within minutes following birth, the mother's odors stimulate the branching of millions of nerve cells in the newborn's brain.

A six-day-old infant can already distinguish the scent of his mother from that of other women.

Later on, visual inputs associated with emotions gradually take over as the major influences.

Quote:

By two to seven weeks, the infant will orient toward the mother's face in preference to a stranger's--and also in preference to the father's, unless the father is the mothering adult.

At seventeen weeks, the infant's gaze follows the mother's eyes more closely than her mouth movements, thus fixating on what has been called "the visible portion of the mother's central nervous system."

The infant's right brain reads the mother's right brain during intense eye-to-eye mutual gaze interactions..

-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", p 70.

This thread is meant explore different ways parenting figures communicate with their children, before children learn to communicate verbally.

Check out the emotionally "intense eye-to-eye mutual gaze" between mother and child when the baby in this video who gazes into her mother's eyes for the first time.

All thoughts appreciated.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mAMKUYy3aVQ

mildadhd · #2 08-05-17, 11:41 PM

In attunement, it is the infant who leads and the parenting figure who follows.

Quote:

(p 72) This sharing of emotional spaces is called "attunement"..

Quote:

(p 72-73) Attunement is necessary for the normal development of brain pathways and neurochemical apparatus of attention and emotional-self-regulation...

Quote:

(p 73) In attunement, it is the infant who leads and the mother who follows.

"Where their roles differ is in the timing of their responses," writes John Bowlby, one of the century's greatest psychiatric researchers.

The infant initiates the interaction or withdraws from it according to his own rhythms, Bowlby found, while the "mother regulates her behaviour so that it meshes with his...Thus she lets him call the tune and by a skillful interweaving of her own responses with his creates a dialogue."

Quote:

(p 74) In the attunement interaction, not only does the mother follow the child, but she also permits the child to temporarily interrupt contact.

When the interaction reaches a certain stage of intensity for the infant, he will look away to avoid an uncomfortably high level of arousal.

Another interaction will then begin..

-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", p 72-74

mildadhd · #3 08-06-17, 04:33 PM

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2XLBA4UX51k

M

**sarahsweets** · #4 08-07-17, 05:20 AM

I have three kids who are now 21, 17 and 13. I am no expert but Id like to think I am a veteran, and not to boast or brag but I have great kids. They are really great people. When they were babies the most important thing that helped all of them from birth all the way to about middle school was me singing to them. I dont mean baby songs like itsy bitsy spider per se, but songs I love and they grew to love. Our repertoire included: walk down that lonesome road by James Taylor, Devoted to you but JT and Carly Simon, Landslide by Stevie Nix, Close your eyes by James Taylor, will you still love me tomorrow by Carole King, dream by the Everly Brothers, Let it Be by the beatles...I guess you get the picture. I sang songs to them that I loved and could sing and I think it made a difference rather than singing the typical lullebyes. They never once went to sleep without songs until my 13 was about 11.

Luvmybully · #5 10-10-17, 08:38 PM

I have a new (well he is 4 months old!) grandson! I feel like I have been doing the baby thing for forever now. (Granddaughter is 2).

Touch is still the #1 way I communicate with the little ones. A rub to soothe, pat on the back for calming. Cuddles.

He is now engaging in baby conversations, turn taking with raspberries and sounds. He loves staring into people's eyes, smiling when smiled at.

Lunacie · #6 10-10-17, 09:37 PM

These conversations always make me feel like crying. My granddaughter is
autistic. When she was little there was very little interaction of any kind. Not
only did she have autism, she also had some really serious colic. No cuddling,
not much eye contact, and yet ... somehow there was contact.

She's 15 and we're still figuring out how the contact works. I've been watching
the new tv show The Good Doctor and it's like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory
is one half of my granddaughter, and Dr. Shawn Murphy is the other half. Still
figuring it out.

mildadhd · #7 10-10-17, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lunacie

These conversations always make me feel like crying. My granddaughter is
autistic. When she was little there was very little interaction of any kind. Not
only did she have autism, she also had some really serious colic. No cuddling,
not much eye contact, and yet ... somehow there was contact.

She's 15 and we're still figuring out how the contact works. I've been watching
the new tv show The Good Doctor and it's like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory
is one half of my granddaughter, and Dr. Shawn Murphy is the other half. Still
figuring it out.

Have you ever watched the movie Temple Grandin?

M

Caco3girl · #8 10-11-17, 09:04 AM

The Good Doctor is AWESOME, and shows communication can happen in many different ways.

Lunacie · #9 10-11-17, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mildadhd

Have you ever watched the movie Temple Grandin?

M

Yes, I've seen that movie. I really wanted to read her mother's book, but it
wasn't available through my library lending system and I couldn't afford to
buy a copy. I will try again though.

Edit:

It's now available at my local library and it's IN. Thanks for the
reminder.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caco3girl

The Good Doctor is AWESOME, and shows communication can happen in many different ways.

The other medical intern he is paired with is amazing at trying to figure out
how to communicate with him. Last episode she realized that he doesn't
respond to questions ... much like my granddaughter.

**peripatetic** · #10 10-11-17, 10:52 AM

i second the emphasis on touch. i also sang to e a lot...songs i made up, mostly, that are about her (i still do this and now she's starting to make up her own songs about what she's doing). we also taught her a couple of signs from ASL so she could begin to communicate some basic needs (e.g. milk, change, sleep).

Fuzzy12 · #11 10-11-17, 12:21 PM

Singing her too. Nothing works as well to soothe fuzzling.

Im not sure how much eye contact we've made when she was a new born. While feeding her I mostly read to her or browsed on my phone as otherwise I couldn't relax enough to have a milk let down. I feel really guilty about that though I still do it. Sometimes I wonder if that's the cause of her separation anxiety or general sensitiveness or any other problem she might have.

Or maybe she has got that sensitive temperament that is a precursor to add as mild has mentioned.

We did make eye contact at other times though I've noticed that often when I talk I don't have eye contact either because I forget or because l can't focus on doing two things at the time.

Anyway lots of singing and lots of holding and just touch in general. Though sometimes I wonder if that's why she always wants to be held...even now. At least that's what other people tell me.

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