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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #1  
Old 11-05-17, 01:49 PM
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Constantly bored by my girlfriend

My girlfriend and I have been on and off for over four years now. She briefly saw someone else but we've been fairly close now for the past three months. We went to Fes together and there have even been discussions of marriage and children if I ever manage to sort my life out - I've been unemployed since March and don't have a degree.

Even though there's definitely a strong connection between the two of us, I do find that I become bored by her musings with alarming regularity. I often find that I offend her by admitting that some of the time I am 'tuning out' because she is boring me.

Is this a common problem for folks with ADHD? Or is it a clear sign that it's not going to work out between the two of us?

Whilst ritalin does help to a certain extent, I still have a remarkably low boredom threshold. It's difficult to comprehend how I can ever be with anyone for any amount of time because I am so comfortable inside of my own head.
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Old 11-06-17, 06:24 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

If you are bored by your girlfriend its up to you to change it or move on. There is nothing that she can do to make you less bored. You do not want to rely on medication to keep you from being bored with her cause there may come a time where you switch meds or go off them. I dont understand how you can be considering the long term with her like marriage and kids if you feel bored by her. Does she know you feel this way sometimes? When I have had issues with a significant other its usually been my issue not theirs but to be fair, I got married when I was 20 so I have been well out of the dating scene.
You will have to decide that if nothing changes at all can you live with this situation and be happy? Its better to assume no changes will happen and be happy with that so that when a change does happen its a pleasant surprise than assume that you will be happy once she does change, because she may never change. Sometimes the feeling is mutual but she could be afraid to tell you as well.
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Old 11-06-17, 11:14 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

My sweetie is the most non-boring entity in the world for me.

I can’t imagine a partner being boring except as some example of what hell would be like.


Cheers,
Ian
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  #4  
Old 11-06-17, 01:52 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

I think it may be a fundamental problem with me then as my proclivity to become bored seems to apply in any interaction with another human being. I don't believe it can be ascribed to depression as I've been feeling much better in myself for quite sometime now. I guess it could well be ADHD and/or autism related.
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Old 11-06-17, 03:26 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

I live in my own head, as well, and tune out a lot. I can have back and forth meaningful/enjoyable conversations, but if it's more one-sided and the person is just talking on and on, especially if they talk slowly and take forever to get to the point, I'm gone. My mom has learned to pause and ask me if I'm still listening (I'm usually not, but I have gotten good at pretending I was).

I have extra trouble paying attention if I'm doing something. I can't do something and listen at the same time. I also can't pay attention if I just did something mentally draining. I might still be processing things in my head, and if someone tries to talk to me mid-processing, they'll likely get no response from me because I'm just gone and don't even hear them.

I just assumed all this was ADD related and not the other person's fault, since inattentiveness is a big symptom of ADD.
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Old 11-07-17, 02:09 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

There is bored..... Then there are 100 other things that FEEL like bored....

I know that most people I interact with... There comes a point where the dynamic reaches equilibrium / constancy.

Just remember.... Half this constancy is you ( me ) etc.
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Old 11-08-17, 10:47 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

Yes, very low boredom threshold is common for adhders. I live in my own head too. I was told to turn the conversation to what I enjoy talking about to the extent possible without totally taking over the conversation. Like talking about things we are mutually interested in.

Can't always do this though. Do you just get bored with conversations or do you find her as a person boring. Cause if you're not interested in her as a person anymore, that's a problem.
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Old 11-09-17, 03:46 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

It's certainly the former. ^^

Medication was working to a certain extent but I suspect I will always struggle with boredom because I simply have an appalling attention span and seldom find I am passionate about anything.
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Old 11-09-17, 08:22 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

I struggle to listen to people speak especially if they go on and on or add to many details to a story or talk about something that isn't of utmost interest to me. It doesn't mean I find the person boring (unless they are extremely chatty and regularly or only talk at length about things that are of no interest to me).
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Old 11-29-17, 05:15 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

She claims to be "dead inside" and never wants to have sex. At all.

I've been assured it's not depression or a loss of attraction for me, though. :S
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Old 11-29-17, 05:35 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbrady1 View Post
She claims to be "dead inside" and never wants to have sex. At all.

I've been assured it's not depression or a loss of attraction for me, though. :S
that's cool, maybe the next chick won't be so boring
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Old 11-29-17, 05:42 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

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that's cool, maybe the next chick won't be so boring
Do you think I am being shallow?

I've been patient with her but I do feel inclined to believe that she is no longer physically attracted to me.
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Old 11-29-17, 05:42 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

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Originally Posted by Barbrady1 View Post
She claims to be "dead inside" and never wants to have sex. At all.

I've been assured it's not depression or a loss of attraction for me, though. :S
Well you just tell her that the lack of sex in the relationship is making you "dead inside" and you wish to feel more alive.
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Old 11-29-17, 05:52 PM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

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Originally Posted by Barbrady1 View Post
Do you think I am being shallow?

I've been patient with her but I do feel inclined to believe that she is no longer physically attracted to me.
not at all, she's the one who said she never wants to have sex.
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Old 12-20-17, 05:46 AM
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Re: Constantly bored by my girlfriend

I broke up with her last night.

She said our relationship had become difficult after being subjected to my "toxic" 13 year old niece, who lives at home with me and my mother.

I don't know how I feel though as I think I may be too inattentive for relationships. I 'tune out' all the time even on stimulants, and my boredom threshold is woefully low.
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