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  #16  
Old 11-09-17, 04:31 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

I'm not even qualified to help in any way. I've never dated online.
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  #17  
Old 11-09-17, 04:32 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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I made the words up...us this all online at certain times or whenever?
We talk a little throughout the day, not specific times, just when we both happen to be online.
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Old 11-09-17, 04:34 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

We did tentatively set up a chat time tonight, but I was noncommital.
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Old 11-09-17, 04:38 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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I wonder if my profile might attract preditors? I didn't go into detail, but just said I'm seperated and coming out of a long marriage and have circumstances that require someone with patience and openness. I want people to know that, so they can not bother contacting me if they can't handle that, but judging by the messages I'm receiving, I don't think most people are reading it. Maybe it's a target for someone looking to prey on vulnerable women, though?
Unfortunately this is just the online dating world for you. A lot of men will just look at your pictures, decide you're cute enough to contact and won't even bother reading your profile at all. I feel like these men think they're supposed to attract you with looks because it's what attracts them and think women think like them.

So it's not your profile, it's just how they are. You just have to weed through a lot of really annoying guys to get to the good ones. The way I view it is that there's a whole boatload of insufferable guys on there because no woman wants them, so they accumulate in the dating pool like algae. I suspect good guys get snatched up pretty quickly, so the ratio of good to bad guys is really low, but there are some out there!
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  #20  
Old 11-09-17, 05:01 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

Um, now he asked if I want to call him!!!
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  #21  
Old 11-09-17, 05:09 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Um, now he asked if I want to call him!!!
Well, if he gives you his number you can always look it up on Google. This can help you find some information about him. It's fine to be stalk a bit if you get creeper vibes.

If you don't feel ready for talking on the phone just tell him as much, if you didn't already. You've been doing really well with being blunt about your needs so far, just keep that up and you'll do well!
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  #22  
Old 11-09-17, 05:14 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Um, now he asked if I want to call him!!!
Holy Godzilla's!!
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  #23  
Old 11-09-17, 05:26 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

I'm not sure he knows the meaning of the word "patience". You can tell a lot more by actually talking to a person, though, right? Like their personality?
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  #24  
Old 11-09-17, 05:27 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

Ah well, I'm going to get out in the cool air, exercise, and clear my head.
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  #25  
Old 11-09-17, 05:29 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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I'm not sure he knows the meaning of the word "patience". You can tell a lot more by actually talking to a person, though, right? Like their personality?
Yes, true! When talking on the phone there's no time to think about your responses and you can get more information from a person's tone than from just text. Still, he does need to respect your request for him to be patient if he wants to keep talking to you. If you don't want to do it right now you don't have to and if he pushes despite you saying no, then you know he's not someone you want to date!
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  #26  
Old 11-09-17, 06:57 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty View Post
Yes, true! When talking on the phone there's no time to think about your responses and you can get more information from a person's tone than from just text. Still, he does need to respect your request for him to be patient if he wants to keep talking to you. If you don't want to do it right now you don't have to and if he pushes despite you saying no, then you know he's not someone you want to date!
Yep, good points. And maybe talking on the phone isn't a big deal to him so he doesn't think it would be for me, and maybe he doesn't know what I mean by "patient". Maybe I should have specifically said, "I'm looking for an online relationship only. No talking on the phone or meeting in person. EVER!"

I did read that most people talk on the phone after a few days of messaging and then meet after a week or two of chatting! I'm guessing those people don't have anxiety.
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  #27  
Old 11-09-17, 07:52 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Yep, good points. And maybe talking on the phone isn't a big deal to him so he doesn't think it would be for me, and maybe he doesn't know what I mean by "patient". Maybe I should have specifically said, "I'm looking for an online relationship only. No talking on the phone or meeting in person. EVER!"

I did read that most people talk on the phone after a few days of messaging and then meet after a week or two of chatting! I'm guessing those people don't have anxiety.
Yeah, I don't personally have a problem talking on the phone or meeting in person, but I know lots of people do and that's fine. In fact, the last person I dated wouldn't even talk on the phone before we had chatted for over a month, so you're hardly being unreasonable if you just started talking to him like two days ago!
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  #28  
Old 11-09-17, 08:02 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Yeah, I don't personally have a problem talking on the phone or meeting in person, but I know lots of people do and that's fine. In fact, the last person I dated wouldn't even talk on the phone before we had chatted for over a month, so you're hardly being unreasonable if you just started talking to him like two days ago!
I generally don't like talking on the phone, which I hear is pretty common for people with anxiety. I have gotten better at it over the years, but still don't like it much. In this case, though, it might be a good idea because while he is very responsive and engaged, I don't think he's the strongest at written communication. Either that or I'm not the strongest at interpreting meanings. I'm interested to see how it is talking to him and see what vibe I get. Even at the expense of sounding stupid, because I'm sure I'll say at least a few utterly stupid things. I told him "maybe".
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  #29  
Old 11-09-17, 10:07 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

This thread is totally not what I expected from the title. I just had to note that.

Anyway, I think if you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't push it. Establish firm boundaries and don't accept their being overstepped. If you feel like someone is coming on too strong or wanting to move too fast, pump those brakes and if he balks, this early in a situation, I say stay firm.

If I read someone saying she just got out of a long relationship and needs patience and understanding, I would expect to be declined if I overstepped.

Oftentimes, especially online where you're just a name and some sentences, I think people will test boundaries. Those aren't the people for you, in my opinion. But once you're clear, if boundaries are overstepped, I would shut it down as soon as possible.

Like, if phoning is too much for you now, I would say, "no im uncomfortable moving to phone. I'll let you know when/if I'm ready for that." If he's worthwhile, he'll respect that. If he doesn't, you have your answer.

Hope that helps xx
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  #30  
Old 11-09-17, 10:11 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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This thread is totally not what I expected from the title. I just had to note that.

Anyway, I think if you feel uncomfortable then you shouldn't push it. Establish firm boundaries and don't accept their being overstepped. If you feel like someone is coming on too strong or wanting to move too fast, pump those brakes and if he balks, this early in a situation, I say stay firm.

If I read someone saying she just got out of a long relationship and needs patience and understanding, I would expect to be declined if I overstepped.

Oftentimes, especially online where you're just a name and some sentences, I think people will test boundaries. Those aren't the people for you, in my opinion. But once you're clear, if boundaries are overstepped, I would shut it down as soon as possible.

Like, if phoning is too much for you now, I would say, "no im uncomfortable moving to phone. I'll let you know when/if I'm ready for that." If he's worthwhile, he'll respect that. If he doesn't, you have your answer.

Hope that helps xx
Thank you. He did say it was no biggie if I didn't want to talk on the phone yet. I do have to be careful about boundaries, so I guess one good thing is I'm getting practice in that.
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