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  #106  
Old 11-25-17, 01:58 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
I understand all that and think it's good to go slow, but my concern is that we'll be together for awhile and I'll get attached, maybe even fall in love, only to have him flake out on me at some point and not really be able to commit. He said he really likes me so far and wants to do stuff with me and know me more, and I feel the same way.
That exact thing has happened to me and it did hurt a ton, but even if I could go back in time and change things I wouldn't do it any other way. The time we had was great and in the end, while it wasn't a romantic relationship for life, I still got a friend out of it! Not trying would have left me wondering what could have been. So I think you have the right attitude about this, watching out for codependency while still giving it a shot.
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  #107  
Old 11-25-17, 02:19 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by OyVeyKitty View Post
That exact thing has happened to me and it did hurt a ton, but even if I could go back in time and change things I wouldn't do it any other way. The time we had was great and in the end, while it wasn't a romantic relationship for life, I still got a friend out of it! Not trying would have left me wondering what could have been. So I think you have the right attitude about this, watching out for codependency while still giving it a shot.
Yes, the good thing is we're both very open and honest about everything and feel safe sharing it with the other person. It's just so rare to find someone you hit it off with right away, I've never had that happen before. I feel like I would be a fool to not give it a try. And he does want the same things and has the same goals for the future, at least.
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  #108  
Old 11-28-17, 01:14 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

Well, this went downhill fast. I really know how to pick 'em. I have quickly realized that while this guy seems sweet and we share similar interests, he has a major issue. I find this really ironic, since we were just having a discussion on here about guys being sex-obsessed. I believe this guy is "hypersexual". He even admitted to me yesterday that he has a sex addiction. Um, ok and I'm supposed to be ok with that? Probably TMI, but we've already slept together (don't judge me, lol), it was out of this world and I have absolutely no regrets. But I think I need to let him go. He constantly brings up sexual stuff at random moments and I won't go into it all, but it's starting to weird me out. He likes to talk about and do other stuff, too, but I've now realized sex always has to be a part of it, whether in word or deed. I think that's all he does is fantasize about sex. Like, we can't just take a walk through the park, without him talking about wanting to have sex and making sexual comments. It's just not normal. I now see him more as a FWB and that would be cool if I didn't want an actual long-term relationship and now I can't really envision a future with him. The sexual chemistry is great, but now that seems like the dominating factor. I kind of feel bad for him, I mean what do you do for a sex addiction? Is there therapy or something?

The good thing is, I managed to keep from getting too attached to this guy, by taking a very wise person's advice and started talking to another person. The other person I'm talking to also has many similar interests, we've already talked on the phone and he seems more suitable for a long-term relationship. Of course, who knows? I keep finding out people aren't what they seem.
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  #109  
Old 11-29-17, 09:31 AM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
Probably TMI, but we've already slept together (don't judge me, lol), it was out of this world and I have absolutely no regrets.
As long as sleeping with people doesnt confuse you or upset your kids then its no ones business.
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  #110  
Old 11-29-17, 04:27 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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As long as sleeping with people doesnt confuse you or upset your kids then its no ones business.
I know, but I could see people going "Well, you slept with him right away, so it's your fault he's all about sex", but I think he was this way long before I met him. He has a history of substance abuse, too, and just seems addicted to anything that gives him a "rush". Like, he couldn't help himself when we were walking on a bridge over water, he had to jump off the bridge into the water. Uh, ok then. Maybe I'm just boring, lol.
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  #111  
Old 11-29-17, 04:50 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

We are all about the sex *tin hat on*. Some men are just better at hiding it than others (because that increases their chances). But the ultimate goal for almost any man is to mate. We're made to be that way. Men who have very successful careers, are always at the gym, or are always doing "nice" things for women are all doing it with the ultimate goal of sex. Men who sit at home and do nothing..... sex on the mind.

Ok, I realize that probably comes across as somewhat sleazy. But I think the important thing is to understand why men are this way. Our entire physical and psychological well-being is built around sex. When we don't get sexual gratification, it can leave us feeling unwanted, inferior and depressed. Sex is as much of an emotional relief as it is a physical one for a man. It makes us feel more "man".

Ok, i'll probably get slaughtered for posting that, but that's my take on it anyway.
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  #112  
Old 11-29-17, 05:00 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
We are all about the sex *tin hat on*. Some men are just better at hiding it than others (because that increases their chances). But the ultimate goal for almost any man is to mate. We're made to be that way. Men who have very successful careers, are always at the gym, or are always doing "nice" things for women are all doing it with the ultimate goal of sex. Men who sit at home and do nothing..... sex on the mind.

Ok, I realize that probably comes across as somewhat sleazy. But I think the important thing is to understand why men are this way. Our entire physical and psychological well-being is built around sex. When we don't get sexual gratification, it can leave us feeling unwanted, inferior and depressed. Sex is as much of an emotional relief as it is a physical one for a man. It makes us feel more "man".

Ok, i'll probably get slaughtered for posting that, but that's my take on it anyway.
No, I know that's all pretty accurate, based on what I've read. Maybe you're right that some are better at hiding it, because I doubt most men take a stroll through the park with their date, talking bedroom talk. Just keep it (mostly) for the bedroom, you know? Apparently, there really is such a thing as hypersexuality and I really think he has it, but oh well, not my problem anymore.
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  #113  
Old 11-29-17, 05:01 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
I know, but I could see people going "Well, you slept with him right away, so it's your fault he's all about sex", but I think he was this way long before I met him. He has a history of substance abuse, too, and just seems addicted to anything that gives him a "rush". Like, he couldn't help himself when we were walking on a bridge over water, he had to jump off the bridge into the water. Uh, ok then. Maybe I'm just boring, lol.
Ask him if he knows what ADHD is?
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  #114  
Old 11-29-17, 05:06 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
No, I know that's all pretty accurate, based on what I've read. Maybe you're right that some are better at hiding it, because I doubt most men take a stroll through the park with their date, talking bedroom talk. Just keep it (mostly) for the bedroom, you know? Apparently, there really is such a thing as hypersexuality and I really think he has it, but oh well, not my problem anymore.
Hey, remember what I said. All that really matters is that you're having some fun. Dating is every bit as much about the journey as it is about the destination. Do what you enjoy and feel comfortable with. If you don't feel that way about something, then simply move on until you find what you're looking for.
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  #115  
Old 11-29-17, 05:10 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
We are all about the sex *tin hat on*. Some men are just better at hiding it than others (because that increases their chances). But the ultimate goal for almost any man is to mate. We're made to be that way. Men who have very successful careers, are always at the gym, or are always doing "nice" things for women are all doing it with the ultimate goal of sex. Men who sit at home and do nothing..... sex on the mind.

Ok, I realize that probably comes across as somewhat sleazy. But I think the important thing is to understand why men are this way. Our entire physical and psychological well-being is built around sex. When we don't get sexual gratification, it can leave us feeling unwanted, inferior and depressed. Sex is as much of an emotional relief as it is a physical one for a man. It makes us feel more "man".

Ok, i'll probably get slaughtered for posting that, but that's my take on it anyway.
Truth.

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And I will just add that there is a difference between a person with an active sex addiction and a person with a high libido.


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  #116  
Old 12-03-17, 08:54 PM
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Re: I'm so triggered by everything

So, the person I'm seeing now, we've been talking for exactly one week now. Which is nothing, but it's forever in the online dating world. We've pretty much been texting each other all day every day, since we started talking. Not about anything too deep, except for maybe the first day. But stuff like "What are you doing?", "What's on your mind?", and just little back and forth stuff about our day. He's not the type to leave you hanging with texts, in fact I've had to be careful not to leave him hanging. We've been on two dates and have a third one this week.

It's funny because he first messaged me right around Thanksgiving, right before I hid my account and was going to take a break from the site. I was going to send him a polite rejection message, but for some reason, decided to give it one more shot, so I replied to him and things just took off from there.

We quickly found out we not only share a lot of interests, but also share a very similar lifestyle, view on life, belief system, parenting style, personality, we even have the exact same political views. He grew up on a farm and said his goal is to get back out into the country and live off-grid. That is something I've always wanted to do, too, but couldn't get my husband on board. We both agreed it's easy to see our lives meshing well together. We talk about the future a little, not long term obviously, just stuff we would like to do together. We're both pretty into history (him even more than me), so he's talked about us going to the Alamo and stuff.

He has 6 kids. He thought that would scare me away, but my only thought was, "Yes! Someone with more kids than me!" 3 are from his first relationship, they live far away and he gets them for the summer. The other 3 from his second relationship, he has with him half the week. He seems like a very hands on and good father, seems to be the same way with his kids as I am with mine. This is where it gets a little crazy. For every one of my kids, he has a kid of matching age and gender. Like, he even has a 2 yr old boy, like I do. We even both have our moms living with us for the time being! All the similarities are really uncanny, and this is not even to mention all the other things we have in common (movie interests, doing stuff outdoors, etc.).

There are obviously complications that make it a little difficult for us to see each other as much as we would like to. On top of all this, we live about an hour away from each other. We have been making it work, though, and we both seem equally committed. He said, "Where there's a will, there's a way". Like yesterday, we went to the movies, but we went to the late showing so we could leave after our kids were in bed. Got there early and had a chance to talk for awhile before it started. It was nice, but we both had to drive back home while trying not to fall asleep. He plans things with me days in advance and sticks to it, which I like. I'm glad one of us can plan, because I'm the one with ADD, so nothing would ever get done! This week I will be driving to his place for "Netflix and chill", so I can get him hooked on Stranger Things and he can get me hooked on "Ranch". It just sucks he can't really come to my house for now because my kids are pretty much with me 24/7, so we will need to figure something out with that. But I think if things keep going like they are, we might be meeting each other's kids in the not too distant future, and that will make things easier because then we could do stuff with our kids.

Anyways, there's a lot of promise here. I hope I will be able to delete my dating site profile soon. Haven't logged in since I started talking to him and we both said we are only talking to/seeing each other, not doing the casual dating thing (like we would have the time for that anyways!). He has really stood out to me from the other guys due to him taking me seriously and respecting me, and he seems ready/willing to take the time to build a long-term relationship. I don't have to wonder where he stands, what he wants, where I stand, etc. We seem to be on the same page.
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